Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

I think this is the thing. The fact that you came here, OP, rather than just asking your husband, says a lot about your relationship, aside from the Airtag.

Have some fun, tie it to a cat. He will think you are the bionic woman, jumping from the roof.

I would find it, remove it, and pop it on his desk or bedside table or similar and not say a word until he mentions it.

I’d also be getting my mumsnet ducks in a row, but I wouldn’t do anything rash yet.

I’d not do anything until he’s home so he can’t fabricate a lie while he’s away. Definitely check for cameras with a detector someone mentioned.

Ooh that is very creepy 😳 is he controlling in other areas of your life OP?

Does anybody know what happens if you take out the battery - will he get an alert informing him that his tag has been disabled?

If not, I would disable the AirTag by taking out the battery, or just take it out of the car and bring it into the house, then wait to see if he asks you about it. If he does, you will know that he has been checking your location and did not just put it there in the event that the car ever gets stolen (which is a totally normal use of air tags).

Or just leave it in place for now. In either case, when he comes home, tell him you found it and didn't mention it because you wanted to discuss it in person.

His explanation of why he put it there is completely irrelevant. The issue is that he either did it secretly or didn't think it was necessary to ask your permission ahead of time. Forgetting to tell you after the fact is also a complete irrelevance. He needed your consent BEFORE putting it in your car.

Even if he thinks the car is his property and it's only responsible to have a way to track it, any normal person would realize that this would also result in having the ability to track you, the driver, and you might find this invasive or controlling.

Or you could just start making plans to leave.

I'm up for this! My suggestion was going to be to ask your friends if they'd mind having it for a few days, keep passing it around, send it on some wild journeys during the next three weeks, and then deny any knowledge of it at all.

My ex tore a hole in the lining of my favourite bag and snuck an old phone in there with find my iPhone turned on. Got the shock of my life when it started making a sound at work. I gave it to one of my work colleagues to take home with them. My ex then tried to say I was somewhere I clearly wasn't. Oh how I laughed. Our relationship was going downhill anyway but that and a few other reasons pushed it right over the cliff. This doesn't sound great for you I'm afraid. As another poster said, leave it on the drive and see if he ever brings it up. That should give you your answer about why it was where it was.

I'd demand an explanation when he returns

It seems especially outrageous when you are at home with three kids. Is he paranoid?

I would be tempted to drive it to the nearest police station op

Then explain to the person on the desk that you heard a beep in your car and your phone flashed up saying there's an air tag in it.

I would not mention dh buying any and feign stupid at that point.

I'd then tell them your worried because your dh has gone away for three weeks so you are alone with the dc.

Thatl put the shutters up him

This is a lot to cope with on top of a newborn.

I can understand people putting tags in their own cars in the hope of locating it if it was stolen but not in other people's cars without telling them.

I think my biggest worry would be that there are other devices e.g. cameras/bugs in your house and your phone and laptop are being hacked. Writing that down seems extreme but a hidden tag in your car is extreme too esp when you aren't going anywhere without a newborn anyway.

Meant to say

Shitters

I’d leave it on a train.
or maybe a friendly truck driver will take it for a laugh.
Id also be getting my phone checked out for tracking apps.

I would also be taking some time out for myself when he gets back.
Three weeks is 21 days that’s a lot of Weekends just for you to recuperate.

Personally I think he’s really unreasonable for leaving you on your own.

Oh I'd be fuming, I'd be shoving it down the side of a bus seat or chucking it in the back of a delivery van. Let him try and figure out wtf I'm doing all day up and down the county.

He bought them to keep track of his suitcases in case they were lost. It’s plausible that he’s done the same for the car in case it’s stolen, and just forgotten to tell you.

Tell dh you found an AirTag in your car and you are going to the police tomorrow with it, as it must be a stalker and you are scared, then watch his face panic…

He does know they alert people now to their existence? They are not anonymous.

Happy to be corrected, but I thought you couldn't connect to an airtag that someone else is already connected to. So therefore, if its let you connect then he's not connected and not tracking anything?

@ZeeB68

I'd go for the up front attack. I'd message "Why did you hide an AirTag in my car? And you better tell me right now exactly where it is!!!". If he admits it I'd remove it and message "We will be discussing this breach of trust when you get home. If he denies it, I'd message "Then I'm taking my car to the police to have them locate it and find out who the owner of the AirTag is so they can be prosecuted for stalking". He'll be shitting plaid rabbits.

We have them in our vehicles, but they're 'shared' AirTags so we both know about them and they show up on our own 'FindMy'. If myDH had put one in the car, even with no 'bad intent', and didn't tell me I'd be furious.

@ZeeB68 having read your other thread (which is grounds enough for leaving on its own) I wonder if MIL has been dropping yet more poison in his ear about you.

He obviously senses that you are at the end of your rope with him, when you said that you are going to do what you think is best and him and his mum dont like it then he is welcome to leave. That is a big change from the people pleaser you had been up until then, so this may well be because he thinks that you may use his trip to pack up and leave and he wants to know where you are if you do.

This is very chilling I really do think that, despite what you have said before, divorce should NOT be avoided now. Controlling behaviour gets worse, it will not stop here. Men who fear that they are losing control ramp up the abuse. You have the gift of a few weeks without him there to get your stuff sorted.

Paperwork, passports etc, all stored out of the house preferably at your mums (sadly not SIL as although she sounds supportive, ultimately she is his family not yours and may not have your back when he starts kicking off). Make sure you have access to money, savings etc and if you dont have your own bank account, open one pronto but DONT use online banking with it if you fear he could be monitoring your phone. Personally Iw ould be looking at getting a second phone to use for anything other than contacting him/his family if you can afford it.

I’d be very tempted to call your DH saying you’re about to contact the police as you’re concerned somebody has been trying to follow you using an Airtag. See what he says.

Not if they are signed in on the same home network, which means he can see her messages etc too.......

Has he put one in his car too? Anti theft is the only OK reason I can think of. Did he say what he was doing with the other tags?

Is he usually jealous or controlling?

What would be the point in asking?. Nobody is going to admit they were tracking. They would inevitably say that the were tracking the car to make sure it wasn't stolen although even that would be outrageous - you don't put something in someone's car without asking permission.

The airtag alert tells you one is "moving with you" and does indeed give you a map. Explained here.

https://www.idownloadblog.com/2021/05/13/what-it-looks-like-when-an-airtag-is-stalking-you/