“The problem with children these days is that they need a bloody good hiding”

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Said by a relative in his 70s.

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up.

We have Autism and ADHD in our wider family. Older relatives don’t seem to be very tolerant of this and keep implying that the cause of this is too soft parenting.

A relative was having a debate with me the other day saying how parenting was much better in his day, police could hit you, teachers used to cane you etc and how there wasn’t the behaviour that we have these days.

He was very defensive when I told him that I’m very glad all that has been abolished.

“Yeah, but we didn’t have teenagers stabbing each other back then”

Hes one of a few people I’ve come across lately who is all for hitting children.

It seems to be were Autism and ADHD children are concerned that it seems to provoke people saying this

This is sadism masquerading as parenting advice.

I don't advocate corporal punishment, and I have an autistic dd myself but I do see a lot of issues with permissive parenting, things my DD's would not have got away with, disability isn't an excuse for bad behaviour. What you see in public is only a snapshot of people's lives so this isn't a single incidence, this is more a trend I've observed in the 25 years since having fine

There was loads of public behaviour issues back then - football hooliganism, racist attacks, people fighting in lumps at throwing out time, drunk driving, generational sexual abuse of children, people in positions of power abusing DC in their care and on and on. I really disagree that the perpetrators had a much better level of parenting!

I’d say to him that if he says it again I will kick his head in. Given he’s in favour of violence against vulnerable people he should be fine with it.

Agree with @Rangelife
problem is, these arguments never come to mind easily when in the moment!

You can have clear and firm boundaries without resorting to physical assault. Permissive parenting isn’t good for kids but neither is authoritarian. Boundaries can be kept calmly and kindly. (Although we are all human and it’s impossible to do this 100% of the time).

Research shows clear and consistent boundaries delivered in a warm and loving environment is the best. Easy to say. Harder to do!

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up.

No you aren't. You are noticing your relative said it, who's over 70?

I'm over 60, as are many of my friends & relatives, and not one of us thinks that. Get a grip and tell your relative thank goodness it's not that way anymore.

Yes. There's a lot of ageism going on here, OP. I don't know many people at all who believe in corporal punishment and actually, the people I have most recently heard advocate for it are in their 20's and 30's.

This is not an age thing, it's a your-specific-relative thing.

^ totally this^

This 100% ^^
I watched a documentary from the (I think 60s) called juvenile on YouTube. Kids being dragged up by damaged parents who were probably dragged up themselves. An upsetting look back in time.

My mother was far too fond of the wooden spoon when I was a kid but not so much my siblings. She still thinks that you 'spare the rod and spoil the child' but I have never and wuold never touch my own child. It is illegal in Ireland anyway thankfully.

I do not know anyone older who thinks this way. Many of us argued against corporal punishment with relatives who would now be in their nineties. It is that much older generation who supported corporal punishment.

It is true though that there are more issues now. I grew up in a very rough area. There were fights, especially between teenage lads. But stabbings were incredibly rare.

There still is surely.

I don't know anyone in their 60s or 70s that think children should be beaten... (I'm in my 30s if that's relevant)

I do think a lot of parents are far too soft (from what teacher friends/ relatives have told me) but your relative is going way too far!

Teenagers have been stabbing each other for years (not that that is a good thing...). Scuttlers. Teddy boys. Mods and rockers etc.
It's the same as old men. There's always been a core contingent of them who become "pub bores".
It's very easy to view the past with rose-tinted glasses. Yes, for sure, some things were almost certainly better in [pick whichever era you want]. Other things were almost certainly worse.
Ignore this relative; his comments are completely pointless and are shared purely to make him feel superior.

What I find odd is how people, like my MIL who is 67 openly admit and joke about physically assaulting their kids - she jokes that the wooden spoon was how she managed them and DH confirms they weren’t smacked once but beaten. Yet she would be horrified if I smacked my kids. I don’t get it. They’re not a different breed. I don’t understand why she doesn’t feel remorse with the benefit of hindsight. She still talks as though she had parenting sussed.

On paper her children have excelled in life but they’re all emotionally stunted and have dysfunctional relationships and struggle to form meaningful connections with people.

Sorry- I can't abide ageism.

Sadly I have older relatives of the same opinion 🤨

Boundaries is the new word for discipline. Teachers complain like mad about lazy parents who don’t set clear boundaries, and sadly they’ve got a point.

I think both permissive parenting and authoritarian parenting have equally damaging outcomes. I am watching a friend clearly cultivating a personality disorder in her son through permissive parenting, kicked out of multiple schools, police involved getting worse and worse but equally authoritarian parents can be malicious, cold and cruel which is very hard for children to recover from. There is a medium though. Boundaries, purpose, good relationships, fun etc.

Oh look ANOTHER ageism thread

Makes a change from the benefit bashing ones I suppose

I have 4 relatives over 60.

Only 1 in 4 of them would advocate corporal punishment.

The oldest (my 95 year old Gran) is rather proud of a letter my Grandad got whilst he was a teacher that gave him authorisation to use corporal punishment: she is proud of it because he never once used that authority.

Of the other 3, only one is 'for' it because he used it liberally with his own sons and is blind to the fact that the one he hit the most, 'deserved' it the least and it did nothing but harm all of them. I suppose he cannot face the fact that he actually just beat his young children for no real reason. Now that he relies on one of them for almost all his support, he cannot bring himself to acknowledge how little he deserves that help.

I wonder if the OP's relative is the same?

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up

Im 60. With older siblings. None of us were beaten. Nor did I beat my children. With all the issues out there nowadays you surely can't think the current generation of parents are any better? In any times/generations there are good and bad parents, thats it.

Its gone too far the other way nowadays, with arrogant parents thinking the world has to put up with their spoilt children. Its not the childrens' fault its the inept adults, who are setting their children up for a fall. Vast majority of parents and children are fine tho, but over-permissive wet lettuce parents are a bad influence all round. Your ageism has skewered your view.

I used to hear all this shit from my FIL. he used to hit my husband when he was a kid but doesn't seem to have helped (my husband is a functioning alcoholic with a violent past)

I have never and will never hit my DC. But I do agree that for SOME children ruling with fear seems to be the only way. Permissive parenting is rife, lazy bone idle parents who can’t get their own lives in order never mind a child’s. A child only has to turn their nose up at a food one time and “they’ve got sensory issues”. Parents who’s kids can do no wrong.

I 100% agree that all these problems were not around in your relatives day and it does beg the question, why now?