Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

Agree with this. Pull her out under sickness for a week if you can or at least 3 days and see GP during that time for tests to cover all bases.

Good advice

Sounds like she’s masking at school. Difficult to get help when children are masking (girls especially do this) and can result in a late diagnosis for ADHD or ASD. If you can afford it, go private.

The poor petal. Please go to your GP. Not normal levels of exhaustion for a child of that age. She may be anemic or have long covid: https://www.longcovidkids.org/

Definitely ask to get bloods done, even if normal it can still be long COVID, as we don't yet still have the appropriate biomarkers to test for it. There are paediatric LC clinics that can potentially help. Even if not COVID, viruses can cause chronic fatigue syndrome, essentially very similar to LC and the more you push through, the more you deteriorate. I speak from experience. It's called Post Exertional Malaise (PEM). It's not just from exercise, for me, it's just from doing a bit of cleaning, reading scientific papers, having to parent, or emotionally stressful experiences. More on PEM: https://www.cdc.gov/me-cfs/healthcare-providers/clinical-care-patients-mecfs/treating-most-disruptive-symptoms.html#:~:text=Post%2Dexertional%20malaise%20(PEM)%20is%20the%20worsening%20of%20symptoms,by%20activity%20management%20(pacing).

It could also be autistic overwhelm from masking resulting in burnout, much more common for girls to mask and it in itself is exhausting. In any case, go to a GP asap, hope she improves ASAP.x

DD is like this
Suspected ADHD
the masking at school results in meltdown and exhaustion at home
Holidays are very different after about 3-4 days
She is 9. It's worse each year

Oh also possible autism but we apparently need the adhd diagnosis first

Poor child! Pull her out of school and get her seen by a gp urgently.

Forcing her in when she is literally begging is wrong.

We wouldn't treat adults this way ffs!

Honestly, OP, my daughter was the same at this age and still is in year 7. She has ADHD, and focusing for her is exhausting; we usually go straight home after school, no clubs and not much homework. After the diagnosis, we applied for EHCP, and she has lots of help at school. Take her to the paediatrician, talk to the teachers, and find help because her behaviour isn't normal. x

I think she needs an appointment for a bloodtest, a complete protocol. A 6-years old só exhausted, to me that says she lacks some vitamines? Enzymes? Iron?

Your post has broken my heart a little bit xx I feel I'm reading about my daughter (now 25) at the same age. Her years in the education system were the hardest on all of us - despite being academically able and fine with her close family, she was totally overwhelmed by the demands of the full time education system and what it took out of her socially and emotionally. Long story short, following a total mental breakdown, she was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum at age 13 - it has been a long, hard road which could have been easier with earlier diagnosis. I'm not diagnosing your daughter, but worth bearing in mind as girls do not present as 'typically autistic' and therefore are often diagnosed later in life (often following mental health issues) xx

Just by way of comparison, my 6 year old does afterschool club until 5 four days a week. On one of those days he goes swimming after. He's still bubbling with energy after. He goes to sleep at about 8.

It really isn't normal for a 6 year old to be that exhausted see a GP

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Why are you ignoring everybody telling you to go to the GP?

Sounds like it's most likely a medical issue. Definitely get her to a GP and rule out any physical health issues.

Agree to get checked (I did) but also could be totally normal, it’s the same for one of my DC who had made it through school, but pretty much always had this.

I also went to school in Europe, and yes we finished at 1pm but that was because we started at 8am and had just one 30 min break. Tonnes of homework, usually 2-3 hours per day.

DS starts at 9 but has two fifteen minute breaks (mid morning and mid afternoon) and an hour for lunch. Finished by 3:30. So only 30 mins more. And no homework, aside from a bit of reading and weekly spellings and times tables.

do you think it’s sensory overload ? My daughter is 7 diagnosed with adhd and that’s a lot like her. She now only does half days

The transition into Y1 is so hard. It’s full on and the expectations of the national curriculum are high. How is she managing with the learning? It could be sensory or overwhelm too which could be indicative of neurodiversity, especially as you describe the explosive behaviour after school. She could be masking. I’d speak to the SENCo and ask for them to do a sensory profile and observation of her in school. You could do a sensory profile at home too (google will find you one). I’d make an appointment with the GP to discuss things again. The school nurse could also help in your situation. She sounds at risk of EBSA too so perhaps contacting the school mental health lead (via the class teacher or SENCo) to put some early support in place.

I agree with the other posters here. Your little one needs to see a doctor. This sounds like myself decades back. My DM was sent for by the school. I was age 5 putting my head down on the desk and going to sleep. My DM was quizzed on my bed times, breakfast routines the lot. I was an early bedder because like your DD it was quite impossible for me to stay awake. Initially my gp told DM that I had poor circulation and then it was a heart murmer that I would out grow. I didn't outgrow it and eventually required a surgery. It's always best to rule all these things out. Better safe than sorry. I'm also wondering if in the interim you could meet with DD's head teacher and ask if there is any extra support available. For example a classroom assistant that could work with her maybe in a quieter setting for part of the day. Playground assistants who could monitor how her energy levels appear during outdoor play. They could also ensure inclusion in some activities. It's an anxiety for you both. I Hope you get it sorted out soon.

I know you have been asked this already, but I can’t find a reply where you have answered the question. Have you take her to the doctors? She may need her bloods checking for any deficiencies or other underlying conditions.

See a GP then if not a medical issue. Which it could be, then look at other issues. You say an adult would be signed off if this tired. An adult should have a medical work up, including blood tests as suggested before. And if she is fine on holidays and weekends that doesn't mean it is not a medical condition. It just means she and you can regulate her tired levels without even thinking about it. Instead of crying life isn't fair and blaming the situation, look at yourself and your daughter. See a GP, push for a medical work up and then persue other solutions afterwards.

She could be Autistic. My DS1 was very much like this after school in the earlier years. We already knew he was Autistic then. DDs meltdowns tended to be before school, she was quite and polite and did well. She still masks pretty much all the time. Nobody realised that her school anxiety and overwhelm were actually signs of her being autistic. INone of her teachers realised. The teacher she had in year 5 when i tentatively raised the idea surprised me by agreeing it was possible. She'd previously worked in specialist provison and had a lot of experience with Autistic children. She is diagnosed and im thankful it happened before secondary school. She was really struggling for a while pre diagnosis. Unless you could peek inside our home you still wouldn't see any signs she's Autistic, she internalises everything and masks unless its just me and her brothers. School not seeing it doesn't necessarily mean much. It might be worth your while doing some reading around Autistic girls that mask well and keeping an eye out to see if it starts to fit her. Autism, especially in girls, can look very different to typical stereotype people think of as representative of autism.

It sounds like ASD burnout to me. Girls with ASD are often perfectionists and work hard to be the perfect students. They push themselves too hard academically whilst trying to fit in socially. Masking can result in needing a day to recover from one hour of school so you end up with a completely exhausted child.

The whole well behaved at school but acting up at home would suggest this. And the asking to have Wednesdays off. I would talk to your GP get some bloods done and ask them about ASD.

As others have said, please take her to a GP. The majority of comments on here are suggesting it and you haven't responded to any of them for some reason. It's not usual for a six-year-old to get tired so easily and there could be something physical at the cause of it. Please do take her, even if it's just to rule out physical causes.