To feel bad but not let her claim the carers allowance?

[CaringResponsibilitiesWhoFor]

My mum is early 60s and does not want to work, if she has to work, she wants to work about 5 hours a week but earn the equivalent of full time. She’s tried everything to get out of working, claiming various injuries, illnesses and even latching on to my DDs disability and telling people she has that. She’s been sent for assessments for ESA and PIP and each time been told as she lives independently, drives and can walk (albeit she puts on a limp) she can work – she goes on holiday alone at least twice per year. She went through a phase of repeatedly seeing the GP and now very rarely gets an appointment with them.

My DD is 9, and in receipt of DLA (MRC and LRM). She has a number of conditions all diagnosed including a genetic condition – we found out that I do not have the genetic code for this condition, so the chances are my mum/family also don’t have it. I strongly suspect ExH has the same condition but he’s refused testing which is his prerogative. The genetic condition causes all of her other diagnosed conditions, so I literally cannot see how mum has it.

My mum has latched onto this and keeps saying she has this condition and am I 100% certain I am not a carrier for it as she has all the symptoms. I’m not saying she doesn’t have some sort of condition; I am not qualified to say but the way she goes on and acts you’d think she was nearer to 90 – she walks with a stick, will ask me or DD how she got a wheelchair on the NHS as she needs one. She’s openly admitted its to get out of working as she thinks shes too old.

Both me and ExH earn too much to get carers allowance, but I get a UC top up on my wages which has the Disabled Child element and Carers Element added – although the latter mostly gets taken off due to me earning too much. My work do take into account this though so if I’m needed to drop everything and go to DDs school or to assist on school trips or I need to work from home because DD hasn’t slept well and therefore I haven’t slept well I can do all that. They also guarentee me time off for DDs appointments and meetings with school no matter when these are or if there’s already to many people off on that day – if it’s for an appointment they let me have it off. And they gave me paid leave for 6 weeks last year when DD had a surgery and she couldn’t go to school. If I lost the carers element I’d lose that flexibility, it’s classed as a reasonable adjustment for my status as a carer.

My mum has asked me if she can claim carers for DD, because in her words “Its money you’re not getting that someone can get”. She knows this means she won’t have to work as I claimed it for awhile when DD first got awarded DLA, and I wasn’t expected to work or look for it. She also knows it brings in the carers element of UC (even though you lose it £ for £ anyway if you get CA) and brings other things that she likes the idea of like a carers card to get a discount on things and carers performances at the local theatre (you do not have to have the person who you care for with you for these, they are literally performances of panto/theatre shows put on purely for carers, NHS and other emergency workers with proof that you are entitled to it they are usually free or heavily discounted entry I’ve booked Annual Leave at work a few times to go to them and they’re generally very good).

Part of me feels it’s selfish to not let someone claim it, after all neither me or ExH can. But then I feel like DD is my child, mum wouldn’t actually be doing any caring but would get all the benefits. She wouldn’t be able to go to some of DDs appointments as it needs to be a holder of PR for some things (start and end of Physio, surgeries etc.).

She thinks she can pick DD up from school and take her every day (another adjustment I have) so I can up my hours to “make up” for losing the flexibility at work and that she can do the appointments I’m not needed for, and if DD has another surgery she can do all the caring while I work.

She said I should ask you MN because she thinks you will all say she should have the carers allowance. That she's a doting granny and she should spend the next few years until retirement helping me so I can progress my career.

I'm not career minded, I am happy at my current level so thats not a consideration for me.

So voting:

YANBU - Don't let mum claim it
YABU - Let your mum claim it

Should I let my mum fraudulently claim benefits for my daughter whilst exposing myself to the risk of getting caught out and at massive inconvenience to me because it means I'd lose my status (and reasonable adjustments) as a carer myself?

Or should I said sod that, I'm not a useful idiot with doormat stamped on my forehead?

Hard one this.

Unless she is caring for your DD for 35 hours a week, she is not entitled to it.

I don’t know why you’ve said this to me.

