Tell me where you work without telling me where you work...

[hooplawoopla]

Hoping to cheer myself up as had a crap week!

So I'll start...

This week so far I got called a fing c**t, had a chair thrown at me, had a book thrown at me and been spat at.

Any guesses what I do for a living?

Sadly, so has mine….🙁

Spend large parts of the day laughing, get to spend time on researching my favourite subject, watch amusing YouTube clips, get my lunch from a pro chef at very reduced rates, meet and greet about 200 people a day, get to spend regular time outdoors in a pretty setting ( lovely when sunny, not so great in winery drizzle.

I work in a chemotherapy factory.

Stare at a blank page till my eyes bleed. Watch telly. Frenziedly type 2,000 words out of nowhere, send them off, decompress by reading a history of cannibalism.

University ?

Are you Claudia Winkelman?

Last week I talked about all the different psychopathologies people can have for about six hours.

Also guess a job I used to do-I wasn't allowed to do that job unless I had very high heels on. And I once glued someone's knuckle wound with glue meant for false eyelashes.

@NomDePrune you work with LAC?

Also guess a job I used to do-I wasn't allowed to do that job unless I had very high heels on.

Flight attendant. The knuckle gluing was because you were in midair.

I stab people on a daily basis 🤣

Health visitor

I tell people that we will be with them soon but in reality that could be 3 hours. Bad weather is both a good thing and a bad thing. Honestly I spend most of the time soothing people about their oversized toys (staff and clients) I have no background or training in this area but a surprising amount of the time I can sort the issue over the phone.

Are you in the Cabinet?

Technical support and booking field engineers for WiFi?

Breakdown recovery firm?

A care worker at elderly people's complex

A mental health nurse

A person who works at children's care home

A youth worker

A probation worker

Part 1 of my job: People write in asking for information, I get mad and write back either giving them said information or refusing to. Part 2: I say yes or no to where you’re allowed to do “that” with someone else’s information. Part 3: Attempt to guide a young whippersnapper to be just like me

Nurse who takes blood?

Do you have a role at the Information Commissioner's Office?

sometimes if they don't word the request correctly it can also be accuracy said x information is not available, apparently this was an example used in an x files episode as a way to limit truth seekers when requesting various files. (obviously fiction but i wonder if its also partly true)

Far less glamourous, I used to be a stripper. The bouncer had punched someone, which obviously he wasn't meant to do, and nobody knew where the First Aid Kit was (if indeed the club even had one). He didn't want the police to see his knuckles, so I glued where he was bleeding.
Very hygenic.
I don't condone violence, even though the guy was being a complete wanker. He'd been chucked out of the club for assaulting the stripper who'd danced for him, and as a result had vandalised the manager's car.

Breakdown recovery. Turns out ‘have you tried turning it off and on again’ works a lot more than it really should…..

Great fire of London? Makes you quite young!

I was once asked if I used to live in a (stone aged) cave.

GfoL used to be Y2

Taking everything off would be Nursery/YR or an autistic kid.

I spend three days a week sorting through bags of clothes which are not always clean.

@LauderSyme Nailed it! (Pun intended.) I had someone ask if we sold nails the other week. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I had to ask him to repeat the question, I was so floored! But then you get people asking for completely random things that I don't think we've ever sold, like luggage tags. Or they don't know what they actually want to buy, or they take a picture of something and show it us, but haven't measured it. Or bring in a dirty toilet seat and dump it on the counter. That was a favourite of mine. 🤢

As an aside, I get fed up of people asking daft questions when five seconds on Google would give them an answer, and this isn't just a work thing! (Although it is a work thing too, why drive or walk to my workplace and waste a journey when you could just check our website to see if we sell that thing?) I see people asking daft questions online, when they could just look it up. The time it took them to type 'what is an MP?' in a YouTube comment section would have been the same as typing it into Google in the first place. (I saw that gem last week.)

I take forms from students, then I take their money. Finally, I take unflattering photos of them.

My previous role:

I am a cheerless jobsworth with no sense of humour or common sense. When people ask me for help, I enjoy finding reasons to say “no”. I fill my days by completing tasks in the most convoluted and inefficient way possible, as this keeps me in a job. My colleagues and I spend our departmental budget on hare-brained initiatives, which we invent during our long boozy lunches down the pub.