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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report the engineer that came to my house?

435 replies

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

OP posts:
KSB65 · 20/01/2024 17:57

This isn’t your fault but you should feel safe in your own home, which clearly you weren’t, definitely report him.

ClimbingHydrangea · 20/01/2024 17:57

This is really awful OP, I am sorry you had to deal with this.

In an ideal world I would say report but from personal experience I wouldn’t for your own safety.

I had a pompous and bizarrely aggressive man tried to force himself into my house to read the meter, told me he would get me arrested if I didn’t let him in (I was fine with having the meter read but at that moment in time it was really not convenient as we were having flood damage repaired and there was no floor in that room!). He only left when my DH appeared behind me.

I complained and the company gave him my phone number! He rang me and started shouting at me, I blocked the number when I realised who it was. I found out from a neighbour that he also came back about a month after it happened and tried my front door, tried to get into the garden etc.

When I complained about all this the energy company washed their hands of all responsibility as it was a third party company (who they gave my phone number to!). I was really shaken up about it and about him returning for ages.

MikeRafone · 20/01/2024 17:58

nothing you did gave him any green light

Anonymousmummmy · 20/01/2024 17:58

100% NOT your fault it any way shape or form. You did absolutely nothing to encourage that kind of behaviour and there’s nothing wrong with being nice and having a chat. He sounds so vile; please report him. Sorry you had to go through that OP☹️ x

Marinaautumn · 20/01/2024 17:58

I am very polite and always offer water/tea/coffee to engineers or other people who might come to do a job at my our place and by no means has anything like this EVER happened. It’s not your fault, you didn’t bring any situation on you , you didn’t do anything wrong and I’m sorry you were so unlucky to run into such a creep. Regarding reporting you’ll have to be the judge of your personal safety. If you do wish to report it is totally justified though. Hope you are ok x

WhatTheHeckyPeck · 20/01/2024 18:00

Report him for sure both to his company and the police. Yours may not be the 1st report against him but it may well be the one to prove a pattern of behaviour.

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/01/2024 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

All OP did was talk to him. Are you crazy?

MoonstoneGoddess · 20/01/2024 18:00

While I don't condone his behaviour, why didn't you tell him you think he's being inappropriate?
By letting him continue he's probably thought you were giving him to green light to talk to you this way, which isn't acceptable but he's a man. They arent the brightest sparks. Give them an inch they'll go a mile with this sort of thing.
I would have told him can we please stop this conversation it makes me uncomfortable rather than letting him continue and then reporting him

Lizawithazee · 20/01/2024 18:00

Report him , he's a sexual preditor ! And has no right to behave like that ! Been there got the tshirt !

BobbyBiscuits · 20/01/2024 18:00

That is vile. I would have been really irked by that. It's more than 'banter', way more. 100% report him. If his firm do nothing I would blow that shit up all over social media. Disgusting.

MrReflection · 20/01/2024 18:02

You are joking?
When I read stuff like OPs post it makes me ashamed to be a man.

Engagebrain · 20/01/2024 18:03

Definitely report him but as for him sitting outside in his van that is normal. When I've used a big company to service my boiler they always sit outside until the next appointment.

MrReflection · 20/01/2024 18:05

MoonstoneGoddess · 20/01/2024 18:00

While I don't condone his behaviour, why didn't you tell him you think he's being inappropriate?
By letting him continue he's probably thought you were giving him to green light to talk to you this way, which isn't acceptable but he's a man. They arent the brightest sparks. Give them an inch they'll go a mile with this sort of thing.
I would have told him can we please stop this conversation it makes me uncomfortable rather than letting him continue and then reporting him

They aren't the brightest sparks....
Huge generalisation. Perhaps use "Some of them" instead of "They".

ThistleTits · 20/01/2024 18:07

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon did you actually read the post prior to commenting? There's numerous inappropriate issues she should report him for.

ThistleTits · 20/01/2024 18:09

@Thejewellershands he may not know it was you who reported him. I doubt you are the only woman he's behaved in this vile way with. Report him.

CatMummyOf3 · 20/01/2024 18:09

Definitely think you need to report him, both to his employer and the non emergency police number.

I would write a summary of exactly what he said to you, just in case it's needed later. If you have a Ring doorbell (or similar) save the video of him arriving and leaving. He then can't deny he was there.

