Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

What I wouldn't do it let her off mid week - you really don't want her thinking school is optional and if you need further down line to do flex schooling it may well be helpful if school knows you've done best to get her in before that point

l actually think school need to adjust her timetable whilst she’s unwell. My bitter experience is that trying to make them carry on as normal has the opposite effect and makes it worse. She sounds unwell with ASD burnout.

AUTISM! Don’t listen to the school, they rarely pick it up especially in girls.

I think she's emotionally exhausted, not necessarily physically.

I agree with everyone else that there sounds like something else going on that should be checked.

I also wanted to ask about snacks. My six year old definitely gets hangry. If we mis time a walk she is huffy and grumpy and prone to a tantrum but a different child after a biscuit or a banana. I'm not saying this is the only cause but might be worth making sure she has something to eat straight after school if she isn't already.

I am quite sensitive to blood sugar and if I let it fall too much it can take me quite a while not to feel wobbly so better to get in before rather than after.

Why are you ignoring all comments re seeing a GP?

My son is 7 and was exactly the same as this, falling asleep on the way back home and crying with tiredness. He was also not quite himself for a few weeks, infections and getting g poorly but with this extreme tiredness. It took a couple of trips to the GP, 2 blood tests and eventually a hospital stay but he had a lingering virus. May be worth getting checked out xx

I'm confused why you have not taken her to a doctor yet. Your 6 year old is exhausted. 6 year olds should be like the energizer bunny.

What is even more shocking is that some are immediately jumping on autism and neuro divergence.

She could have thyroid issues or heart or lung issues or some vitamin deficiency

Get your daughter to a doctor seriously wtf OP ?

Similar here, it is a result of autistic spectrum and ADHD burnout/ exhaustion. Pretty much ok at school (masking it) and then tantrums, exhaustion, inability to do too much outside of school. It can really build up! I'm counting down the minutes til half term so we can get off the merry-go-round.

My dd (Y2) says the same, she definitely struggles with the demands of school and cried at the weekend saying she wishes she could go back to reception. The weird thing is though, she loves learning and is a bright little cookie. She has SEN, though, which I'm wondering might be the case with your dd. My dd keeps it all in at school and we've had a real battle getting an ehcp for her because she's "fine at school".

If your dd struggles to concentrate it could be adhd rather than asd. Sensory overwhelm happens to adhd kids too. With my dd it's tactile sensitivity, some noise sensitivity. Does your dd frequently complain of her tummy hurting, sore throat, itchy ears etc? If so, could be anxiety based.

Like someone has said, it could be autism.

Is there a reason youve ignored all suggestions to go to gp?

The thing I love about MN is the combined lived knowledge and experience. It’s been invaluable to me over the years (alongside the the batshittery obvs).

OP - I have 3 children. Apart from the usual end of and beginning of term tiredness or when they’re recovering from a bug, none of mine have ever displayed the level of tiredness your DD has.

I absolutely think that she needs a medical check up to rule anything out BUT I do echo other posters who are querying SEN and masking.

For context, my youngest has ADHD: fully diagnosed and now medicated. Teachers are notoriously poor at picking up subtle signs of SEN (and this is NOT NOT NOT teacher bashing: they have classes of 30 kids, some of whom are high needs with little to no support. They get very little training in SEN). My DC was felt to be “naughty” and “lively / fizzy” but because he’s bright his teacher said it wasn’t ADHD 🙄.

OP you need to be proactive about this. It is NOT normal to be this tired. You need to advocate for your daughter and get her an urgent GP appointment to start with incase there is something physical going on. Then you need to really look into neurodiverse presentations in girls specifically. I cannot emphasise enough about how you need to get moving on this today.

All the best

I home educated my 4 ,some for all of primary,some for primary and year7.
They would not of coped with school at age 6 ,so I didn't bother sending them .
They did all go to school eventually,all started different years ,just when they were really.
Turns out ,2 had ADHD and autism,so diagnosis and EHCP later ,they both end up back at home with tutors and on line learning.
Different strokes for different folkes ,I just did what I thought was right for each child

Worth trying home schooling or Flexi schooling?

How is her sleep? Is she snoring ? My son was extremely tired when suffering from sleep apnea

I have an ASD DD who would appear tired, be emotionally tired, but actually needs more physical movement. She genuinely feels revitalised by exercise straight after school - I'm only adding this as sometimes it's trial and error and the things that help see counter-intuitive.

However, my NT DS was more like this, was simply not eating and drinking enough at school and is a total slave to his blood sugar. Can you try packed lunches, for a week or so, just to see what she is eating and drinking?

You seem determined to blame school, which is unusual, as most people would want their children to be fit and healthy enough to cope with such a minimal amount of activity. What do you do at weekends that constitutes a break? Are you never able to do things like climb hills or visit museums, things similar in energy output to a school day?

