Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

Tell him you think you've a stalker and have contacted the police about a tracker on your car .

Ditto. This man is bad news.

If he's not told you, it might be because he thinks you're cheating on him.

Ime people who are this paranoid about what their OH is up to, are judging them by their own standards.....that is, why is he assuming that three weeks with him gone would have you up to no good unless that was his first thought about him having three weeks without you there?

Personally I would be driving to the most well known local family law solicitor in your town, have an hour or so wait and then drive home. See how he likes that little bit of information.

When you find it, drop it in the grounds of a luxury hotel

Could be innocent. Lots of people use them as cheap security trackers. Is there one in his car?

He's probably put one in the car for general reasons

What?! No.

No man is going to secretly put an airtag in either MY car or MY other property, or our shared vehicle or luggage etc., without permission, and have that okayed - likewise should be the case for every woman.

This is not okay OP. There is no minimising explanation that makes this okay, other than if he dropped it there. Which it doesn't seem as though he did, but others have put ideas on here as to how to work out if it was innocent.

I agree that you need legal advice and to get ducks in a row OP to leave if shit hits the fan when he returns. Make sure someone you trust knows that this has happened and when he is due back and comes back, you might need help at short notice. There's lots on this site about how to get ducks in a row and stay safe, when to involve the police, etc.

The airtag I'd actually leave it there most of the time, make a note of exactly where it is to put it back again if I take it out, and take it out when I'm going somewhere I actually don't want him to know, such as the solicitor (or park in normal place and walk/get the bus rest of the way). I wouldn't want him to know I had found it at this point. Get photos of where it has been found, but get a friend to take them on their camera, or get a cheapo camera from Argos (pay with cash) and do it with them. Get them printed or onto a memory stick and lodge with your solicitor. Don't have anything on your phone IMO.

Please listen to advice from @brassbells and others. Don't go for the option of putting it in the river, or sending it round nightclubs as has been suggested. Play the long game, and be safe.

That’s not ok. Do you know someone who travels regularly for work?! Pilot? I’d give them the tag.

I'm bloody minded enough to think that in your shoes OP, I'd wait until the weekend then get a babysitter who can stay really late, or sleep over, for the other kids, and then taking the baby with me, I'd do a tour of a couple of local night spots, sitting outside each for a while, and then go and park outside of some random house, so he thinks you've gone home with someone to have sex. I'd then return home at about 2am, and let him wonder WTF I'd been up to? He'd then either have to stew for the rest of his time away, or ask straight out what you've been up to, and then have to explain that he's been tracking you. Either way, if my DH did this, having already pissed me off, by leaving me on my own with kids and a new baby for 3 weeks, the marriage would be over, but then I'm a stroppy mare!

The cheeky git I absolutely would be popping it on next doors cats collar. That or I would tell him I found it and let him think about that when he gets home but it would be out of the car he’s no right to track you

@ZeeB68 Find the AirTag and remove it from your car.

look at the Find My on your phone and switch it off.

then think about how you want to deal with this.

this whole situation is totally fucked up.

I’d be text him saying “why have you put a tracker in my car?” I’d then wait for 1 response via text and block the muppet, let him sweat. I’d probably be using this 3 weeks to leave.

@ZeeB68 if you know your being watched via the tracker, you could use that to cause puzzlements as to why your driving to x,y,z and the only way he would know is inadvertently revealing the tracker

Yes, a three week jolly to celebrate the sanctity of marriage, while putting a tracker on his wife's car and expecting her to take care of the family on her own.

He's not worth having, OP. Even the holiday on its own tells you that, but the tracker is the cherry on the cake.

Perhaps he has put it there to be able to track the car if it has been stolen.

If I bought a few air tags I can understand someone putting one in the car - I might even hide it so I could keep track of it if it was stolen?

I wouldn’t do this if the car was mid range or if I didn’t live somewhere it was likely to get stolen though. Is that a possibility?

that was my first assumption. If you buy a 4 pack, use 3 for luggage may as well use the 4th for the car? Better than being unused in the house?

@ZeeB68 is your partner from another culture? May explain the three weeks at a wedding thing.

OP do you know what I'd do? Nothing, other than locate where he's hidden it then leave it there.

For one thing you don't alert him to the fact that you've found it.

For another if he comes back and tries to gaslight you that you've been up to no good you will have all the evidence you need right there on your phone. That will take the wind out of his sails.

All that assumes you would be safe. You know him, I don't. Three weeks for a wedding is a long time, I would take that to mean there are cultural issues here. If you did rumble him would you get support or would he get it all for being male?

That's awful, as is him going abroad and leaving you for so long with three young children .

Dump the tracker under your hedge so he thinks the car is permanently on the drive. Then go through your phone for any new apps, check microphone/camera permissions on all apps to see if they have been changed. Do you have family location sharing switched on too?

Then do a sweep of the house for hidden cameras. Had a new clock or book lately?

Can we play a game with it. Pass the air tag. Mail it to me, I’ll mail it on to another mn’er etc until it’s back to you just before he arrives back in the UK?

But he never uses her car, except he went out to fill it up with petrol before he went away.

Have his bags even been in the back of your car Op?

Seriously, you're that naive?

No, there is no valid "general reason" or "safety reason" why anyone would do this without telling their partner they were doing it at the time, and more to the point, asking if it was ok with said partner.

He was tracking and spying on you, so yes, I'd be checking for other things like cameras/microphones in the house and malware on my phone, and I would be considering my options very carefully.
Especially since those who are most concerned with this kind of thing tend to either be controlling, or they have things to hide and assume everyone else does too.

Regardless, it shows a lack of trust that would be pretty devastating to any relationship I wanted to be or stay in.

So you'd then hide the last one in your wife's car and not tell her? That doesn't make any sense at all.