To be annoyed at partner for being tight with money

[lavenderlover01]

So my partner and I had a baby 9 weeks ago and we have our own places, the plan was to purchase a place together (which I am doubting now).

Since the baby he has spent every night at mine.
I received gas and electricity bill today for £200 for a MONTH!

Usually I only pay £51 as I live in a 2 bed apartment.

I asked him for half the money and basically he is saying he shouldnt have to pay half.
He will have lights on in the day, forget to turn lights off.
He will also put the heating on and use the gas to heat the water up so he can have showers.

He will go out and do the grocery shopping and I will always pay him half otherwise he will just be on my case and last month he got really nasty shouting "wheres my money?".

He has not worked since November to help but his own choice and somehow I get the blame and he is bitter at me for losing him three months money.

He has a lot more money and savings then me and yet all he does is complain about money and I give him half on everything for our child.

I have now asked him to start staying at his own place as no way can I afford to be paying £200 a month on electric and gas.

I am really annoyed and to be honest I am sick of him constantly being in my personal space.

I have told him this and he has said he is not going as he wants to be with our child every day, I just dont know what to do.

Thats a very rude comment. Relationships completely change when you have a baby with someone, can be a good change or a bad change, I dont think many mothers have babies with morons in purpose, alot of men show their true colours after a baby comes along and youre sort of trapped. Its not as easy as give the baby your surname and tell him to do 1! Hows that fair on the child? He might be a wonderful dad but a terrible partner! Telling someone to leave and them not granting your wishes is suffocating, i feel so sorry for you this really is a hard situation to be in and i hope he has a serious wake up call. Maybe see if he can stay at his over night as a first step after baby has gone to bed and he can come back 12-1 the next day... xxx

You had a baby with this loser?! Kick him out.

OP, I have been stuck with a financially abusive partner after having a baby. In my case, I was married to him, so you're in a better position than I was. And make no mistake, he IS being financially abusive and is taking from you and your child to suit himself.

Despite what so many people in here are saying it IS difficult to break up with them, because it also means you're giving up on your plans and dreams of what you thought it would be.

But the reality is, that future you imagined won't be happening anyway. It took me until my child was a fair bit older before I realised that. Please don't make my mistake.

Get him out, with help from the police if need be, and claim your life back. Your child doesn't need to grow up thinking the way dad is acting is the norm. They need better role models in their life and that starts with you. Once you take that step it DOES get better - even just not having them to also run around after helps make it better.

Do break up with him and raise your child better. It's tough being a single parent but it's a darn sight easier than feeling like you're a parent to a grown up man baby too.

You got this.

Change the locks and apply for maintenance and keep a diary.

Honestly if these are his true colours maybe getting a place together isn't what you want luckily you have your own place and if you want him gone and have asked him to leave then he's trespassing where's he's not wanted and has no legal right to stay you have a child together yes but he can see your child daily in a prearranged agreement he's got it cushty your paying for everything and he's dictating in your home what you should and shouldn't do ..... just because you have a child together doesn't mean you have to put up with his BS

IF he won't leave, call the police.

Your relationship is doomed with his attitude and treatment of you.

He doesn’t get to say he won’t leave. It’s not his flat. His being abusive op. You really need to get him out.

Is he paying you maintenance for your child ?
i am
actupay so glad for you that you have your own place . He’s a cocklodger isn’t he !

Simply tell him if he doesn’t go the police will be called

So OP pays her share the dads share and the babies . Are you serious ????
He should happily pay half its also half his child .

I’ve not got much advice but commenting as I’m in a similar boat. My DP has stayed at mine other than two nights for more than a year & my DD is nearly 4 months old.

he has his own flat that he can’t sell for the next year or so, and had a lodger previously but the flat was absolutely mingling & when the lodger moved out (the week I had DD) there was a significant amount of work needing done before DP can let out the property. He doesn’t have savings so has had to buy items on credit & do the work to the flat himself.

He has paid me £500 in the last year towards living in my flat. I have spent £280 of that on stuff for his flat returb. He will pay for shopping every second time he is at the super market with me, but not for all the times I am there without him. I have paid for DD’s sensory & swimming classes.

I had said when I was on maternity I should do all the home & childcare stuff since I’m not working, but hadn’t imagined I would be doing all the housework, all the childcare, paying for all activities & almost all shopping in top of all the household bills.

it is different to you as he is talking about the income from his flat being our family income when it is let… but I’m now on statutory maternity pay & quickly eating into the small savings I managed to save when pregnant.

I literally don’t have enough money to pay for all our food, everything DD needs, my mortgage, and all (much higher) utilities… but don’t know how to fix my situation. DP & I get on very well & I do not want him to move out.

sorry, not very helpful insight into my life!

My god. How do women end up having children with such awful, shit men??

Because the OP, like some others, obviously just wants to moan about him.

Well he has to go, it’s not his home. I’d seriously be questioning my future with him as I was someone fairly right, but he seems almost generous compared to this guy. He needs to get back to work too, most fathers take 2/3 weeks tops

You've forgotten the last bit - where she disappears and then re-emerges weeks/months later, asking the same thing.

Oh enough, you know he is bloody useless. He won't get any better in fact will get much worse. Get rid or sign up for a life of hell.

Hi, just try to find the way to stay together, for good, you have child think about, together you can make decision and support together, money is nothing, but family is something, bless you all,

It looks as though he thinks your baby is his meal ticket. I wouldn’t let him stay at yours.

I know

I really don’t understand why women have children with awful men like this.

And the winner of 'worst advice of the day' is...

Just get rid of the useless waste of space. He has no right to be there so he can go. And don't even consider getting further entangled by purchasing a place with him which will give him the opportunity to screw you over some more.

I appreciate you may be complaining about him to let off steam, but really there is no point as he is not a 'partner', he is just no good. He has shown his true colours now so don't waste energy on him, prioritise yourself and your little one.

I think some of these responses are really extreme. I would take some of your space back and try and work on the issues, discussing boundaries and expectations before even looking at moving in together. I do think having such a young baby and being both tired as new parents etc and this new living arrangement is probably causing a lot of stress and perhaps he might be being unreasonable at times due to this? I would step back the relationship with him, be honest and try and work on things. If of course you want to 👍👍👍.

Ps there's no two bed home in the country that costs less than £200 at the moment in energy (£51 will be a summer bill). It's freezing at the mo and you have a new born...your heating will be on a lot 👍. But your right he should be contributing significantly if he is practically living there 👍👍

Why isn't he working to support you and the baby and to finance the flat refurb?

You need to get the message home to him that you are in serious financial trouble and he needs to step up. Can you get it all down on paper (the amount you are spending each week compared to him; versus the income and savings - so he can see the exact date when you are going to default on your mortgage and lose your home?) You need to step up the pressure on him to act.

Get him out and enjoy your baby.

He sounds wonderful...Get rid of him.