Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

That's worrisome :(

Do you believe the OP is genuine? Maybe they post and get cold feet or only read the first replies then are too busy to check back.

In this instance I'd actually prefer they weren't!

I'd appreciate some dialogue with Mumsnet about why my post was deleted. I said nothing wrong, those children are in danger and the mother is complicit in their abuse at this point. You need to read their other posts and learn the backstory before deleting mine!

I really hope OP is ok and the husband hasn't set up some way of monitoring her internet posts.

Do whatever you can to be safe. Having read more of the thread it looks like you may need support from a women’s organisation.

@ZeeB68

One thing confuses me about your OP. You wrote

” I had a tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map” ……. I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! “

But Apple AirTags don’t show location history, they only show where the tag is now.If you were sitting in the car when you hear it beeping, all you apple see on the map would be the AirTags in the car.

So you can’t have seen a map of everywhere you had been. They don’t even store that data.

I can only assume it’s another type of tracking device.

Please be kind to @ZeeB68

I remember when I was her.

I used to name change, come on MN and post about yet another issue with my ex. I knew it was wrong, but I wasnt ready to hear that I was married to an abuser and therefore I was a victim of abuse and therefore by extension, so where my children. I had almost convinced myself that all was fine and it was just a "blip", a bump in the road. It took a fair few years of me doing that and then an awful incident for me to realise that what I was being told on here was true.

Being a victim of abuse can be almost as hard to come to terms with as the abuse itself. You know that things aren't right but you have managed to jiggle things around to the point where it is liveable. Where, day to day, you are just about getting through. you put the bad shit to the back of your mind and keep going. You cant look at the big picture as it is way too big, so you take it incident by incident. Angry because dinner was late? Set an alarm on your phone. Angry cos the baby woke him? Sleep with the baby and stay half awake. Angry because lack of sex? Pre-emptory blow job. Anything just to fire fight those "little" issues without adding them up into that insurmountable big picture.

Then you see, in black and white, the horror that other people have at your life, what you go through every day just to survive. Its so hard to take. Its like.....what is it like? Imagine driving down a road and thinking that you went over a small speed bump and then someone making you look back and see a dead body. Sounds dramatic but thats how it feels. Knowing that every little lie you told yourself is out there, writ large and no longer able to be believed.

She is posting, she is asking for help. As I did and as I know others have over the years. She will come back and eventually she will be ready.

I was wondering that but is there a way for the OP and her husband to be able to see each others devices on "Find my" phone. I'm not sure but I know my husband and I could track each other and each others devices easily.

Sounds weird though.

What was the other thread about? 😮

What was her other thread?

@NotMyFirstChoiceofName
@Doxxy

If there is an 'unauthorized' AirTag planted in your car, purse, whatever when you get the 'An AirTag is following you' alert it WILL show you a map of where you've been since the AirTag was detected, but I believe that's only if you have an Apple device with 'FindMy'. I know because my cousin's iPhone picked up the AirTag we have in our car. I was staying with her and we'd taken my car to spend the day shopping and about 4 hours after we left her house she was alerted and the map showed a dotted line from her house to all the shops we'd visited. We 'beeped' the AirTag and located it in the car, right where we'd hidden it. You'd have thought it'd hit me right away that it was 'our' AirTag, but no, we freaked out for a minute until I thought to go to FindMy and beep it.

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT212227

From the article:

"Find My displays a map of where the AirTag, Find My network accessory, or set of AirPods has been observed with you. The red dots show where the unknown item was detected near your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch."

This isn't the case.

I've had to use my husbands car this week that has an AirTag on his keys. The keys have been in my bag and the other day my phone told me there was an unknown AirTag nearby. When I clicked on it it showed all the locations I had been to while I had his keys in my bag.

@PyongyangKipperbang This is the treasure of wisdom and experience that makes MN worthwhile 🙏🤗

What a lovely post @PyongyangKipperbang. I’m sorry that you had to suffer that but hopefully @ZeeB68 will in time come to the same conclusion. In the meantime we are all here to offer support and advice when she needs it.

If you actually read this one, there's a link and others have summarised it. Or you can just search the OP's username.

