To be annoyed at partner for being tight with money

[lavenderlover01]

So my partner and I had a baby 9 weeks ago and we have our own places, the plan was to purchase a place together (which I am doubting now).

Since the baby he has spent every night at mine.
I received gas and electricity bill today for £200 for a MONTH!

Usually I only pay £51 as I live in a 2 bed apartment.

I asked him for half the money and basically he is saying he shouldnt have to pay half.
He will have lights on in the day, forget to turn lights off.
He will also put the heating on and use the gas to heat the water up so he can have showers.

He will go out and do the grocery shopping and I will always pay him half otherwise he will just be on my case and last month he got really nasty shouting "wheres my money?".

He has not worked since November to help but his own choice and somehow I get the blame and he is bitter at me for losing him three months money.

He has a lot more money and savings then me and yet all he does is complain about money and I give him half on everything for our child.

I have now asked him to start staying at his own place as no way can I afford to be paying £200 a month on electric and gas.

I am really annoyed and to be honest I am sick of him constantly being in my personal space.

I have told him this and he has said he is not going as he wants to be with our child every day, I just dont know what to do.

Worst advice ever. Did you actually read all of the things the OP said about him?

WTAF

For goodness sake op, grow the fuck up. He's a cocklodger leeching off you and your child. Kick. Him. Out.

The only thing I would say is that you may misunderstanding how much of that extra usage is baby related. My best friend had her baby Dec 2022 and she was absolutely gobsmacked by how much her gas & electric bills went up by post-baby until you sit and think about it. Pre-baby she would quite happily have just put layers on rather than the heating when it’s cold whereas with a newborn in the house the heating has to be on for them. Prep machine or kettle for bottles constantly when newborn, washing load on every day or 2 days when previously she would only have done a wash once or twice a week, baths for baby every few days, white noise machine on all night for baby, moving baby bouncer plugged in and on, TV on more than normal because pre-baby she would have been out at work 10 hours a day and with a newborn baby suddenly majority of the time was in the house. Lights & heating are on much more by default of being in the house more (when usually would have been out 10 hours a day at work). You might be surprised to see that actually your bill just is around £100-150 a month because of those things.

If he genuinely does also have his own place which he pays for then I wouldn’t ask him for 50% of the bill but I would want some contribution towards it.

@vivainsomnia you haven't a clue, have you?

Btw, it's "tit for tat," not "tic for tac".

I'm sure he wasn't so bad when OP decided to have a baby with him and discussed buying a house together.

It's easy to write a post with how horrible partners suddenly become when under pressure and sleep deprived.

If he really is such a horrible man, why making plans about buying a house together.

He may have falsely implied he had megabucks to contribute, when what he actually meant was it was all for himself and the baby wouldn’t be getting much of a look in either.

Bloody hell what energy company are you with, we live in a very small house with 2 bedrooms and a box room (not a bedroom as only 5ft by 5.5ft) and we pay £389 a month (G&E). Yes he needs to be paying his way but with a baby your utility bill is going to likely double anyway especially if not breastfed.

Tell him to leave. Call the police and ask them to remove him if he refuses. Tell him you need you’re own space and won’t accommodate a cocklodger who won’t pull his weight financially or with home upkeep

a cocklodger is a cocklodger regardless of sleep deprivation. No amount of sleep deprivation changes the fact he’s not pulling his weight financially or practically in the house

You ask him to leave and he wont go? Do you have a relative or friend who can explain it clearly and help him exit? Things will only get worse with a person like that. It's your home not his!

Get rid of him and stay on your own with your baby, he's a ponce and abusive too.

A lot of men change a lot once a child is in the picture, they think you won't leave them.
Tell him again to leave and pack his bags. If he won't call the police. X

I have asked him to take all his laundry back to his as I will only be doing mine and baby’s washing

Good. It is a real bug bear of mine that so many men assume that the woman has to take over doing his washing the moment they move in together. And that so many women do. I have not washed a thing of DH’s since we got together twenty years ago and he has never expected it either.

No. Its a full sentence.

Start being clear - I’m only washing every second day to keep the electricity costs down. Please turn off lights to keep the costs down. Sorry no hot water in the day, I’m keeping the costs down. Sorry I can’t wash your clothes as I am trying to keep the costs down, especially as you don’t want tp
contribute.

If he said he wants to stay to be with his child then you’ll have to say - I can’t afford to do your laundry as I’m not working, if you want to do laundry you’ll have to contribute.

Change the locks

Get legal advice, I think this relationship is doomed !

A child arrangements order will be necessary to determine access to the child unless you can agree an arrangement together (doubtful going by his attitude)

He has no claim on your home whatsoever or right to stay there from the information you have given but like I say obtain legal advice would be my recommendation

Please just think about yourself and your child now. Tell him to go away and live in in his own place. You will be responsible for your bills and the law will sort out what he should pay you as a matter of child support.

I hope this isn't true. What are his redeeming qualities? Presumably you chose to have a baby with him. Basically you aren't being unreasonable at all but you will be if you stay with him. Have you any family support? If not call the police.

Great response 👏🏼 @Strokethefurrywall

Yeah - her and a zillion others 🙄

Get rid! I had a guy like this. Wouldn't help with his son, wouldn't pay. Complained and criticised everything. Let him stay for too long, supported us both while on mat leave and he was telling people I wasn't "letting him work" once I returned to work! Do it now before your time with your baby is marred by any more of his nastiness or shouting "where is my money".

This is a perfect example of how these threads go. A woman comes on and says her partner is behaving in a completely unacceptable way. She gives details and it's awful. Every single person comes on to say that she should dump him. Her next post is to say more things about her awfully is but she is clearly not going to dump him. Why do women give men like that so many chances?

The bills will go up because of the baby as well.
I’d have a chat with him and lay down what needs to be paid and discuss it like adults.
If after that he still doesn’t pay his way then you’ve done what you can.
If he’s not working he should be doing the laundry esp if you are looking after a newborn or is he very hands on with the baby?
Both of you constantly being in the same space daily must be suffocating too esp if he was used to having a job. Maybe he wants to be a stay at home dad and wants to be more involved with the baby. Some dads don’t want to work when the baby is young. It’s not always the mum that has to be a stay at home parent? If it’s only you looking after the baby, cooking, cleaning whilst he lays about then yes that’s not right but discuss it and give him an ultimatum as it’s also his baby too and he might change to be able to be in your child’s life.