Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

955 replies

ZeeB68 · 17/01/2024 16:50

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Lwr3nagain · 17/01/2024 18:18

Do any posters work driving long distance or have anyone else who does. It be posting it around the world tbh.

tiagra · 17/01/2024 18:18

Post it overseas to your BIL's address then tell your DH you're on your way to visit them with the kids.

Tinkerbyebye · 17/01/2024 18:19

I would find it and remove it from the car and the. See if he says anything. Accidentally drop it down a drain near your home

I would also go to the nearest apple shop and ask them to check the phone to seeif there is a tracker on it and remove it

when he gets back I would be having a long conversation about why he thinks it’s acceptable to go away for that long for a wedding and have no thought about you left at home, and when exactly you will be getting your three weeks worth of ‘me’ time when he will be looking after the kids. I would be giving dates for various weekends making up the three week

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 17/01/2024 18:19

Sorry this is a huge red flag, locate the AirTag, contact apple to see who purchased it/registered to. Contact police and a lawyer.
show him you mean business and are not a wet noodle.

Anxhor · 17/01/2024 18:19

If I hid an AirTag like that it would be to know you were safe in case you came off a road in a ditch

My DD is on my Find my phone just so I know she's safe. I barely look at it any more

I'll keep her on there till she decides to come off it which could be 30 years from now Grin

MzHz · 17/01/2024 18:20

All this talk of driving it here there and everywhere

@ZeeB68 has a little baby, the last thing she needs to be doing is staying up all night to drive all over the shop!

NeedToChangeName · 17/01/2024 18:20

sellingpetrol · 17/01/2024 17:07

Is it a nice car? There is a shocking problem with theft of Audi, BmW and Land Rover right now. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if my husband dropped one in my car. We all share on find my iPhone anyway.

perhaps you have other concerns about your husband and relationship, so I may be completely on the wrong track, but just thought I’d mention it.

@sellingpetrol even if you didn't know it was there?

MzHz · 17/01/2024 18:21

Although posting it to him would be hilarious, he would track it thinking OP was driving all the way to him! 🤣

OhGoOnThen0 · 17/01/2024 18:21

Anxhor · 17/01/2024 18:19

If I hid an AirTag like that it would be to know you were safe in case you came off a road in a ditch

My DD is on my Find my phone just so I know she's safe. I barely look at it any more

I'll keep her on there till she decides to come off it which could be 30 years from now Grin

You'd hide it? Rather than ask if the person is OK with it in the car?

Povertytrapped · 17/01/2024 18:22

I was flippant earlier not realising this might be part of wider abusive behaviour, my apologies.

Having escaped from an abusive marriage myself, get a friend to help with the DC whilst you gather financial and other info, get yourself a solicitor and generally get your ducks lined up.

Leave the air tag exactly where it is as it's telling him nothing, and if possible take a photo of it in place in case you need to prove his controlling behaviour.

Best of luck love, you deserve a lot better than he sounds.

Pookerrod · 17/01/2024 18:22

It could be innocent. We have one of the keyless cars that are always getting stolen and my DH has hidden an AirTag in it in case it gets stolen and they rip out the gps tracking device.

DamnUserName21 · 17/01/2024 18:22

The irony. He fucks off abroad for 3 weeks as a singleton, leaving you with children including a baby, and he is spying on you!

Projecting, maybe?!

Jk987 · 17/01/2024 18:22

Has anyone else been in the car and could they possibly have left it there? One of your kids even? They might have got it from a school friend and dropped it.

If it's defo your husband, it's pretty shocking. To think you might be up to something when you're 3 months post partum is extreme!

InSpainTheRain · 17/01/2024 18:23

Do you have good reason to jump to this conclusion? Could it be that it simply fell off the case or out of a bag he was taking? Or as he bought one he put it in the car to track the car (not you). I don't want to minimise it - because if he is tracking you that's awful - but there are other explanations.

misslooloo · 17/01/2024 18:23

I’d keep it in the car happily tracking away normally, with some mid-afternoon detours to a random Travelodge. Leave it there for a hour. Repeat a couple of days later.

AltheaFuckYou · 17/01/2024 18:23

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/01/2024 18:16

@ZeeB68 having read your other thread (which is grounds enough for leaving on its own) I wonder if MIL has been dropping yet more poison in his ear about you.

He obviously senses that you are at the end of your rope with him, when you said that you are going to do what you think is best and him and his mum dont like it then he is welcome to leave. That is a big change from the people pleaser you had been up until then, so this may well be because he thinks that you may use his trip to pack up and leave and he wants to know where you are if you do.

This is very chilling I really do think that, despite what you have said before, divorce should NOT be avoided now. Controlling behaviour gets worse, it will not stop here. Men who fear that they are losing control ramp up the abuse. You have the gift of a few weeks without him there to get your stuff sorted.

Paperwork, passports etc, all stored out of the house preferably at your mums (sadly not SIL as although she sounds supportive, ultimately she is his family not yours and may not have your back when he starts kicking off). Make sure you have access to money, savings etc and if you dont have your own bank account, open one pronto but DONT use online banking with it if you fear he could be monitoring your phone. Personally Iw ould be looking at getting a second phone to use for anything other than contacting him/his family if you can afford it.

