“The problem with children these days is that they need a bloody good hiding”

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Said by a relative in his 70s.

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up.

We have Autism and ADHD in our wider family. Older relatives don’t seem to be very tolerant of this and keep implying that the cause of this is too soft parenting.

A relative was having a debate with me the other day saying how parenting was much better in his day, police could hit you, teachers used to cane you etc and how there wasn’t the behaviour that we have these days.

He was very defensive when I told him that I’m very glad all that has been abolished.

“Yeah, but we didn’t have teenagers stabbing each other back then”

Hes one of a few people I’ve come across lately who is all for hitting children.

It seems to be were Autism and ADHD children are concerned that it seems to provoke people saying this

My father would use a phrase like this but wouldn't mean corporal punishment.

He would mean a proper serious telling off with real, unpleasant consequences. These days kids seem to get away with a lot of poor behaviour and what few boundaries are improved don't seem to really involve consequences they give a shit about.

Eg "he was messing around in the cafe so i took him straight home". (The kid was probably bored shitless in the cafe and quite happy to go home, and has now learned that if he's bored in a cafe, he can fuck about and will get to go home quicker).

I know loads of parents who never remove access to screens as a consequence for bad behaviour because basically it inconveniences the parent having to deal with the bored child.

I also know loads of parents who never use so much as a firm voice, or impose a consequence that makes a DC cry. Tbh if they are never bothered about the consequence, it's not been effective.

I wasn't raised like that and neither were my parents who are mid 60s.

I would never have hit my children and I'm the same age range, my mother wouldn't have either, but her father would have. This is several generations back thinking.

Mind you some people now won't even raise a voice to a naughty child which I do think is a step too far, they need to know you are annoyed at whatever naughty thing they have done. If the response is the same whether they are behaving well or badly they will never learn the difference.

I was punished by physical assault and yes I was put in my place and listened to what ever was said and was terrifiedto repeat the same mistake. But I have other issues low self esteem , various other things, not major thankfully but with the right support I might have flourished in life. I think it's all about balance, lots of love, consistency and fair and firm boundaries. Sometimes my kids don't listen and I find myself saying, the good old smack would of done the trick , bit it's really the worst one. Noone should hurt anyone.

“Yeah, but we didn’t have teenagers stabbing each other back then”

No, it was more getting slashed with cut-throat razors and things like that. Apparently that was better.

This business of knives isn't new anyway. When I was in my teens 30+ years ago there were plenty of them about, at least where I lived.

Any misbehaviour and you were immediately expelled. I had no say in it. I just did my 11 plus and that's where I went. I did experience being spat on when walking home by kids from the other school though. I'm not sure what point you are making really.
My point was that there was bad behaviour in school back then but most left at 15 so it was no longer considered school related.

"Authoritarian" is such a loaded word with so many connotations. But at the most basic level, parents and other adults such as teachers, police officers etc SHOULD be seen as a clear authority over children, and children should be taught to respect authority. There is nothing wrong with authority systems in and of themselves, and society can only function when we're obedient to all the various authorities that preside over us. I'm obedient to signs that say "no entry", or the hospital matron who tells me I'm not allowed in the nurse staff room, or the police officer who tells me I can't carry a knife on me. Authority can be used badly, of course, but that doesn't mean that on a basic level it's a bad thing. It's very, very important for a safe, harmonious and functional society. Not teaching children that disobedience to authority has consequences (and not always natural consequences, but enforced punishments) is doing them a massive disservice and setting them up to be anxious, chaotic failures.

Oh god, this is still here, MN haven't even edited out the first vitriolic sweeping unintelligent first ramblings ....I despair @Mumsnet I really do. I have tried to raise it with you.

Maybe people should preface any post on here with their ages. I know a LOT of young people who smack....oops, sorry. Tap.

61 here. Never hit a child in my life and I have 4 children and 3 grandchildren
Please don't generalise because someone in your family thinks this.

I'm 60, by the way. I was smacked once when I pushed my mother beyond endurance, and she was still apologising for it 40 years later. My father never smacked. I didn't smack my children.

The needing a good hiding thing…
My DM was in a shop with DSis and my autistic(selective mute) niece. Niece was about 5 and had a meltdown. Lying on the floor arms and legs going, screaming. DSis went to pay for her shopping, DM waited with DN. An elderly woman said to my mum “that child needs a good hard smack”. DM looked her dead in the eye and asked did she want a good hard smack!

This.

I'm 70, and would never, did never, smack, hit or otherwise physically abuse my children.
But I was caned, slapped and slippered at junior school. And I couldn't honestly say that it did me no harm, because it did.
So lay off with the casual ageism, thoughtless young idiot.

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up.

Right. So everyone over 60 was beaten by their parents. And shares their opinions on other peoples parenting freely. And has no empathy, ability to understand special needs, or has never advocated for things to be better for the generation that came after them?

FFS. Stupidest comment I have seen in a long time.

I’m very glad all that has been abolished.

Which happened because the older generations changed it. Change does not come from the young, it comes because older people change, adapt and accept that things move on.

What you propose is an absolute charter for the abuse of children.

i do not own my children. I’m not an “authority” over my children. Children are citizens, not possessions and as the most vulnerable in society require protection above all other considerations.

those who seek authority over others are people for the watching.

my own children are taught to challenge any person, child or adult, who tries to exert authority over them. Funnily enough they are well behaved and have zero issues in school or any other setting. They also know I have their back.

Yep my parents are in their 60s and 70s and would strongly disagree with hitting children. They would never hurt my child.

My 90 year old grandmother wouldn’t have either.

My very sweet 85 year old nana asked if I give my 1 year old a ‘good old spanking’ at Christmas. I explained that we prefer gentle parenting and I still remember being smacked as a child. She proceeded to recommend I start smacking my 1 and 3 year olds.

SOME of an older generation. You could have said that rather than the sweeping generalisation.

I am in my 50s, totally against physical punishment but also fed up with soppy, permissive parenting. Lack of boundaries and some firmness is not doing children any favours. Children need to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
.

The generation who spanked are now in their eighties and older.
Yes younger parents spanked, but parents still spank. There are always parents who will spank even if the wider world does not approve.

And I have seen people post about things that happened they saw as normal when they were a child and I was a young adult. Things that if I had known them I would have contacted social services. Some people are not very introspective and accept what happened in their childhood was normal when it was not.

There are abusive parents at any age. I'm in my 60s and my parents (if they were alive) would be in their 90s/100s. They never believed in physical punishment, though I believe my father, who was in boarding school in the 1930/40s, said that caning was not uncommon.
I'd say in the 60s and 70s, when I was a kid, smacking was frowned upon.
But a contemporary to me said her left arm was tied behind her back at school as she was left handed - bet those nuns also used a ruler.

This is a very interesting observation. I've wondered that too. Maybe life was generally calmer (fewer toys/TV only at certain times/had to sit still in church for an hour everySunday/had to visit Grandma's with nothing to do apart from colouring in and reading). This would be an interesting thread in its own right!

Exactly this! You've nailed it!