Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

Also, why did he fill your car with petrol before he left? Was it to be nice or does he restrict/control your money?

This. Plus I'd be telling him when he got home of this mysterious occurrence and how supportive the police were when you reported it to them.
It is clearly controlling behaviour and coercive control if he has done it without your Express knowledge.
I'd remove it, then post it to wherever he is staying.
Could he have absolutely any valid reason to worry about you? Legitimately ? PND or longterm mental health issue, prior infidelity ? Thinking of any valid reason. Is he a jealous or controlling man in other ways that concern you ?. If so, and this is just the final straw, you have.three weeks to get out and get away.

Personally, I'd stop using the car. Borrow one or hire one, or get lifts from trusted people. I really don't think this is acceptable behaviour on his part.

Post it to Australia OP
Also, divorce the prick who left you alone for 3 weeks with a newborn and multiple children and then had the temerity to think he had the right to keep tabs on what you were up to while he parties non-stop

Brilliant. I find this so creepy OP!

How do you access AirTag history? I can only see where mine is in real time thanks

Attach it to your stroller and go for a walk and spell out, I'm watching you or something similar turn it back on him.

I'd find it and drop it in a bin at your nearest local pub. Sit back and wait 😊

Hoq is it coming up on tour phone though,we have 1 in my small grandsons school jacket as it has been taken home by other kids,but it only comes up on my phone it would need to have the app downloaded on your phone fir tou to see it.

There is a good chance he’ll know you will be informed. I sent my DD off with an AirTag to a school residential trip (with her knowledge!) I didn’t know about the beeping (so won’t be doing it again) - the thinking was that the school coaches were often very late and not great at telling you so. Anyway I got lots of strict messages from my phone telling me that I couldn’t use AirTags to track people, that they would be notified etc

Might help you find it:

https://gpstechnologies.com/2018/09/how-to-find-a-hidden-gps-tracking-device-on-your-car/

Have you looked under the car rather than inside, or in with the spare tyre.

It does seem very odd and a little scary I can understand your confusion and upset. I have no idea what an apple tag is and just wondered if it alerted your phone then presumably your husband has put your details in to set it up? If it was he was tracking you would it not be registered onto his phone following the device?
Do you or anyone else know if it is able to have 2 contacts on when tracking? I really don't know what I would do but as others have said you have time to reflect. Have you found the device?

Is this situation funny to you? Has it not crossed your mind that doing what you suggest may place a woman in danger?

I think I would drive myself to the nearest police station and tell them you find a tracker on your car and you are worried that you are being stalked. I would also tell them you are now concerned your phone and computer might also have been hacked and get their advice.

Basically you need to start building a case against your husband and use the time that he is abroad to leave the house or throw his stuff out of the house and change the locks.

You can then inform him that you found the tracker, that the police is involved and that you do not wish him to come back to the family home.

You need to put yourself and your kids first. This is not going to get better.

Ignore the flippant advice to get rid of the tracker or put it on a bus...this really is no laughing matter.

Abuser take some time to reveal their true face. I guess that now that you have a small baby he think he has you trapped and he can slowly ramp up the abuse and control because you won't dare leaving him.

could his cultural upbringing be part of the reason he’s suspicious? Certain views of women, western women in particular?

he’s left you alone for 3 weeks looking after kids and doesn’t trust you not to cheat on him.

if you don’t believe me then take the card round to a random address for a few hours and see how he reacts.

Oh these are fun.
Simple....do same to him. Cost £20

Wait to be found out.

Then you get his reasons why he did it and you just agree and say yes same reason you tracked him.

100% effective.

E.g dear wife I was worried about your safety driving.
Ahhh dear husband i felt the same

It would not suprise me if he was cheating on you OP.
Firstly he is projecting his shady behaviour on you.
Secondly £2.5K would be an absolute fortune in Pakistan. And 3 weeks? Come on

I don’t think OP is coming back to this thread. She has a history of posting, getting good advice, ignoring it and posting again the next month. It’s sad and I really hope she can finally take the advice one day.

@Mcmach1

Oh these are fun
Simple....do same to him. Cost £20

Stalking is fun in a marriage?

Are you sure it wasn’t just one of the ones he meant to take with him or has it been properly attached to your car?

Totally agree.

Do you know for certain its your husband that has done this? Has any other person had access to your car and does your husband normally take your car to fill it up or was this abnormal behaviour - because as you have suggested, this would be a good time for it to be intentionally planted? And was your car used to transport his luggage to enable the tracker to fall out?

Only you know the state of your marriage and whether he is controlling as opposed to protective. He should have told you his intention jf he was being protective. Any chance another family member or "friend" did this.

Personally I would take one of two actions depending on answers to the above. Report it to the police and tell them you fear your car is targeted for theft or worse. If they ask why you haven't mentioned it to your husband, tell them its because you don't want to worry him. No matter the outcome, if it is him, it will be recorded what he has done in case its needed in future

Or maybe go park outside the Police station for a couple of hours then text your husband and tell him you have had an alert about the tracker so have reported it to the police (but haven't really). Tell him it never crossed your mind it was him as a) you trust each other so he would have mentioned it and b) you got the alert when he was out of the country. You hadn't said anything as you didn't want to worry him but now its in the hands of the police, you can tell him with confidence you are safe. Then see what the reaction is. Do this by text and not call so he can't misconstrue whats been said to others.

Stay safe, tell a close friend or womens refuge what is going on as a fallback.

Check your phone and computer for tracking.

Finally, and I am sorry to say this, but given he has left you to go on holiday at such a difficult time, he is clearly very selfish and sometimes when someone is cheating/even casually messing around, they project the potential to do this on their innocent partner and act as if you are the concern and monitor your behaviour.

Please let us know the outcome. Big hugs

Could you give the OP a little credit and assume when she says not just something that's happened by accident as we have separate cars! that she isn’t forgetting that he sat in the back of her car unpackaging the Airtags and deciding what to do with them, or similar.

She didn’t write an essay about everything he didn’t do, but the clear message when she points out that they have separate cars, is that she can see no opportunity for him to have left one in hers accidentally.

Exactly. I'm astonished at how many people appear to be completely unaware of abusive and controlling behaviour in relationships and what massive red flags look like. "Fun?" For goodness sake!