Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

I think I’d be inclined to tell him you’ve found it and that you’re reporting it to the police. Don’t suspect him. Say it must be from someone else. His response will speak volumes. If he says to leave it, push and push and say no, you’re home yourself with a new baby and are going to the police. If he then admits it, you’ll have your answer. It would make me consider divorce though. You can then decide what you’d like to do.

It's illegal to do this even if you are married. Our neighbour was arrested for doing this on his wife's car (family car as he had a work truck)

A couple of people have mentioned an earlier thread which most of us haven't read. If there are already serious issues in your marriage OP, then I would use these 3 weeks to gather everything you need and leave safely.

Follow a pps advice and hide your tracks by taking public transport/ taxi/ walking to key appointments so the tracking info from your car looks 'normal' to him.

Well I didn’t actually know about it until it pinged on my phone like the OP.

But like a PP said, I have a good husband and we all can see each other’s whereabouts from our iPhones anyway so I had no concerns that he’d put it in there for any other reason.

Find it, pop it in an envelope, and send it to Timbuktu.

I like your thinking!

@ZeeB68 I hope you manage to find it. I would just put it away somewhere and say nothing. He will then have to awkwardly find a way to bring it up. Obviously you'll do what you want but I dont think I'd be able to stay with a creep like that.

Forget what I said, do this... 🤣

Post it to me OP and then I'll post it to another Mumsnetter - it can go right round the country before he gets back...or just take it with you to the solicitors and leave it there...

Is there anything that has made you consider he'd behave like this? is he controlling in any way?

I am torn about this one. IMy husband (who is in law enforcement) has put some sort of tracker in practically everything I own...my wallet, all my purses and an apple tracker in my car. However, I tend to be unfocused and frequently leave things behind when I am out. If he hadn't told me, I would not be happy.

I'd be furious. What exactly does he think your up to with 3 kids? Is he controlling in other ways?

It's not for safety. What exactly would he do if you got carjacked? Nothing because he's away for 3 weeks on a jolly.

I'd check all your devices. I'd check the house for hidden devices. I'd change all my passwords.

Use your 3 weeks getting your ducks in a row.

I've read your other thread. This is the man with a batshit mother - they sleep in the same bed when he goes back to Pakistan to see her.

Your SIL isn't your friend, OP. She will always side with her family. You can be nice to her but don't think that what you tell her will be a private conversation.

Your husband is absolutely awful. After reading the other thread I completely believe he's put that air tag on your car.

If I were you I'd take steps now to separate and I'd be gone before he returns. I'd also report the air tag to the police, because you will need every single weapon you can find if you are going to leave him.

I'd also move back to live near or with your mum, with the children.

I don’t condone the use of helium balloons but would make an exception for this and tie the air tag to one and let it fly off into the ether. Even better if you’re near the coast and can get the wind to carry it out to sea.

Outrageous. What is also outrageous is that he has buggered of for 3 weeks leaving you with a 13 week old baby and 2 other kids.

Seriously, I would say nothing. Nothing at all. I'd get my savings and paperwork together and present him with divorce papers. No arguments, nothing.

If he suspects you of being up to something while he's away, leaving you with a 3 month old baby, what is HE doing while he's away from home?

This must be horrible for you OP.

Firstly, try and rule out innocent reasons. Was his luggage ever in your car? Did you drive him to the airport therefore it could have fallen out accidentally? It will be a lot more difficult to explain away if his luggage was never in your car.

Next you need to locate it and again, is it hidden somewhere where that it only could have been put there on purpose? It may not actually be in the car but could be hidden in a handbag or jacket.

Your next steps would then depend on what your husband is like as a person. If he has any inclination for violence or abuse then don't mess around with sending anywhere, you need to remove it and leave. Otherwise, I would photograph it and leave it somewhere strange and see if he questions you on where you have been and that will be proof that he has been deliberately tracking you.

You should also check the house for any other cameras/tracking. Good advice upthread regarding how to check if your phone is being tracked and how to block it.

I don't think this is lawful. You should check with your local police station. Then tell your husband that they are investigating.

Have you any friends or family nearby who can help you with your children and the baby while he is away? When you have some spare time why not book yourself a break for when he's back.

Put it in a jiffy bag and post it somewhere abroad.

This is very good advice.

Get copies of financial documents, bank statement, pensions etc. Stash the children's passports and birth certificates with someone trusted.

Has your SIL gone away, too? If you do anything dodgy with the air tag, tempting though that would be, I think he'll find a way of someone finding out where you are.

Go to the police and report it.

This can't be a one off OP. Has he shown he doesn't trust you before?

Me too, I would be determined to get my own back on the tw*t😒

Any chance he put it on his suitcase so didn't get lost /stolen and fell off in boot

Please OP don't follow advice to put the tag on a bus, or in a Travelodge etc. This is worrying behaviour and you don't know what his reaction will be if he thinks you are up to something. Take the opportunity of him being away to check the house for cameras, if there are any then report that to the police. If he's gone that far he's almost certainly dangerous. He probably is with the stalking behavious as it is. Take the opportunity of him being away to at least make a plan to leave if you need to.

I'd put it on a bus somewhere and let it go round and round the town. Then I'd be too busy packing me bags to answer his FaceTime calls.