Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

I wonder if it is by the spare tyre. Once you have found it, chuck it off a bridge and turn your phone off for a while. This isn't normal and shows you he doesn't trust you.

😣

I agree with taking the car to a garage and asking them to help you find it. Good luck, OP.

But Oceania108 that would he lied when he told her he was getting them for luggage, forgot to tell her when he put it in and decided to put it in HER car rather than his. What about that is fine?

And waiting til he's home would be better because.....?

I hadn't realised the OP had other threads when I said don't go to Pakistan with the kids. That sounds worrying. I can't AS because I'm on the croc o' shit app.

To be honest OP, I would not worry about finding the tag: you know that it is there, you do have, as my mum would say, much bigger fish to fry.

I would take the time to think.

Is this really what you envisaged a loving relationship would be like? Does your partner make you feel loved, cared about and a priority by his behaviour? If you said to your partner that you are unhappy, how would he respond? Would he want to understand why? Would he want to try and make things better for you somehow? Or would shrug it off, maybe even try and blame you for not being a good partner to him? Would he ignore that you're unhappy, because the ways things are suit him?

I know that if I were in your position: I would be incredibly sad and I would be looking to leave this relationship. It may need to be along term plan. Because it is clear that this man doesn't care you. Words are easy look at his actions You're very useful to him, but love doesn't look like what you have described here and in your earlier threads.

Please think. Be careful. Look after yourself and your children as best you can given the circumstances.

Take the time to make safe decisions so that you and your children can escape this relationship.

You deserve better than this.

I didn’t know that! Blimey, it’s good info to have, thank you.

Can you appreciate now why your suggestion (and others similar) could put her at risk?

I think that actually all phones can tell if an AirTag is with you, and the same for the tags made by other brands. It’s one good thing these companies have done.

Not really. What's your suggestion? What action should she take once he's back in her home that is more dangerous whilst he's away? The only way she's not in danger is to do nothing. Is that what your suggesting?

Genuinely. I'd take it to a garage and have them find it. You can stand there and chirp it whilst they do. If it is properly hidden, this is a massive breach of trust and I'm sorry. Has he previously had any issues with trusting you, or told you he doesn't? When are you all supposed to be going to the wedding abroad? Given that you are planning to travel to a country which isn't part of the haugue convention, with your children, that's the bit I would be reconsidering now.

My suggestion is not to wind up a potentially dangerous man who is stalking his wife. And if you can’t see that, that’s worrying and shows how little awareness you have.

So, do nothing then. Got it.

The only realistic suggestion (imo) would be for the OP to use this knowledge to gather passports, finances and other info, to get some legal advice and keep her cards close to her chest whilst she figures out her next move. Ideally this is in a world where she realises the current set up described on this and her other threads aren't healthy.

There's a much bigger picture than confronting him about the tracker.

Did I say that? But your suggestion puts a woman at risk of assault. Well done.

Wow you really are stupid arent you?

There is a MASSIVE difference between "do nothing" and "Take a great big stick and poke the sleeping bear". Watchful waiting whilst she's accessing help and money is not "doing nothing".

Well, I've asked you twice what she should do, but you've failed to answer.

So, what should she do then? Using your example, how is she going to be able to access money any easier when he's home than when he's away?

That’s genius.

And its happened again.....

someone has a genuinely worrying and traumatic situation to deal with and some MNers treat it like their own personal soap opera and expect resolution straight away.

I have seen threads where an OP has been asked, less than two hours later, why she hasnt left yet. As if these things can be dealt with like that!

I mean he's left her for three weeks with a newborn and other children to go to a family wedding. He's not winning father/ husband if the year!

Are you sure he’s not put it in the car in case it gets nicked? Or has it dropped out of his case? Don’t go to the worse conclusions.

Sometimes when a partner is up to no good/ planning on cheating or already cheating on thryr partner - try become suspicious of the other party. Sort of transferred guilt.

If your dh doesn’t normally have trust issues I would assume he’s put it in there as a tracker for the car, even if it isn’t one that is prime to be stolen. Bit odd that he hasn’t mentioned it but I wouldn’t automatically jump to sinister conclusions if there is generally nothing wrong in your marriage.