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Original poster

To be annoyed at partner for being tight with money

128 replies

lavenderlover01 · 17/01/2024 14:08

So my partner and I had a baby 9 weeks ago and we have our own places, the plan was to purchase a place together (which I am doubting now).

Since the baby he has spent every night at mine.
I received gas and electricity bill today for £200 for a MONTH!

Usually I only pay £51 as I live in a 2 bed apartment.

I asked him for half the money and basically he is saying he shouldnt have to pay half.
He will have lights on in the day, forget to turn lights off.
He will also put the heating on and use the gas to heat the water up so he can have showers.

He will go out and do the grocery shopping and I will always pay him half otherwise he will just be on my case and last month he got really nasty shouting "wheres my money?".

He has not worked since November to help but his own choice and somehow I get the blame and he is bitter at me for losing him three months money.

He has a lot more money and savings then me and yet all he does is complain about money and I give him half on everything for our child.

I have now asked him to start staying at his own place as no way can I afford to be paying £200 a month on electric and gas.

I am really annoyed and to be honest I am sick of him constantly being in my personal space.

I have told him this and he has said he is not going as he wants to be with our child every day, I just dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Supernova23 · 17/01/2024 14:57

And this is exactly why I am planning on being a single parent. Men like this. Get rid of him. What on earth?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 17/01/2024 14:59

This is about far more than money.

It's about his lack of overall respect and contribution to the family.

He doesn't earn anything.
Does appear to contribute anything else either in terms of support.
Tells you what to do, blames you for everything and has no respect for you either.

Are you sure this is a man you want to raise a family with? Check out your child benefits, CMP entitlements and talk to your support network? It might be best to go it alone.

PinkArt · 17/01/2024 15:03
  • I asked him for half the money and basically he is saying he shouldnt have to pay half.
  • last month he got really nasty shouting "wheres my money?".
  • He has not worked since November to help but his own choice and somehow I get the blame and he is bitter at me for losing him three months money.
  • He has a lot more money and savings then me and yet all he does is complain about money and I give him half on everything for our child.
  • he has said he is not going
  • He even expects me to wash all his clothes
  • He will moan at me for not washing the baby's clothes daily
  • I am just so fed up of him.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Just look at that highlights list. Tell him he is leaving today and if he says he won't, call the police and they will stay with you until he does. No 'next time', get this one in the bin today!
lollydu · 17/01/2024 15:04

Leave him or you will have a lifetime of this. He will never change.

Alwaysalwayscold · 17/01/2024 15:11

Thank god that you discovered his ways BEFORE you moved in with him.

ShennyInfinity · 17/01/2024 15:18

Wowser @lavenderlover01 there is an upside to this, you've seen him for what he really is a super asshole before you went ahead a bought a house together, please take everyone's advice and kick him out, if he refuses a phone call to the police is in order and I would also put your surname on the baby's birth certificate, this isn't going to get better, he's got his fee under the table and now showing his true colours, I wouldn't want any child of mine to have a father like that.

hanschristmassolo · 17/01/2024 15:20

This is a prime example of why you shouldn't bring a child into the world with someone you barely know - and you barely know him because you've never actually lived together

Haydenn · 17/01/2024 15:21

Split up with him and put in a CMS request. He sounds like a prick

Frasers · 17/01/2024 15:25

Rhe man’s on the take. I don’t understand how he can even look himself in the mirror. Knowing he’s only there so he can get you to pay for him.

get him gone. Sit him down tonight and tell him you want him to go back to his own place, you refuse to pay for him any more. If he wants to stay then he pays half the bills. And I mean half of everything bar rent or mortgage.

has he even still got his place?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 17/01/2024 15:27

He's blatantly using you
He knows you are a soft touch and he uses the baby as leverage to stay
Nothing will change unless you change it
Tell him to take his dirty laundry and go back to his own place
If he won't leave or causes a problem ring the police who will remove him.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/01/2024 15:30

@lavenderlover01

I have told him this and he has said he is not going as he wants to be with our child every day, I just dont know what to do.

So he says he's not going, eh? He's not leaving YOUR place, a place that's in YOUR SOLE name. Right. You do realize that he has no legal right to be there and you can make him leave at any time, or have the police remove him if he won't go on his own.

