Is it me or are school being petty?

[stilllivingoutofboxes]

I know there's been a few articles on here recently about school standards and this definitely isn't a school/teacher bashing question. But I'm just wondering why there seems to be massive differences in expectations between schools in terms of uniform rules, etc.

For context, we moved house at Christmas. Children are at new schools, youngest 2 girls at primary and eldest daughter in Y8 at a 'good' high school. Primary school seems to be fine, and girls are happy and settled. Eldest on the other hand seems to be having trouble meeting the standards of the new secondary school, having been managing well at her previous school.

She's had uniform detentions twice already this term for her uniform not meeting the required standards. And it's (to me) seemingly petty things. Like the fact that her shirt will come untucked during the day and she'll get told off for it showing from under her jumper. So she'll tuck it back in, but later in the day it might happen again. Or the fact that she seems to keep having tie issues. The tie has a logo which must show just below the knot of the tie. She's just about mastered tying the tie to make that happen. But then she'll get told off because the tie has slipped down and the logo has gone below her jumper and can't be seen.

I don't know what to do really. She'll leave the house looking smart, but then by the nature of her being quite an active child it obviously becomes less smart during the day. And I'm concerned that she'll start to become paranoid about it.

Absolutely this. The last time I went into school to pick up my child for medical appointment a parent who was banned from the school for reasons like westerneese described. The parent couldn't come thro the gates and was spoken to via the intercom.

Petty pathetic rules like this are one of the reasons so many people have no respect for schools/teachers anymore! Before anyone screams on about how it's preparing them for the world of work....thats a load of bollocks as well! I have never worked in any job with rules about getting a warning if your shirt becomes untucked or your tie isn't done up properly 🙄. My current workplace has a fairly strict uniform policy but none of the petty crap!

I had to wear one from the age of 5!!

Oh I didn't realise, that's really interesting as they don't seem generally slobby. Maybe that's just something to to with the UK then and other factors

When I was at secondary school in the late 60s early 70s, the deputy head used to station herself at random points on the various routes to school, to ensure that the girls were wearing their berets, and the boys their caps. Instant detention if we weren't. Even though we could be half a mile or more from the gates.

The main thing is what does your dd feel about the detentions? if she’s upset I’d approach the school and explain.

Yes I’d approach the school but in a polite way, not in the aggressive way suggested by PP. It’s quite hard being the new girl in a class where everyone else is already settled, without this additional upset.

Why have you lost respect for teachers? Teachers don't make the rules they just have to enforce them. Teachers deserve all the respect in the world especially when dealing with certain parents.

He seems to be only one going into isolation for the day when his tie does get snatched and broken, ties are stupid on high school kids anyway they should just stick with shirt, cardigan/jumper and blazer

That sounds like bullying - something the school really should be dealing with.

Oh yes, I had a beret though never saw a teacher on the way to school. Think they went in the late 60s though.

No. It is the catchment school and they will do their statutory duty, which is to educate my children and treat them in accordance with law, including international law.

their arbitrary rules which have no bases in law can simply get fucked.

OK, perhaps I was being a little bit unfair to the 1950s. 😃

Perhaps the problem is that schools seem unable or unwilling to tackle the serious issues of bullying effectively so they pounce on minor uniform infringements instead. A soft target, so to speak.

Either way, school uniform is a very dated concept which does nothing to prepare children for the world of work. The world has moved on. Smart casual has been the normal dress code in most places I have worked for a long time now. Blazers and ties have become a rarity as far as I can see. Not that many occasions when they are required.

my children do very well at school. Zero behaviour or academic issues. Which makes it even less likely that I will accept a school fucking about.

I absolutely sympathise. Most teachers are probably normal and I’m sure we could have a normal conversation in any circumstance. But a letter like that sent to me would be returned by hand to school reception and the head teacher would be contacted to say that they must never send me such a nonsense letter again.

no doubt meetings may ensue but I would hold firm.

Mine don’t do homework. My decision. School have had to accept it.

If they are in secondary then I feel sorry for your kids. My kids didn't get grades 7-8-9 s by not doing homework. They worked hard for their grades. I hope you won't mind being told that they carnt go to prom because they didn't do their homework because that's what's happening at my kids school. Parents up in arms about it, if only they had been supported to do their homework by parents they wouldn't be in this situation.

They are not at secondary. They will do homework in secondary.

@Maxus some teachers ( not all) take great pleasure in enforcing petty crap like this!

It will be a bit late to instill that kind of self discipline all of a sudden by then, but it doesn't sound like you care about that.

Yeah, kids don’t learn or change after the age of 11. Silly me.

I guess you are just a much better parent than me. We should have some kind of parade for you.

I think there should be a ticker tape parade for the school that has to put up with you!😂

@Westernesse appears to think that he is some kind of special , unique person that will be exempt from being dealt with like any other parent in a school . Eventually people who think they are better than everyone else or warrant being treated differently come unstuck . I feel sorry for his kids who are being bought up with the attitude that nobody is allowed to challenge them in any way , hopefully there is a second more sensible parent in the background .

School uniform rules are BS. I would not send my kids to a uniform school. Luckily in my area lots of good secondaries do not have one.
I did have one at one school and they were really lax about it, I used to make holes in my shirt with a hole punch and deliberately ladder my tights! but I did get told off for having the wrong number and colour of stud earrings. I guess I hate the idea that everyone should look the same.

@Futb0l nope I said I'll get the elastic put on myself and school refused and informed they must be clip! I might just add the elastic myself tbh I don't think they will check as long as he's got his tie

I don't have a problem with smart uniform per se. We knew when we viewed the school that uniform standards were tighter than her previous high school. What I don't particularly agree with and wasn't obvious in the prospectus or from what we were told was the degree of what I would perceive as pettiness in the detail. What I don't want to happen is for my daughter (and later my other 2 daughters) to become paranoid about checking shirts/ties, etc every 2 minutes in case something has accidentally slipped out of place.
As far as I am aware all her clothes fit properly; if I bought the next size up with everything then she would be swamped with massive long sleeves or whatever. As to why the tie slips down I don't know. Maybe it's the material because it's a bit shiny and new? But she is quite an active girl and isn't one for standing around chatting all break or lunch so maybe that's why? Or maybe she pulls it subconsciously?
I don't see how it looks for school because I've gone by the time she leaves the house and I'm back after she's got in. I just see her with her shirt totally untucked and tie loosened/top button undone that's how she has it in the evenings.

Things seem to have gone full circle.

When I started school (1960), we had to wear blazers and ties from the age of 5.

I wore a fekking tie every school day for 11 years. On the last day of 5th form, I (and several others) ceremoniously set fire to the bastard thing. Thankfully, 6th form was non-uniform.