This gives background

idontlikealdi · 17/01/2024 18:23

sellingpetrol · 17/01/2024 17:07

Is it a nice car? There is a shocking problem with theft of Audi, BmW and Land Rover right now. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if my husband dropped one in my car. We all share on find my iPhone anyway.

perhaps you have other concerns about your husband and relationship, so I may be completely on the wrong track, but just thought I’d mention it.

Then he should have told her.

I'd be 😡 op. Find it and drop it on a bus or train. Then see what he says.

NeedToChangeName · 17/01/2024 18:24

Shinyandnew1 · 17/01/2024 17:49

If this was my husband (who is a decent chap who loves me and I have no reason to disbelieve), I would ask him if he’s put one in my car.

Is your husband a decent chap who loves you? Do you not trust each other? Are you able to just pick up the phone and have a conversation about it?

@Shinyandnew1 Yes that's a good point

My DH knows I'm not keen on these devices

But, if we'd never discussed it, and I found one, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt about his motives eg safety / stolen car, I'd tell him I'm not keen and I've removed it, and he'd accept that. That would probably be the end of the conversation

OP, it probably is worth exploring why this bothers you so much

Jk987 · 17/01/2024 18:24

Pookerrod · 17/01/2024 18:22

It could be innocent. We have one of the keyless cars that are always getting stolen and my DH has hidden an AirTag in it in case it gets stolen and they rip out the gps tracking device.

Yes but you know about it. Her dh didn't tell her!

OhmygodDont · 17/01/2024 18:25

brassbells · 17/01/2024 17:43

Change the WiFi password at home then if he has any cameras or other things like Alexa connected to them they won't work anymore

Do you have a ring or other type of doorbell or security lights outside?

If you change password they won't work either

A woman at the gym last week was saying her son's Alexa was able to listen in to conversations in the house. So she said his wife was able to hear what was being said while she was away from the house -- no idea if this is true or completely gaga but if you have one disconnect it

Or baby monitors connected to the WiFi

Yes you can use the drop in feature on any Alexa to hear a conversation. It technically plays a sound first but if you have the volume turned down it doesn’t. You can also open the camera on the show type ones again it will then display but a strategically placed birthday card or book or something could cover most of the screen while still letting you access the camera.

If you are worried about more covert tracking in the house. I agree with the poster who said about changing the wifi password, or simply just shutting the whole internet off. See if he messages you about it. Because he wouldn’t know unless there is devices he expects to be on sending notifications say like a door bell unless his checking devices on the wifi.

Also turn off your location on your WhatsApp, Snapchat, find my iPhone sharing settings etc.

Don’t have any phone conversations about this incident within your home or car. Preferably either near your own phone tbh.

I don’t agree that AirTags work for car theft. All it takes is one to have an iPhone themselves and it would then notify and the gigs up.

getsomehelp · 17/01/2024 18:25

Id find it & leave accessible it in the car so it looks like you are living your standard life. However I would also ask a friend or family member to come to your house & take it to the pub/club with them for several hours, dropping it back home to you afterwards & repeat this over the next 3 weeks.
but also take spoofy photos of themselves with the tag in the pub.

Watch what happens

DamnUserName21 · 17/01/2024 18:25

OP, I'd hide the air tag under the seat of a taxi. Dickhead will be tracking bizarre movements all over.

Resilience · 17/01/2024 18:25

I'd be deeply concerned.

The situation where you've been left alone while he's away. Plus the fact your instinct is to come here for advice or assume an innocent explanation speaks volumes.

Please DO NOT start playing games. Potentially he's a dangerous man and doing so could put you at risk. I'd leave well alone and use the time to think. If you don't want to involve the police yet, consider speaking to paladin for good advice. https://www.paladinservice.co.uk/]]

Fact is that technology has enabled stalking behaviours like nothing else. It's easy to see how find my iPhone becomes an app for checking if DP is going to be home on time for dinner (quite innocent) then extends to idle curiosity what they're doing now (not so innocent but not sinister) and then paranoid checking up on someone.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 17/01/2024 18:25

TheSnowyOwl · 17/01/2024 17:07

I would work on the basis that it wasn’t your husband and report to the police that you have a stalker. Be interesting to see your husband’s face when he realises his actions (assuming it was him) are now part of a crime investigation.

I like this!

TiredCatLady · 17/01/2024 18:26

Has it potentially fallen out of his bags when you’ve dropped him to the airport? As a PP has said - AirTags are pretty noisy so I would have thought you’d have heard it go off before now. If he’s genuinely trying to track you with an AirTag and knows you too have an iPhone then he’s not the sharpest.

Find it, send him a pic and say “I hope your bags are ok, this seems to have dropped out in the car and won’t stop pinging. I’ll keep it safe at home for you”.

But separately - look how different all the (outraged) comments are vs when a suspicious wife is looking to track their partner…

Swipe left for the next trending thread