So sorry you had to go through that, it sounds awful. It's not your fault, he's a creep and needs a different job - or locking up.

BeauSignoles · 20/01/2024 18:10

@MoonstoneGoddess ”While I don't condone his behaviour, why didn't you tell him you think he's being inappropriate?”

because she was scared. She said it in her post. It’s very easy to say you should have done X and Y but different when it is happening to you, in your own home and you’re feeling vulnerable.

Wick55 · 20/01/2024 18:10

Definitely report him, but perhaps reiterate to the company that you are extremely concerned that he knows your address and where you live, and it will need to be dealt with, with this in mind. Sorry this happened to you. What a creep.

blondieminx · 20/01/2024 18:11

Do you have a ring doorbell/other cctv which would have picked up his “swipe left or right” comment? He sounds so grim. YANBU to report at all …and I reckon he’d struggle to narrow it down to you I bet he’s like that a lot. Grim!

RedHelenB · 20/01/2024 18:13

WhatTheHeckyPeck · 20/01/2024 18:00

Report him for sure both to his company and the police. Yours may not be the 1st report against him but it may well be the one to prove a pattern of behaviour.

I don't see why it's a police matter.

DD1963 · 20/01/2024 18:17

So sorry to hear this, I cannot stress how vulnerable I feel if I am ever in the house on my own and have to deal with tradesman. What he did and said was totally inappropriate and totally unacceptable. I have also been in similar situations and it has caused me to really think about how certain men can interpret what I see as normal, friendly behaviour as being flirtatious which I don't think for one minute you were it is just how they choose to interrupt it. I would never have gone upstairs I would have been too worried he was going to follow me. However I don't think there is anything wrong with calling out inappropriate behaviour and saying to someone this conversation is not one I want or am prepared to have. As for reporting him if you live on your own absolutely not, it will not be worth the sleepless nights.

RebeccaRed93 · 20/01/2024 18:17

100% report!

I had a similar situation. Single parent, home alone and moving house. I had four different guys coming over to give me quotes for packing and moving so walked all around the house, bedrooms etc. 3 of the 4 were lovely and professional.
The fourth one was nice - attractive even! He text me after he left and said he thought I was pretty and asked if he could come in for a kiss. Within 3 seconds he was knocking on my door. He was there for half an hour - banging on the windows, knocking on the door, shouting through the letterbox, calling my phone constantly.

I text him and said I was very uncomfortable and that I had already cancelled my contract with his company and I wanted him to leave. He then bombarded me with calls and texts saying he was harmless and he’d lose his job and it was all a misunderstanding etc.

I didn’t report it as I was scared he’d come back, but looking back I really wish I had. These people have badges and permission to enter peoples homes - homes of vulnerable people who might not be able to see the danger of them. Please report this guy - it’s one thing to be comfortable and feel good vibes from someone but there needs to be a line of professionalism.

MeridianB · 20/01/2024 18:18

MoonstoneGoddess · 20/01/2024 18:00

While I don't condone his behaviour, why didn't you tell him you think he's being inappropriate?
By letting him continue he's probably thought you were giving him to green light to talk to you this way, which isn't acceptable but he's a man. They arent the brightest sparks. Give them an inch they'll go a mile with this sort of thing.
I would have told him can we please stop this conversation it makes me uncomfortable rather than letting him continue and then reporting him

Very easy to say now but at the time these things are not so easy. In the OP’s position, my priority was to ensure he left as quickly as possible and didn’t escalate his behaviour or turn nasty. When youre alone in your own home and a person in a position of trust behaves really inappropriately, it is quite a shock.

I may have acted differently if he’d been due to work on for longer, but this was a 30 minute job and I just wanted him out asap.

OkCupcake · 20/01/2024 18:19

I moved to my own place at 18 and the Internet company I used were extremely inappropriate. The salesman kept texting me and asking me out even though I rejected. Then the engineers thst came to fit the Internet, wouldn't leave my home, got themselves some beer from the off licence next door. I worked in a night club so they left when I left for work, however, they followed the bus. I had to get the door security to send them away.

I reported them all. The salesman and the engineers. No one has a right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.

OssieShowman · 20/01/2024 18:23

That’s awful. I would also report to police. It’s making you feel unsafe in your own home.
he already said he came back to another client a few days later.
With it on record with police, if he did come back, police would attend quickly.

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