Love to be a fly on the wall when u tell her no

Clicked the wrong button in voting. YANBU, op.

It's really simple. You should provide at least 35h per week care if you want to claim CA for someone. Doesn't sound like your mum is cut out of it anyways. If she doesn't provide this level orf care, she cannot claim (or it would be fraudulent so though nobody is checking that)

Given how much more OP has to do than parents of children without special needs, it might be forgivable (though still fraudulent) if OP's DM was proposing to claim the allowance to then give it to OP to help her. But she just wants to keep it. Selfish insert word.

given everything you've said I'd let her. then she can be at home with your child if necessary and you don't need the money anyway as you've boasted said

She will end up costing you your job if you let her do this. Because someone fundamentally lazy won't be doing all the actual caring - you will still be up in the night, going to hospital appointments, rushing to school if she was ill. Your mum will still be going on holiday and pleasing herself.
But work will expect you to do your job without accommodation and when this can't happen, you'll end up unemployed - all so your lazy mum can claim money to which she has no entitlement.

Its a hard no from me. For many reasons, which previous posters have laid out far more eloquently than I could. To the person who posted that OP evidently does not like her mother very much, nor do I. She sounds like a user and a lazy and deceitful woman who wants to exploit the hardship of others for a freebie. I dont like her very much either.

Hell no. I'm in a similar position to you, autistic child and above the threshold for carers allowance and lucky to have n understanding job.

Not many people in our situation are able to work and understanding managers are like hens teeth. Don't do anything to mess with the set up as it is. My mum actually does help me with some child care and would never dream of claiming carers for it, yours is being a CF unfortunately.

It would be different maybe if you could rely on her to step up and really take on some of the responsibility but it doesn't sound like that would be the case and you might not get the same adjustments again if things feel apart.

Tell her it's fraud (which it is!) and the chances of being caught are too high. Hopefully that will put her off the idea.

Your mother is a CF, you know this, so why are you giving this headspace?

Even though she's quite clearly asking so she doesn't need to get a job?

I agree with @Youcannotbeseriousreally. I am slightly older than your mum, and feel that she gives women in our age group a shockingly bad reputation. I still work because I need want to. DD has always known that I work and, at 23, she has inherited my positive work ethic.

My mum has asked me if she can claim carers for DD

"No mum. You can't". End of.

Bitter, much!

NO WAy! She's a CF to even think of this
I get enhanced on both PIP and from what I remember you would have this deducted from your UC
Plus to be eligible she would need to be providing care for 35 hours a week anyway

Yes op would lose the carer element form her own Uc claim if her mum was to claim.

She sounds utterly gross.

I would not under any circumstances jeopardise the help I get now and in the future.

She is awful to ask.

Carers is only £330 or so per month, so not enough to live on, she also wont qualify as you need to be the person caring for about 35 hours per week so school picks ups wont cover it, she wouldn't be doing enough hours caring for your daughter or doing any nights etc.

It is rather distasteful that she is trying to larp off a child's disability in this way.

How embarrassing to have such a person as a mother 😳

No no no. It would be fraudulent as said. Plus how can she care if she needs a wheelchair herself 🤪

In order to claim Carer’s Allowance you must be caring for a minimum of 35 hours a week. It is counted as income in Universal Credit and subtracted from the UC entitlement. You would lose your Carer Element in your UC if your mother claimed CA. So the answer is that she has no entitlement and you would be worse off. It’s time she gave up thinking about how to defraud the benefits system and got a job.

Some posts put on here can't be real surely, is this Jerry Springer?

As if you even need to ask this.

Yes mother, someone should claim it, just not you! I'm sorry, but your mother would be one of the ones who does the benefits system no favours in this country! She's lazy, greedy and wants everything handed to her on a plate, without having to lift a finger for it! No lady it doesn't work like that, go earn your own money and stop trying to sponge off an already effed up system!
And to be honest OP, unless you're actually going to show her this post and all the responses to prove a point, I can't even believe you had you had to ask this!

Please don't let her! It's not 'money going spare', it's our taxes and should be used for someone/something deserving. Not for fraud.