To think we need to find a way to infiltrate the dog cult?

[dogsdilemma]

I'll start by saying I favour cats but love all animals. I don't want a dog just now because I find them tying. Would date someone who had one because, contrary to what I'm about to say, I like them and it wouldn't be my responsibility.

But the obsession drives me nuts. It seems no one can own a dog in a normal way anymore. As in I have a dog, the dog is a pet not a person, dogs aren't god-like solve all creatures, it's fine if not everyone loves my dog as much as me - like I am with my cat.

Someone gets a puppy and I go to their house - all conversation is about the puppy and I'm expected to fuss like they've just given birth. I can't say 'ah I've actually come to catch up with my friend, not have endless chat about the puppy's sleep schedule and whether or not it shat in the house today' because their dogs are their babies, so I should treat them as such.

Instagram accounts for dogs - captions written like 'my mum took me for a walk today, I had so much fun'. Only mildly cringy but wtf? Are you a springer spaniel mother or Katie from uni?

I do an exercise class and the owner has a puppy. She brings him along so he's not home alone. At least 15 minutes of the session I've paid for is always taken up by the hive mind fussing the puppy. Everyone loves dogs so no one minds apparently - except I DO mind. If I say this though I'm gonna be the dick.

I'm OLD, and every other profile says 'must love dogs'. I do love them but don't want one, and if I say this it's like I've confessed to being Hitler in a past life. Cue messages trying to change my mind, as though not being obsessed with dogs is a moral failure. I love my cat but wouldn't rule out someone who doesn't feel the same?

The final nail in the coffin. I've been dating someone new. Had an absolute shitter of a week so far - nothing he can help with, not really serious, just work stuff. His response is 15 pictures of his dog being cute to cheer me up. He's just trying to be nice but I do not get it. I wouldn't expect pictures of my cat to cheer anyone up except, maybe, me. I'm being narky but I actually found it so so irritating and cannot even fake enthusiasm to reply. If I say 'awwww cute, thank you' he'll continue with this approach. If I say 'cute but why would your dog cheer me up ha' I'm gonna look like a knob.

I have no problem with others doing what they want to do but recently it is infiltrating everything. I know there are worse issues but ffs it's so annoying - what is this dog cult and how to we stop it? Can I tell this lovely man I'm dating that I actually have little interest in his dog?!?!?

I don’t think anyone ‘begrudges’ the love and affection one might feel for an animal but what I can’t support or believe is that this can be compared to the love of a child and that the loss of an infant is in some way relatable to that of a pet. Having suffered both I can fundamentally tell you that it’s not the same. It’s peak Mumsnet that the death of a dog trumps or is somehow relatable to that of a human being. It’s nothing about begrudging anything it’s just not comparable. End of.

When I peak into a pram and a shivering chihuahua stares back, I could heave. And there were two slobbering dogs in John Lewis at the weekend. They weren't 'support' dogs, just spoilt, indulged ones.

John Lewis allows dogs in. Take it up with them if you have a problem with it.

No one in this thread has done that.
In any case, comparing grief is not helpful. It is not a competition, and at best you are invalidating the grief of someone who is in a lot of pain.

I take my dog on holiday. I am not allowed to leave her in the accommodation, so if I want to check out John Lewis (and there is not one where I live anyway), then she is perfectly entitled to be there, plus I have no option anyway.
She is spoilt, because there is nothing wrong with spoiling a person or pet that you love. I am sure the RSPCA will be very interested to hear that someone loves their dog and treats them well.

I think you just need to accept that these people, including your partner are not really your people. That’s fine, but you can’t expect them to stop being them to please you, you just need to go and find your own type of people.

I think you should be honest with these people I expect the outcome will be that the friends will decide they don’t really want to be your friends anymore and would rather spend time with people who care about how tough it can be in the early days/weeks of having a puppy, and who cares about what is important in their lives, and your partner will decide that he does want to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same as him about his dog, and your exercise class teacher will have a space free in her class for someone who wants to exercise surrounded by puppies, and you’ll be happier because you want be around these people.

Unfortunately they have.

@Helena91

I am hoping desperately that you feel it's posters triggering me, the mother of a dead baby that are being insensitive

But

I've a horrible horrible feeling that you are ignoring my pain and instead accusing me of being insensitive to "dog parents" which is truly truly disgusting if so.

Can you clarify.

It's very clear she is the latter I'm afraid. She has outright said it multiple times. I've reported again.

@Boomboom22 thank you. ❤️

The one that’s being insensitive and inconsiderate is you. How do you not have the empathy to understand that someone using misleading language to make out that they’ve lost a child for it to then transpire that it was just a dog, could be abhorring to someone who has actually lost a child.

