Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

Or it could be benign, just for safety and he forgot to tell you. it’s an air tag, not a taser. Exactly how do you think that it is going to keep someone safe?

As for “if you don’t have anything to hide” you’ve presumably never been stalked then?

I had an ex who did this. It was before the days of AirTags, but he logged into all my social media to see what I was up to. He put a keylogger on my pc, he put some kind of tracking app on my phone, he put a recording device in the house.

And then he used to gaslight me into thinking that he’d seen me out with someone else. Would mention things that I’d only mentioned to people via email or on dm, Told me I’d been seen somewhere.

You have no idea the paranoia that kind of interaction causes. It’s like being watched 24/7 and I didn’t have anything to hide. But the feeling is one of having to be accountable for your every move, and if you even vaguely say something wrong then it will be held against you because someone is watching.

So if you’re up for that then crack on. But don’t you fucking dare criticise anyone else for not being comfortable with being stalked.

It might not be to track where your going. But with the amount of car's being stolen with ATM some with children inside he might be just being cautious. No matter how careful you are here's always. Especially when distracted packing shopping into the car or bringing shopping into the house.

And what good does that do when he isn’t in the same country? I would think the car owner who would be talking to the police would be better placed to have the tracking information to hand, not someone who might not be contactable.

MNers always think the worst and take the most convoluted courses of action. I agree with @andymary - just ask him. Then you can decide what to do next.
OR ... take it out of the car, put it in the house and tell him when he comes home that you found it in the car. No need for accusations until you've heard his story!

Well obviously not if everywhere she has been has come up on her phone. He must have paired it with her phone. Otherwise why would she get that information?🤔🙄

It’s not paired with her phone. Her phone alerted her to its presence. There has been information posted about them a few pages back.

My DH has never done anything in the 30 years we have been together that would make me suspicious. Not sure why you wouldn't be happy living like that. Far preferable to a relationship where your DH does things most people would find very suspicious and you have to have "quick chats" where he comes up with a story that you believe, however unlikely.

No.

Do you honestly believe this? You think the DH thought "gosh, I'm worried the car will get stolen with the kids in it, I'd better set up an air tag while I'm hundreds of miles away and can do fuck all about it" and just 'forget' to tell the DW about it? Surely, given she uses the car most, he'd have suggested she has it set up on her phone given she'd be better placed to react quicker?

No one would set up a tracker in their partners car for safety and forget to tell them. No one. Anyone believing this please, message me with your bank details I have £2mil left to me by Prince Afgjvfuhfryh in Nigeria and I just need an account to store it in and you can have 10% 🙄

😂😂

In this case it's very strange. But actually surely having an AirTag in your car if it was ever stolen couldn't remember where you parked it would be very helpful. However I don't think that was his intention otherwise he would have told you. He's being strange I would be suspicious and a little uneasy about that.

Leave it in there OP. You have nothing to hide. Feign total ignorance. Keep yourself safe and consider your future.

Park the car at the nearest airport for a few days...... It would be worth a few quid just to see what sort of texts/phone calls you'd get!!😂

Anyone who thinks the airtag is innocent, or an accident, or a joke has clearly not read all of this thread or the OP's other thread.

OP you and your children deserve so, SO much better than this.

Please consider leaving and please don't take your children to Pakistan in April. There is support available to you to get away from him and his toxic family and start over. You will be happy, I promise.

Why bother replying if you haven’t bothered to read the thread or the OP’s posts?? She can’t locate the tag to take it out. He has hidden it well.

I do think this needs repeating again. This man is dangerous, OP. Sending you strength.

Why is this funny to you?

Chuck it on the next train to Scotland/Cornwall delete as appropriate

Or post it to him!

The OP seems to have gone quiet. I really hope she is taking on board all the advice and making steps to leave her husband.

why are posters still coming up with reasons/solutions?
I doubt if the op is still reading, or if she is she’s having a good laugh at you all 😄

Just wondering - has your car been serviced recently, and does it have a catalytic converter? Is there a chance your husband didn’t put it in there (or that is on the underside of the car, rather than inside it?).

Am wondering whether you would be better just asking your DH in case your car is being targeted for a parts theft. If he says no, call the police (which will cause issues if he lied.)

Neighbours had theirs stolen (the old ones, probs circa the year of your car, have some sort of metal in it that is now worth a fortune). Took days to get it fixed, which would leave you without a car.

OP, regardless of what is going through your husband's mind, he is simply not allowed to do this. End of.

Get a garage to find the air tag and then inform the police. They will then be able to establish who bought it and your husband can tell them as he seems to be unwilling to tell you.

If nothing else, he has just given you grounds for divorce, as if three weeks carousing without you isn't enough.

What? 🤣 so a garage put an air tag on to target it to steal the cat converter? Or someone saw ops car, put a £30 tag on it, thinking they'll drive to her house later to steal it? All while hoping op doesn't have a phone to alert her to a tag being there? (I'd imagine a normal bloke being thick enough not to realise they send out alerts, not a gang of thieves)

All this instead of just driving around looking in people's driveways???

Well said, @TeaGinandFags

Our house is entirely covered externally by cameras, our phones get an alert when the alarm is activated and deactivated, we have a perimeter alarm that tells us (phone alerts) if the doors are opened.

My husband is the only one who can access the camera feeds and stored video (purely because I don’t care and am not interested enough to get the access out on my phone), our phones track each other (although I only just learned how to actually look at anyone’s location, and only because I was looking for my child’s location so was motivated to figure it out!) and our cars have trackers on that only my husband can access because (spoiler alert) I haven’t bothered to download the apps to my phone, nor do I intend to.

But we have all of this because we used to live remotely and someone entered our home when it was just me and my (at the time) young child at home, and I haven’t felt safe since. I find it really reassuring and it was all at my request.

I think you’ll know yourself whether this is sinister/there are underlying controlling issues at play which is entirely different to choosing to track a person or vehicle with their knowledge and consent for safety reasons - which seems to be more the case as it’s unnerved you.

The only thing that stands out to me is that it doesn’t really make sense. If you were free to go out and socialise I could see WHY a jealous/possessive person might be motivated to do this (not that it would be ok, obviously) but you have a 13 week old baby. What could he possibly think you’re up to that’s interesting enough to track? That’s what makes me genuinely think it’s been accidentally dropped….