Absolutely 100% be kind to OP but not at detriment to the children. Do not take them to Pakistan and get them away from this nasty bastard, it's cruel to leave them in this environment

OP I'm sorry you are going through this.

I would do the following:

1. Find the air tag. If you have a ring doorbell or suspect there might be other cameras etc at home, do this in your usual supermarket car park instead of your drive. If you need help call a trusted friend who doesn't know your husband to meet you at the supermarket. Pop it in a sandwich bag and keep it in the car (but somewhere easily accessible to you like the glove box). Don't change your regular routine (eg baby jazzercise on Tuesdays). I would also check your coats / handbags and the children's costs / bags / pushchair / nappy bag etc. for similar since I wouldn't assume that's the only device to locate you / them out of the house.

While you are at the supermarket buy a PAYG phone and sim (if you can one that also gives internet access) and load a chunk of credit at the same time. Something similar to a weekly shop shouldn't raise red flags if he monitors the bank account.

1. Find the children's birth certificates. My gut instinct tells me that three weeks might be long enough to get passports in Pakistan for them. If you find them, remove them, the children's passports, and any other important paperwork (marriage certificate, deeds, etc.)

1. Remove the AirTag and leave it in the sandwich bag on the drive. Leave your regular phone at home but take your PAYG. Drive to your mother or a trusted friend (again who doesn't know your husband or would 100% side with you like an old school friend) and leave the documents with them.

1. People have mentioned you don't have money of your own. Do you have access to a joint bank account / joint credit card? If so I would withdraw some cash again having left the tracker on the drive / phone at home. If you can access a lot and move it to a separate account at the bank, do so. If you can't withdraw what you can due to withdrawal limits (if you do it at 11:50pm you'll be able to withdraw the daily limit again after midnight for most accounts. You can do it for credit cards as well (incurs a fee but that's not your problem). Stash that with friend / mother. If he contacts you to ask I'd play on the dumb English brain - something (boiler, furnace) etc. broke and the repair man needed cash. If you can't take a lot out / can't use cash point can you do cash back with your shopping?

1. Get legal advice, especially around the children leaving the country. Some people have posted useful links here.

Then consider your options. You could change the locks at home. You could move out to a friend / mother / women's shelter. Do remember to leave all electronics / air tag at home before you do. You could do nothing for now, allowing you to build up some cash reserves by way of cash back at the supermarket for a few weeks until April. If you pretend nothing is up and allow him back as normal I would search his luggage as soon as possible for papers / passports (my guess is he wouldn't be that stupid and would have left with a family member but he was stupid with the air tag so who knows). I absolutely positively would not go to Pakistan with the children. There is a very real danger that they wouldn't come back. If the passports not being there go unnoticed, great, they are 'lost' and you can't fly. But otherwise have a plan b / c / d.

I wish you the very best.

Post it to him

RTFT

I did consider doing this for/to my DH who has some health issues and sometimes appears to have cognition problems. It would only have been to make sure I could find him if he got lost somewhere..

I decided against it, as it would totally break his trust in me and devalue him, and tbh he's been a bit better lately.

As a safety thing ok? Or worried about xar security, maybe, but needs a discussion really. I know a few couples who track each others phones, so they know when kids are being picked up etc, seems OK if you both happy about it..

OP plainly isn't "happy about it".

Everyone women need money not love not good life

When he decided to buy them for his suitcase has he perhaps thought it might be a good idea to put them in your cars in case they get stolen one day and just hasn't told you for whatever reason? If your relationship is otherwise good I wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions and would just ask him(face to face on his return so you can then judge by his expressions and demeanour whether there is anything to worry about) if,however, he has form for control or other abusive tendencies I wouldn't remove straight away but would consider over next few days how to deal with this in the way that is safest for you and any children. Either way hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

I hadn't read all of the posts before replying obviously sounds like there is a lot more in terms of abusive behaviour here OP. Hope you and children find safety and security. Other mumsnetters with different experiences have better advice and signposting for you. Take care of yourself.

Knowledge is power. Don't tell him you know . Find ways to find out what else he's up to. Think about getting out of the relationship

Go take it to someone else's house... Is there anyone he is insecure about? Drop it on their doorstep and wait for your phone to blow up 😂 then tear him a new one