Working with the school was my point though rather than allowing odd ad hoc day off - but them that's based on my experiences of kids I know who were allowed days off for not much in primary have been ones to truant most in secondary.

I still think OP need to take her to the GP - if she can get the GP agreeing it's ASD burn out - she can start of diagnostic pathway and have some backing with the school and hopefully they'll sort a flexible timetable out.

My worry is OP not seeing GP does ad hoc days off and doesn't get her DD extra help or diagnosed - but gets herself labeled as the problem making getting help further down line even harder,

I wish people wouldn't say "Europe" as if it's all one country. It's annoying enough when Americans do it, but incomprehensible when actual Europeans do it. I worked in schools and as an au pair in Spain, and there, primary school started at 9 (8:30 if in wraparound care) and ended at 5pm, and it seemed like most of the kids did an extracurricular activity after school 3 days a week too. (Granted, the lunch break was 2 hours, but that's when they have the main meal of the day, so lots of them went home for lunch, meaning most of that time was spent walking to and from school, eating, then clearing up). They also had 30-60 minutes of homework every day. I started keeping a log of how much unstructured play time the children I lived with had, and some days it was less than an hour in total. My French nephew started compulsory school aged 2 - yes, TWO - following a recent law change. And his school day ends at 4:30, and he gets way more homework than English kids the same age (although he gets Wednesday afternoons off).

That said, I'd be interested to know where you grew up... in case I want to move there 😁

My DC at that age was shattered after school so we did blood tests and he had a deficiency of vitamin D. We got him to have the prescription supplements and it made a huge difference in energy levels. Definitely ask for bloods as many pps have suggested.

Yes sorry I agree this level of tiredness isn't normal. My DD did full wraparound at this age and wasn't this tired.

Do you know what her timetable is?

Is there any way you can take her out for some of the less essential lessons (for the short term, until you have figured out the cause of all this).

My daughter was exactly the same. We did 4 day weeks in reception and a 3 day weekend halfway through each term in year 1, more frequent if needed. We had a great head who believes parents know their child best and was super supportive. Now in year 2 she manages the term but still gets really tired. Its interesting what others have wrote about sensory issues and ND as my DD has always had sensory processing issues and we’ve been looking into speaking with the doctor about inattentive ADD more recently

Is she actually tired in a truly physical sense or more overwhelmed? I agree you do need to see the gp first to rule out a physical cause. Then you need to look into what else might be going on because it sounds like some kind of sensory overload.
Is it an option to home educate for a year or two and then try again? Then you will be able to find out more about how your daughter finds different environments and understand her needs more fully.
It's either a physical problem that can be fixed or it's SEN. It has to be one or the other, this isn't standard 6yo behaviour.
I have an autistic son and he cannot cope with going from one class to another, much as he loves classes he needs a long break after an hour of concentrating in that environment.

@primaryproblems girls don't present the way that boys do (in general) with SEN. I can tell you now that your DD's teacher has no idea what she is looking for when it comes to SEN. Teachers, generally, get very little teaching on SEN and the ones they notice as having SEN are going to be the ones that cause them difficulty: Difficulty in behaviour management, difficulty in assessing them, or difficulty in catering for their needs. They will not notice the compliant, quiet, passive child as having SEN.

DD2 was just like your DD. Reception was 'ok' because it was just play and she could opt out of anything she didn't like, avoid mingling with other kids she couldn't bear, and make her repeating patterns. Year 1 was a completely different ball game, and the things that other kids took for granted, really bothered her. The tables were in a different direction. The chairs were different colours. They wanted her to use cursive writing instead of print. The children wanted to play actual games at playtime. It was a long day. She was exhausted. DD2 actually became physically ill because of her school experience, but actually, it was burnout.

I could write a book about how we've got to where we've got, and I won't bore you with it, but DD2 was diagnosed with ASD in year 7, when she was just 11, having been referred at 9 years old. Safe to say that by year 10, DD2 was so burnt out from trying to cope with school that she broke. If it wasn't for the COVID lockdowns, she probably would have broken in year 8, but she was at home at that time.

Now, DD2 is repeating year 11, but hasn't been able to cope in a school environment. The LA tried giving her an independent special school place, but she couldn't cope with the behaviours of the children there. She now has an EOTAS package from the LA.

You need to listen to your child. She is telling you that she can't cope. 6 year olds don't do that. I will bet my bottom dollar that your DD is neurodiverse and is just very bright, so is masking at school.

Incidentally, my DD3 is going through the same process now that she is in year 10. She broke last year and we're just going through the EHCP process for her.

This was me at a similar age. I’m autistic.