Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

There is no way a legal ceremony would last three weeks. So whatever he's up to it's not just that.

Urgh, my friend's husband was like this. We went to Butlins together without our husbands and he went on and on at us about us 'hooking up with men'.

We had four small children with us FFS, what did he think we'd be doing?

Sounds like your husband is projecting, is he cheating on you? My friend's dickhead H was.

This is excellent advice.

Id also put the AirTag in someone else’s car and then see if he asks you about it. That will prove that he is using it to track you and it’s not just “ an accident - oh I must have dropped it in your boot”.

You can always say “ oh it was making a beeping sound so I gave it to techy friend Emma to see if she could fix it . How did it get in my car? “.

Just act dumb, don’t confront him. But

check for other tracking devices
check your house for hidden cameras
check your phone and laptop for tracking / key logging apps
change any passwords and user names that he might know
check joint and your own bank statements for suspicious transactions
think about seeing a lawyer

i can’t imagine how devastating this is, when you have a tiny baby and it’s very hard to think of leaving .

Haha I love how on every 'i suspect my dh is cheating' thread an airtag or something is suggested to track the dh. But now it's creepy. What if he suspects something?

Or it could be benign, just for safety and he forgot to tell you.
If you have nothing to hide, what's your problem/?

As PP said, I would put it on a cross-country bus and let his head explode. Even if it was for safety, he can have fun thinking you are speeding across the land having adventures haha! What a silly man.

So you wouldn’t mind being stalked?

I’m starting to sound like a broken record, I know that.

But can you really not think of one reason why provoking a reaction might be a terrible idea?

I don't have guilty conscience, so I would immediately think it was for safety.

I am pointing out the hypocrisy though. I woman may happily stalk her dh-cheating scum that he is-, a man may clearly not do the same

Leaving you alone for 3 weeks with a baby would be grounds for divorce for me. Concerning the AirTag I'd report it to the police. It's a criminal offence and I'd take delight in watching him squirm

he’s not doing it because you have done anything wrong

he’s doing it because he’s an abusive control freak

if anything, he is much more likely to be cheating on you . Sorry.

I’ve just seen your updates about going to Pakistan with him in April. You need legal advice before you do this.

DONT confront him about the air tag and DONT breathe a word about seeing a solicitor. pay in cash if you don’t have your own bank account.

Exactly how is it for safety?

It's not about having a guilty conscience, it's about having a controlling, abusive, potentially dangerous partner.

OP I am genuinely concerned for you and your children.

This man is not a good man and he is potentially dangerous. You and your children are currently in a very vulnerable situation.

You need to report the tracker to the police, this may help you further down the line if you need evidence.

Don't alert him to anything just yet. Gather all of your important paperwork, get a cheap phone, move half of all money into an account in only your name.

Speak with Women's Aid, the police and a solicitor and get your children's passports somewhere safe.

Tell your friends and family and get some support to divorce this piece of shit.

DO NOT TAKE YOUR CHILDREN TO PAKISTAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Please.

Oh behave you know not everyone is on the same threads right? I don't think its ever ok to track someone like this.

And there's far easier options like family apps etc that ops DH could have brought up in conversation. Instead, the fucker has gone out and made a conscious decision to do this, and 'forgot' to, what, send op a quick message "hey what do you think of a tracker in your car"?

Absolute bollocks is this for safety reasons and I have to question how anyone suggesting this has the mental ability to even use a device to post said suggestion 🙄

@Faye2024 you really need to start your own thread. You'll get some lovely support but not if you post on someone else's thread

OP please report this to the Police, change the locks and start divorce proceedings. Never let him take the kids to Pakistan. This is dreadful

Sorry about this. I thought I posted it on the site, it’s my first post here on the site. Apologies

Post it to one of us, then we can forward it to anothe4 person , then another! Anyone on here travel for a job? Taxi driver, lorry driver? Anyone going to anywhere obscure soon, like Outer Mongolia?

Will this idiocy never end?

Please read the thread and have some concern for another woman's safety.

@Faye2024 if you press 'report' on your post you can ask Mumsnet to delete it. Then you can start a thread - Chat, or the relevant local section are probably the best locations.

I would be so tempted to mess with him, maybe send it on a trip with a friend, or a friendly taxi driver, or go hang out at the hospital or police station. Or post it somewhere. Or a visit to a solicitor. The possibilities are endless.

Aaaannnnnddd another one….

Im astounded. That’s at least 50 of them

This is the Home Office guidance on controlling and coercive behaviour.

Your immediate situation is called 'technology-facilitated abuse' (relevant page attached below).

His behaviour is abuse.

It's a big beast but please do read the relevant pages.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-statutory-guidance-framework

Are you SURE it was your husband who put it there though?
My friend's daughter had an air tag put in her car, she presumed it was her dad who'd done it so went ballistic! But it was actually someone in a supermarket car park. They put a tracker on it then steal it later on and use it as a "getaway" car. Her car was a fairly old small hatchback, so nothing worth stealing unless it was going to be used and then dumped.