Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

Alls he says is he didn't have a choice, its his brothers wedding, this is just the legal part of it though so i dont see it as something he had no choice with as they are doing a huge wedding party abroad in April which we've already paid 2 and a half thousand for tickets, plus we need a lot of spending money. My husband is Pakistani and with all of us travelling there in April, 4 days of wedding functions and outfits to buy for each day and spending money it's going to be close to around 8-10k but he has been so quick to spend another £900 for a flight ticket for himself to go now and take 2 and a half grand spending money for something he says he has "no choice for"

I wasn't happy about it, he literally asked me " if you dont want me to go I wont" I told him I didn't want him to go with our newborn being so little and I got upset and was crying but he went ahead and booked his ticket anyway!! So him saying if you dont want me to go I won't was all nonsense.

I'm trying not to be selfish, but it's the legal side of his brothers wedding not the actual wedding party which we are all going for in April, I don't think he needed to be there and he could have thought about me struggling at home with the kids and new baby.

Even after all of this him leaving me at home I find out he's planted a tracking device in my car for whatever reason, I've spoke to him today he's still acting normal and calm so he has no ontention of telling me he's put something there

Since your now at the stage of an obviously hidden tracker you’ve got two options.

You gather your paperwork. You gather your passports. You get all your ducks. Then police.

or you let this man and his family continue to manipulate and abusive and coercive.

You’ve got three weeks away from all of them. I’d use this time to get everything I need to break free and protect myself and my children.

The problem is, if a guy is selfish enough to leave his wife and three kids, one of which is 13 weeks, for 3 weeks and twisted enough to illegally track her then these "teach him a lesson" ideas (funny as they sound) just validate his suspicions and put her at risk.

OP, you need to start thinking about what you are willing to accept and what you want to do next.

I wonder if he's suspicious?

Air Tags are suggested when a suspicious wife posts.

Is it in the spare wheel compartment?

My ExH put a tracker in my car. He gave himself away by asking odd questions - e.g, I was going to the shops but parked up for half an hour to phone a friend first, and got a message asking me how the traffic was in 'XYZ town'.

When I found it I was livid and quite frightened. He justified it by saying he was concerned that I had been under a lot of strain and he wanted to quietly make sure I was safe without upsetting me further!

He pretended to be other people on social media sites to try and trick me into saying things too.

Long story, but the words 'ExH' may give a clue to the ending.

No real advice, apart from remaining calm and logical.

This is great.

@ZeeZeeB68 please change the WiFi password in your home
This will be the quickest way to stop any cameras or listening devices from working

Especially if you have a baby monitor or "ring" type doorbell or security lights

You can hear what is said outside with these as well as watch - we have them

I asked a question about Alexa earlier and it was confirmed by a PP they can listen and sometimes watch what is happening around them

Please unplug them all and change WiFi password or just switch off WiFi

Go to a supermarket tomorrow and buy a cheap phone and new SIM card with cash

We all know he's put it there deliberately. Is there a spare wheel in your boot OP? I bet it's in there.

I'm sorry your relationship doesn't sound good at all. He sounds like a very selfish man and this is very suspect behaviour. I think it would be worth getting advice from a family lawyer about your options. Arm yourself with information, you don't need to do anything rash just now.

Suspicious of what? I've been left at home with his 3 kids, one who is a newborn who I have with me all day long and night what can I exactly be doing and getting up too? I've done nothing wrong either which is why I'm so confused as to why my husband has put a tracker in my car

Could it be in the spare wheel/jack kit? Or also some cars have panels at the side that can be removed for further storage, could be in there?

take it out of the car, post it somewhere a long way away.

Only a complete moron would suggest an AirTag in those circumstances.

He might not necessarily be cheating & therefore suspicious of Op.

Could be that on happening to buy the airtags for his bags a "bonus" was that he could also track Op.

Didn’t have a choice my arse! Isn’t the wedding party far more important? I don’t think he needed to go to the legal part. I’d say buy yourself whatever you like! Not helpful, I know, when he’s chucking away money like it’s of no consequence.

Will you try to find the tag and remove it?

I wonder if he has not hidden it in the boot but under the car and in the area where the boot is? Please, OP, get yourself to safety.

I'd ring him in a panic, saying that someone has put a tag on your car, you have called the police and they are on the way now.

We have a tag in our car, but its in case something happens to the car, not to see where we are, and we are both aware of it and agreed to have it in there.

I would also report it to the police because I bet when you sit down and tell them about him more will come out. Normal nice people don't track people and not tell them.

Maybe he's worried you will leave him. Which I'd certainly be thinking strongly about doing with him behaving so disgustingly selfishly. Even if he 'had' to go could he not have gone for 3 or 4 days instead of 3 weeks? Honestly OP this isn't good enough. You know that. Do you have family you could go and stay with to help you?

If your boot has two layers, do you mean the boot and then the underneath where the tools and bits are kept?

I'm thinking if it's like my Nissan, you have to pull up the 'carpet' to get to the air compressor etc. if you have that, have you pulled out the compressor, checked in the box. Look under the tyre slime unless it has a spare tyre.

Could he just have put it there in case the car is stolen? Lots of people have trackers on their cars for this reason.

Even if nothing else comes of it, use these three weeks to gather all of the information on your finances and as much of his info as possible (pension, debts, etc). Send that info to a trusted friend to hold for you. Something is not right here.

Yes. This is the best advice, especially given @GreyBlackLove's post as well.

This doesn't bode well.

You would have to be very gullible to have total trust in someone despite finding a tracker in your car. How would it end up there accidentally and don't you think the timing rather coincidental anyway?

”Lots of people” know it’s there. And that’s fine and their choice to do that. The OP didn’t have that choice. . It’s her car, in no way is it acceptable to do what he has done.