To report the engineer that came to my house?

[Thejewellershands]

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

A few years ago I needed a quote for some work, a guy came over to quote and made me feel so uncomfortable. Asking if my husband knew how lucky he was, that if I ever needed any company he would come over, that I looked just like an ex of his that he never got over, etc etc.

I didn't do anything at the time but I wish now that I'd told him to fuck off and complained.

@Minimili that's horrifying. And outrageous that Sky initially did nothing. How terrifying. So glad they got punished in the end but awful. Also why did Sky send them as a pair, when I've had it done previously it's only been one engineer?

You did nothing wrong. He deserves to be reported and I'd bet you're not the only one to do so. I'm so sorry you went through this.

What's the point of this response?? Bonkers.

Bloody hell, op, please report him. He was totally inappropriate, and you did nothing wrong. Tell his company that you don't want your name involved.

I bet others have also reported him... what a sleazy predator.

As someone who works in the energy industry report him. This is terrible and he sounds like a predator. You can ask the company to state not to tell him who and ask them to avoid specific's directly with him. But it is reported and you won’t be the only one. There may be women who are very vulnerable who this man has access to and they can at least give him a ‘buddy’ so he is not alone and do additional checks on future customers they will have dealt with this before and will be happy to help and glad you have report

I only skimmed through it but got the jist of what why she wants to report him.🙄

Oh Sweetheart! I am so sorry you were put through this, in your own home!!! It’s absolutely appalling. Future, if not current, rapist in the making.

Please don’t question yourself, I would have done exactly the same at your age. Being friendly and polite is so often horribly interpreted by men!!

Take care xxx

I wouldnt be surprised if you're one of many he's tried this with, it's unlikely it was his first time. So he may not actually guess it was you, unless the company mess up and give him all the specifics. You could request that they keep them to a minimum for your safety.

I agree, that’s how rapists start and then progress on to murder to escalate their sick ‘highs’

Oh stop it 🙄

I wasn’t expecting to log back on to 91 new comments. Thanks so much everyone! All of the support is making me feel a little better. Sorry I can’t reply to everyone individually as there’s too many comments.

But for people saying I shouldn’t have gone upstairs, you’re right. Now looking back on it I shouldn’t have done. I was sending texts to my friend secretly while he was here telling her I had a creep in my house. She told me “never speak to them! Invite them in and then go upstairs and say if they need you they can shout you” so that’s what I did because I needed to get away. I am not confident enough to shut down the conversation. I know some of you have said you would’ve said immediately that you don’t think this is appropriate conversation, but I just didn’t have it in me to say it. I was too worried about how he would react. I don’t like confrontation and even though I am very chatty and friendly, I lack confidence in these situations. I would’ve said something if I was out at a bar or if someone else was in the room with me, but I just shut up and went along with it in the hopes that it would be over soon and he would leave.

I got really worried about reporting it because I wondered whether anything can be done without any proof. They could call him in and he could deny the whole thing. My mum offered to call the company to ask them what would happen if I made a complaint and would it be kept confidential. But they weren’t open today. I dithered about whether to wait until next week to send it but in the end I sent it anyway. Will I get a response? I suppose I’ll never know the outcome but wondered if they might call me or something

@Thejewellershands It could be the case that others have complained and so there will be others to collaborate your story of how he behaves. Even if you’re the first and he gets away with it, the next complaint will have more of an effect so I think it’s definitely worth doing it but I do see why you’re concerned.

Don’t blame yourself for any of this. Every workman I have had in my house has acted professionally and should do so.

Really ??

You sound very much like me, I've been accused in the past of being too friendly but it's just in my make up but the problem is that some men seem to get the wrong idea. I would think twice about reporting him though, you said he scared you a bit and he knows where you live so I would just put it down to a lucky escape and move on.

Well done for sending the complaint OP. 100% the right thing to do. If you don’t hear back, contact them again. If you still don’t hear back, look into the ombudsman for their profession. They should not ignore this type of complaint at all! Google the CEO and find an email address for them. Just don’t drop it.

I get the people pleasing and scared of confrontation - I’m the same. I’ll talk to anyone and everyone. One time, I was working in a pub and I was alone with a male customer who was fairly regular. If known him a long time (years). He’d been making a few comments, that I put down to him having a few too many and laughed/joked them off with him. He then looked me dead in the eyes, stone cold sober and basically told me that he would beat me, rape me and I would like it. And I KNEW he meant every word, and that he knew exactly what he was saying. I wanted to stand up for myself. But I was afraid - I was alone and had no idea what he might have done to me. I pretended I had just received a text, and very quickly messaged my boss for help. My boss came downstairs and to my disgust not only didn’t say anything to him or warn him about his behaviour, but he continued to serve him. Clearly his money was more important than the safety of his staff (most of whom were female).

You did nothing wrong. You kept yourself safe - you did what you needed to do. If you had said or done something he could very well have become violent.

Good luck in making sure your complaint is taken seriously.

100% disagree.

If he shows his face anywhere near her house he's going to be in big trouble.

Upthread I mentioned something had happened to someone I know. Her main reason for not reporting it immediately was the fact she was scared he would come back.

(She also thought the police wouldn't believe her because what happened beggared belief.)

So because of fear he should continue to behave inappropriately?

No. Big fat no.

This is way more than a bit of cheeky banter. He's propositioning you. Even though you were scared you played it cool but someone else might not be as lucky. He's a preditor. He needs reporting.

On a separate note you might wanna reflect on your own behaviour both in response to his advances but also relationships in general. You are not to blame but if you feel the need to please others and always be kind and 'ladylike' and avoid confrontation, men like this will view you as an easy target. You need to unskilled to protect yourself in the future. Men like this are generally cowards. Just learning to assert yourself a bit more is usually enough to set them scuttling off with a tail between their legs.

Yes this. Not rudely, but firmly, nipping anything like that in the bud almost always does the trick imo. Before it gets to an uncomfortable stage.
Also, (controversial opinion it seems reading other people's comments), but to me what he said to you is pretty much just normal man behaviour, sadly. They're all thinking with their genitals 99% of time and will definitely try it on if you give them even the slightest time of day. I'm not saying its ok but I'm not at all surprised.

Boke. It is not the OP’s job to be wank fodder for a creepy man, no matter how ‘lonely’ he is. ‘Banter’ is only banter when both people are taking part and enjoying it, not when one person is intimidating or asking completely inappropriate questions. What is wrong with your own self esteem that you feel the need to appease a stranger who wants to know about your sex life? I don’t discuss my bedroom antics with my best friends. Why would I discuss them with the boiler repair man?

You are obviously a 'man' (I use the term loosely) pretending to be a woman !!

Personally I would have told him
that I was not comfortable with his line of questions. And I would have politely asked him to shut the hell up or leave and then I would call the company and ask them to send a new tech and report the reasons. Of course, ask for a supervisor or better a manager. But that's just my two cents worth

Well done for reporting him.