Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

There are lots of ND things it could be as well as/instead of ASD. If she has issues with Dyslexia, Visual Proessing, Auditory Processing, hyper mobility and so on they'd become more apparent when the tone of school shifts from play to text based learning. I found under 9 was awful because they were having an experience that was immensely different and difficult but did not know they were struggling far more than NT kids. Also, as they are all so different at that age it is or easy to assess. It takes ages for this to be investigated (by OTs) and the poor child is 'encouraged' to try harder and do more and ore things their brains are not wired to do. I only found out when he was 9 that my son couldn't see half the text on the board, we now know it was because of the font - it was immensely stressful and efforts to address made it worse. There are all kinds of things it could be.

I'd research sensory play to help release those feelings at home and talk to the SENDCO. Acknowledging that it's tough and that there's no pressure to 'perform' at school, just to attend ad try should provide a bit of space.

It’s probably just a temporary thing that she’ll grow out of, because school can be quite overwhelming and hard work for young kids. And the jump from reception to year 1 is fairly significant.

Having said that, as a GP I would suggest getting an appointment and arranging some blood tests for completeness. If she's this exhausted after 12.5 hours sleep per night, it’s worth checking for anaemia etc.

Same as everyone is says, your child isn't feeling well- take her to gp. Dont jump on the asd diagnosis or reduce timetable as its hard to cone back from them, it could just be a vitamin deficiency/ allergy/ virus. Gp visit needed first then go from there. If she's active at weekends and ok then I'd look into her dislike or school too. My ds was like this with the reception to y1 jump until the Christmas. Half term soon!

Not normal at all OP - definitely a doctors appointment is needed.

Perhaps she is sensitive to all the noise and stimulation at school?

My child, on multi vitamins and a good eater of a varied diet, has a vitamin B12 deficiency. Get her checked, if only to rule it out.

I would be seeing a GP and considering SEN if no medical issues - she may be 'masking' all day and if so it is common to fall apart in the evenings. Girls with neurodiversity can present very differently to expectations and often go under the radar.

Sounds hard for you both. What’s your response to her OP when she is upset about school?

To be the people saying it could be medical, OP has said she’s fine at weekends & over the holidays. That sounds like more like ND to me.

The key sentence is
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help

An adult who was like this might be signed off - by a doctor. Asking the school would be like an adult asking their employer to sign them off. They might be flexible but the adult wouldn't be "signed off" because that needs the doctor.

The point is, you need to take her to the doctor and explain things. Not the school.

I fully recognise that European countries have different schooling. It is more to avoid giving people too much details about my life and personal circumstances without concrete need.
I am from one of the top 5 countries for the best maternity pay, if that helps to narrow it down. I know people from Scandinavia, Northern and Eastern Europe who had similar experiences at school. Most (?all) European schools have summer holidays for three months too.
I also lived in Canary Islands and, despite it being Spain, school finished at 1pm in Summer and 2pm the rest of the year.

Look up “flexischooling” Facebook - which is about having X days at home, X days at school an the school still gets full funding. There’s lots of information on how to request it with your school (if you’re interested) and many people on the Facebook group are in the same boat as you; child is not coping well at school for the full 5 days

Honestly reading this has brought back so many bad memories from school. I always felt so much pressure to behave perfectly at school and then let out all my pent up emotions when I was at home. I would take her to the GP just in case it is medical but honestly school is SO MUCH - you couldn't pay me to go back.

I was also wondering if you'd considered dyspraxia? My DH has this and gets very tired because his brain processes EVERYTHING around him - someone whispering to their friend, someone biting their nails, someone's coat rustling. His brain is doing so much work all the time that it's exhausting.

Edited to add that dyspraxia can also affect your time perception so could also explain why she feels like the day is so long.

This - I agreed with these suggested steps/possibilities:

1. Gp in case of illness
2. possibly ND
3. possibly simply likes playing and is rebelling against school work and trying to opt out.

Is she eating enough? I used to have honey and toast after school or if crash out and my boys always had a snack or a sandwich to keep them going until dinner. She may just need a bit more fuel especially as it's wintery and chilly. And definitely get bloods done. Anemia for example is very easily treated. If she does after school activities perhaps ditch them for a while as she's clearly exhausted.

I’ve been in a similar position (my dc had autoimmune issues and EDS). What I would do in your position is get an emergency gp appt and ask for bloods. Keep your dc off for at least a week and have total rest then try a phased return to school 1-2 hours a day at first and see what the blood results are. If all ok do you use multivitamins? A good one with iron and vit d plus consider probiotics

Girls with autism mask extremely well. It took til senior school for mine to be unable to mask fully at school. Only then was I taken seriously.

Have a read. Girls with autism present so differently to boys

I notice the term "GP" has been mentioned nearly ninety times on this thread, OP - yet you make no mention of having taken her to a GP for this exhaustion, or any intention of taking her to be checked out, and have some blood tests.

It does sound like ASD or a physically health issue would be good explanations well worth further investigation. Is it possible to negotiate with the school for her to have a short nap/ quiet time after lunch when the other children are having outside play? It may just make the day more manageable for her.

Once you have her checked out please consider if she has some additional needs and whether this is masking at school then falling apart from the exhaustion of it when she comes home

My daughter struggles in a similar way. The council can authorise a 'firebreak' or reduced timetable schedule. For example, my daughter is off school every Tuesday/Wednesday afternoon, it gives her a reset and is hopefully going to improve her overall attendance. She is SEN and suspected ASD but she doesn't behave poorly in school. Something to bare in mind is girls don't fit the typical ASD mould, they are brilliant at masking and imitating the behaviours of others so they get by (albeit absolutely exhausted from trying hard to be 'normal'). Generally it's teen years that these girls stop being able to copy behaviours and their struggles become clearer. I would push for assessment, educate yourself on what (if any) signals she is giving on possibly having SEN/ASD and speak to the ALNCO at your school about your overall concerns. It may be that you will have to allow her to have the time off she needs for the school to understand how much she's struggling.

Sorry but that's not normal "burn out" for a 6 year old. My kids were tired after school but not like that.

Take her to the GP to rule out any underlying cause.

Provided there is no medical reason, anaemia, hypermobility etc I can totally understand. I feel exactly the same about work. I'm totally done in. My son is the same and was at school too.
Could you consider home educating. I would have but could not because I was a single mum.
I think life is just one continuous grind now from birth to death. Given my time again I'd probably just join a commune and opt out.

Make a plan:
GP visit, state the problem clearly ( extreme fatigue— and it is extreme) Say you want to rule out Type 1 diabetes, Vitamin deficiencies, anaemia. Pernicious anaemia. ( no reflection on your child’s diet there are medical reasons that cause vitamin deficiencies)
If all ok maybe if you’re comfortable with it film the meltdowns and fatigue at home to show the teacher.
Ask for a SN assessment, huge waiting list , you might consider a private assessment.
If you are at home suggest your dd works at home Wednesday and see if this helps. ( I’ve known this to happen in state schools in UK and Europe) Look at a home schooling group near you as they’ll support you with the legals if the school objects.

She sounds like 6 year old autistic me who also was very well behaved in school, but broke down after. I also didn't get diagnosed because I was 'fine' and they didn't want to 'label me' :( You really need to look at symptoms of autism specific to girls, as many other posters have already said. I had Wednesday afternoons off (different country) and it made no difference.