He's cocklodging. He may have his own flat (if he hasn't given it up) but at the very least he's a 'service cocklodger'. That's one who is there to receive 'services' like meals prepared, cleaning up after, laundry done, sex, and yes the benefit of lower utility bills at his own place. All for nothing. And you're thinking of actually living with this loser at some point? Think again, sweetheart, think again HARD.

Doing it all whilst watching someone who should be carrying their own weight just sitting on their arse is a heavy, heavy emotional burden. Add to that the burden of them not contributing financially. Getting rid of those burdens frees up emotional and physical energy to do it on your own as well has making your life affordable.

So what is holding you back? If you're afraid of violence, say nothing to him and call the police and ask them to remove him. If you're afraid of 'losing him', FGS why? What is he adding to your life? I don't mean 'helping with the baby', if he's even doing that. I mean what is what is he adding to your overall happiness and good life quality for the long run.

notmorezoom · 17/01/2024 15:30

Why did you have a baby with this man? I do despair of the low standards some women will accept.

Sort out your contraception, or better yet get rid of him - he brings nothing to the table and will just be like having another child, an expensive one.

stomachameleon · 17/01/2024 15:32

How are you surviving? Are you on maternity? Remember if you are claiming he should not be there all the time (sorry if I am being presumptuous)
He needs to commit and move in and sort out visitation. He is having his cake and eating it.

JadziaD · 17/01/2024 15:32

Oh OP, this is actually really sad. You don't seem to realise how very very bad this is.

Kick him out - he is not officially living there but he's racking up bills and you are at risk of losing your single person council tax discount (I think the council would be perfectly entitled to assume he's living there as he's the father of your baby and is there 5 nights minimum a week).

Then start asking for child maintenance payments. Although I assume he will not pay anything as he'll claim he's not working.

Snowdogsmitten · 17/01/2024 16:34

He sounds like a horrible cunt. Get him out and do not live with him.

ManateeFair · 17/01/2024 16:40

I have told him this and he has said he is not going

He doesn't have a choice. It's not his house.

He's treating you like shit. Shouting at you and getting angry over the shopping bill? He's an absolute tool. Get rid of him. Absolutely do not buy a house with him and don't let him move in.

BMW6 · 17/01/2024 16:48

You've got yourself a Cocklodger OP.

He'll never change, don't kid yourself.

If you stay with him you'll be financially carrying him forever.

Don't be a mug.

biedrona · 17/01/2024 16:50

As previous poster say, why women are just about to give birth or just had a baby when they 'discover' this

WithACatLikeTread · 17/01/2024 16:57

biedrona · 17/01/2024 16:50

As previous poster say, why women are just about to give birth or just had a baby when they 'discover' this

Simply because pregnancy is when many men become abusive or start showing their true colours.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 17/01/2024 17:02

Why have you had a baby with this man? Why would you even consider buying a house together when he treats you like this?

Bananalanacake · 17/01/2024 17:04

Is he actually looking for a job.

crochetandshit · 17/01/2024 17:05

If he hasn't worked since November and says he won't leave your house, aren't you concerned he's actually given up his own place as he couldn't pay for it?

Sarvanga38 · 17/01/2024 17:07

Well, at least you know before you bought a house with him. Obviously don't do that. He'll be neither use nor ornament to you or your baby, you'll be better off telling him to sling his hook.

vivainsomnia · 17/01/2024 17:15

You've just had a baby. It sounds like he's given up or ended a job to help you. You're both stressed and worried about money.

It's really not the time to play tic for tac. You need to be grown up and start communicating like adults. Wait until you are both calm and agree to sit down. Put on the table all your income and costs and look at what's left. Shouldn't he be going back to work now?

Talk and put on paper what your finances would look like if you moved together.

You have a child together, it's the biggest commitment so start acting like parents, not kids going on about he said she said, he did, she did etc....

user1471538283 · 17/01/2024 17:21

He's moved in. I bet he hasn't got his own place anymore. If you haven't seen it maybe it was just a shared room or with his parents.

Get him out now! Every penny extra you are paying for a grown man is money off your child.

I promise you there is no future with him.