To report the engineer that came to my house?

[Thejewellershands]

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

He knew that what he was doing was wrong and totally inappropriate. He was either trying his luck with you or trying to make you feel uncomfortable for his own amusement. If you don't report him he will think that he can get away with doing it to other women.

If you have to ask that, I suggest that you consider his behaviour to be acceptable?

Report it. You owe that much to others. Chances are you wont be first to do so.

I’d report it. He might not know it’s you as he’ll act like that with other women.

This is absolutely not your fault and you should definitely report him if you feel able. I would include in your complaint that you expect the company to keep your identity confidential but if he ever comes near your home again or makes any attempt to contact you, that you will hold them responsible. I would also call the police on 101.

What he did would be inappropriate if you had met him in a club but his work authorises him to enter people's homes! If he loses his job it's entirely his own fault.

Wish I’d reported the Scottish Gas boiler engineer years ago who was disgusting towards me. I have a lot of children and he went “eugh, is your man ever off you?!” I was so embarrassed. We were having a lot of trouble at the time with the boiler, I now make sure my husband is home anytime tradesmen come or we use the one we’ve used for years who is respectful and friendly.

Awww bless. The Red Hat and Blue Hat books are over in the reading corner.

You are overreacting. He is clearly lonely and starving for connection. I have had similar experiences and I just go along. They will forget you soon enough. It’s just banter, a bit of excitement in a probably very lonely boring life.

Gosh it must be exhausting for you constantly excusing disgusting men.

He will undoubtedly be saying the same vile stuff to other women on his rounds. He's a dangerous man, so yes, report him. It probably won't be the first time he's been reported and you won't be the only one. I'm sorry to hear you had to endure this, and that you have someone to talk to about it. I've had a similar experience with an electrician who came to do work in my home when we were having building work done. I told the builder we had contracted to do the work, and thankfully I never saw the electrician again. I'm still pleasant to workmen who come to the house but I'm more brisk and keep out of the way while they do the work.

What a creepy old git; as an older broad minded lady I would have hated anyone talking like that to me but god forbid talking to my daughter like it; you need to report it; if he’s telling the truth about the other lady; he’s abused his position to go back & pursue the lady; I suspect he’s probably done this a lot before & has most likely used his position to ensnare vulnerable women for his own sexual gratification; he won’t know it was you because the company cannot disclose who has made the complaint & with any hope they will investigate him thoroughly & will contact past customers to get a deeper understanding of his behaviour good or bad xx

Think of the poor lonely man 😂. Lots of people are lonely but manage not to be creeps.

Oh look, the OP’s tradesman has a Mumsnet account! 🙄

I've experienced similar a few times. Once was a Sainsbury delivery man (grocery delivery) who totally over stepped the mark and made very personal comments about what I was wearing (gym gear as I'd just been to the gym) and the way I looked and tried to enter the house with my shopping in the days before they offered to carry it in. I reported him and Sainsbury said they had dealt with the incident and he never delivered my shopping again.
Had another incident with a grocery delivery man (different supermarket) about 8 years later and this one turned up unexpectedly with four bottles of wine to apologise for a random substitution they'd made with my shopping the week before. It was a nice gesture from the company but there was something about the guy that made me think it was him and not his manager who decided on the apology. He made me very uncomfortable but I felt awkward as all he'd done was a nice gesture. I didn't raise it just stopped getting g my shopping delivered from that company.

Most men are trustworthy and behave appropriately, however some don’t and you had the misfortune to experience one that doesn’t. I think you have legitimate cause to report this, but equally I understand your reluctance to do so. I think a good strategy for the future would be to always make it known your husband is either in the house somewhere or working in the garden, anything to suggest he is nearby.

Had this kind of thing happen a few times when I was younger. You should nip it in the bud as I had a couple of men that got my (landline) number and started calling. It was very uncomfortable and awkward. My husband accused me of being too friendly which made me feel even worse! I was more careful after this - it’s such a sad thing when you are naturally friendly and outgoing. There are some real creeps about.

I’m so sick of this behaviour by men. A few years ago I had a window cleaner. I was a single parent and he knew this. He came into fill his bucket up and was asking me about my dating life and of course I was trying to keep him at arms length and said oh I’m not really interested in that at the moment.

The children were in the next room and he moved up so close he was pressing into my back and said I can sort out that dry spell for you. All I could think of at the time was he was going to rape me and I was going to have to go along with it because the children would come in if I cried out.

Thank god he didn’t. After he left, I waited three weeks and cancelled him by text telling him I had moved house then blocked him on everything.

Reporting is the right thing but if I lived alone I’d be concerned if he came back if he was sacked or something. But then I’d expect he acts like this with every young woman so might not have any idea it’s you. Disgusting person - how horrible for women to be alone in a house with someone like him. That’s his line obviously to get someone’s number re swipe left / right. Grim

Did you read it, there is a list of things she could report, please don’t be rude about posts!

How are you feeling today op? That must have been really unsettling. Hope you sent the complaint in. You wont be the first or the last, and him saying stuff about losing his job shows he knows what he was saying was wrong & he was trying to manipulate you. Nasty PoS.

Sorry but the man did all that and then sat outside your property for 30 minutes? Was he refusing to leave? If so, I would have called the police for advice tbh

I’d be inclined to report him, but be a bit weary in case of any repercussions
And definitely wouldn’t have him in the house again …

PREDATOR!

Please report him what if someone else isn’t as lucky as you and he does something to them.

Report it. Immediately. Vile prick, how dare he?

Have not read the whole thread, just OP's posts after the first few, so apologies if this is a repeat.

Here is some practical advice for anyone in a similar situation. Download an app to your phone called Voice Record (several different apps are available). Then simply use the app to record what the guy is saying to you. You then have evidence to present to his employers.

To all those who are about to tell me you can't record people without their permission - Yes, you are probably right. But FFS this is YOUR house. And if you are seriously worried about your rights to record, you could put a small notice up by the front door saying something like 'by entering these premises you agree to have any conversation recorded if you say things that make the residents uncomfortable'.