Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

You genuinely can’t see why she might be at risk if he thinks she has been somewhere he thinks she shouldn’t be? Can you really not see that it put her at high risk of assault at the very minimum?

Yes she needs to do the mumsnet thing of “getting her ducks in a row” but not by provoking a potentially violent partner because strangers on mumsnet think it would be amusing.

Come on, you know it’s a silly suggestion for the OP to do daft things with the tracker.

But @Garlicnaan, the OP didn't know that her h was doing this! It's deeply creepy and disturbing to do that without discussing it first.

It's not comparable to a couple agreeing to track each other 🙄

Trackers on phones is vastly different - you both agree to it, for a start!

This is very carefully hidden in the OP’s car.

And the OP is in a controlling relationship.

Don't know what your work or childcare commitments are but can you just out of the blue take a major random roadtrip? If you are down south, head up to the Scottish Highlands, if you are in Wales head over to East Anglia? That would freak him out and rightly so.

How to say "I have no idea what I am talking about" without saying that you have no idea what you are talking about.

Do you really think that in less than three weeks the OP can go from emotionally beaten down by her bitch MIL and controlling "husband" to being ready to move out, change her kids schools and flee? Thats not even taking into account that her baby is three months old and she had a very bad traumatic birth that she didnt have a chance to recover from....again thanks to MIL.

You have no idea whether the OP has access to money (just because he has doesnt mean that she has), that she has somewhere she can go that can house them all.....so many variables, not least the OP accepting that she is a victim of Domestic Abuse, something that many of us struggled with at first.

She was getting over the MIL visit when he buggered off and was probably actually looking forward to some peace and quiet when she found this and it has understandably thrown her right off. Give her a chance! She may have no choice but to wait until he is home if she has no money of her own.

Keep looking you'll find it. You know were it is, start pulling at panels, anything. You cant spend the next few weeks being tracked. I'm creeped out just thinking about it.

Can you take the car to a garage and ask them to retrieve it for you? They might know their way around the layers of boot. Sorry to read you are home alone coping with a newborn. That is not fair. xxx

I would ask a local garage if they can find it - they’ll know how/where it could be hidden. I’d then take it to a police station and leave it hidden there so that when he tracks you, that’s what he sees.

or once they locate it for you, take the battery out, remove the tag and say nothing.

alternatively you could text him and say you are scared because someone is stalking you and you are goign to go to the police station to report the stalker. You could add that you wonder if the stalker is someone you know, someone who knows your husband has gone away.

Take it to the garage tomorrow and explain. I'm pretty sure they'll find it for you and probably take it off your hands too for fun.

If and when you do find it, take a photo of where it was located but don't tell your husband. Keep your powder dry.

Is the beeping definitely inside the car, it's not on the bumper or the wheel arch? (I don't know how loud the tags beep is!)

Could it have fallen out of suitcase and fallen down a crack and got stuck?

@Dotchange
I would ask the police for help finding it, get it recorded with them.
No- don’t waste police time.

What a stupid thing to say to someone who could well be a victim of coercive control, financial abuse, and is conceivably at risk of further domestic abuse upon his return or having their children taken overseas without consent. This man is clearly not a good 'un.

OP, also think of something it could be inside, e.g. something like a first aid kit that might be in the boot.

When he went to check where all his airtagged things are he would notice that one is not with him. He'd then watch its movements and figure out what happened. In a normal healthy relationship, he'd then contact the OP to let her know.

post it to another country

Getting a garage to look and take a photo of where it is, before removing it or not (your choice - you can still put it back in an accessible part of the car) is a good idea OP. Again, don't get them to send the photo to your phone, get them to send it to a more secure email address, a friend's number, or print it out for you.

If you don't want your husband to be suspicious, as he will know you have driven there, ask the garage to check it for a banging noise, pulling to the left, problem with headlight, or even to change a tyre for a slow puncture and ask them to note that this is what there was even if there wasn't (if you have enough money to go to that level of fakery; I would if I could). You could even park it up somewhere earlier in the day so it looks like you have developed a problem. Don't go to your usual garage.

Very true! in my defence I had surgery today! Ducks in a row time

We have AirTags on a few things because we’re useless and always losing keys and wallets. Because my husband buys them on his account he actually has to go into my phone, open an app and pair it with my phone for me to be able to track it. I’m just wondering, because if it’s been paired with your phone, whether maybe it was intentional and he forgot to tell you? I’m not that techy but I suspect that has to happen else we’d be sensing other people’s AirTags all the time?

Just ask yes there could be a sinister reason
but also there a cheap tracker incase your car gets nicked

It's not paired with her phone. All iPhones will tell you if there's an airtag following you. For exactly this reason - to alert you to the fact someone might be stalking you.

I think it should be fine. Don't worry.
May be he is worried about someone stealing the car and he forgot to tell you about that equipment in the car. May be he was in a hurry !

Stay positive!💫

Dump it at a Travelodge. Or an STD clinic.

@ZeeB68

Wow. I'm utterly outraged on your behalf! The fact that he's fucked off on a 3wk non-essential jolly & left you with 3 kids, rubbing your nose in it with photos etc & tracking your every move?! WTF??!!

I'd have to seriously consider my future with this selfish prick.