Im not reporting anyone for being insensitive, but please consider that this is a site for parents and that losing a child is a very sad reality for some.

I am really trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, thinking you might need a bit of help professionally, which is obviously completely understandable when someone has been through something traumatic. But surely anyone with any kind of emotional intelligence would know that belittling someone's grief and using terms like "It's a bloody dog!" is very insensitive and will get you called out.
Being a pet (and human) parent myself, I have experienced all the feelings of love, joy, elation etc from my little girls and I can assure you that we do not go around thinking about losing them and how painful that would be in comparison to losing a human. Those are the thoughts I try very hard to suppress when my mind inevitably goes to that dark place from time to time as even the thought brings unbearable agony.
If you are not in a place where you can go online, see people suffering agonising grief and not try to make that worse by making cruel comments and even insinuating that they shouldn't be sharing that with others, then you really aren't ready to be online, as it's unfair.
Not one person in this thread has said that their pain in losing a pet was worse than losing a child, the only ones trying to gatekeep are people like you and it's wrong.
Many people have very close relationships with their pets and it can be very hard to get through day to day knowing that you will likely outlive them, and experience tremendous grief when they're gone. Just because it's not something you yourself feel, doesn't make it any less valid.

You have reported me? What on earth for? I can assure you I have had absolutely no notification, message from a moderator or restrictions placed on me. I can't imagine why I would either. Though if I spoke my mind to the likes of you I certainly would! As much as you might dislike it, sticking up for people getting shunned for talking about their grief of losing a furry family member is not wrong, quite the opposite in fact.

No human is the “parent” of any pet. Pets have their own parents who are members of that species.

However upset you might feel about your pet dying, it is not the same as losing a child.

People usually grieve a pet for a few weeks or months and then get a replacement. You can't do that with a child!

it can be very hard to get through day to day knowing that you will likely outlive them, and experience tremendous grief when they're gone

what's the point of constantly thinking about your pet dying? There's no pleasure in having a pet if you think about that every day

Absolutely 💯 agree

Someone who is grieving doesn’t (necessarily) need professional help, it’s very healthy and normal to grieve over the loss of a child. I’d say it’s also normal and expected for a negative reaction in response to someone’s grief to be compared to the grief of someone whose dog just died. Stop with the gaslighting.

What’s not normal is grieving over a bloody dog and pretending you’re a parent. I think it’s you that needs the professional help. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you shouldn’t have pets because you’re clearly overly emotional about them. I’m not saying that to be mean, but honestly you should realise how you’re coming off on here.

Pets can be wonderful and bring lots of happiness to a family, but that doesn’t mean they should be treated or thought of like one of the children.

I'm starting to wonder if people are actually reading? As I've said numerous times now, including in the post you are referring to. Literally no one has said losing a pet is the same as losing a child. And like I also said, we tend to suppress dark and morbid thoughts, enjoying the time we have with them. It really forces you to live in the moment.

Grieving is normal, yes, belittling and mocking someone else's grief is absolutely not, that's the behaviour I was referring to when suggesting professional help. When it hurts and affects others it's not ok. And I can tell you those words hurt. My own mum is a bereaved parent (my eldest sister) and she would NEVER in a million years behave that way.
I love my pets like children, many people in my generation do. I don't treat them the same as children, I fully acknowledge their species and love them for it. They get entirely different care than our human child. You might not like it, but that's your problem not mine.

What’s not normal is grieving over a bloody dog

It is COMPLETELY normal to grieve over a dog - everyone who I know who has lost a dog has grieved for them. I would be worried about them being a dog owner if they hadn't! You only get non dog-owners spouting this complete and utter shite. Stop invalidating people's feelings, it's callous and it's very wrong.

It's odd. My adult DD is very allergic to dogs and they seem to be in every cafe and pub these days.

A friend posted her xmas tree on insta .... every bauble had a photo of her dog on it 🙄

Her choice of babbles bothers you how exactly? We all have different tastes.

@Helena91 You have reported me? What on earth for? I can assure you I have had absolutely no notification, message from a moderator or restrictions placed on me. I can't imagine why I would either.

Actually, your posts were in fact deleted for going against Talk Guidelines. And rightly so.

Losing a pet is very sad. When my dog passes I will grieve for him. But it is not the same as losing a child. Not by a long way.

@beachcitygirl I'm so sorry you lost your baby. And sorry if this thread has added to your pain.

And that’s the sort of people OP is referring to.

Thats batshit imo but I’d say the same about people who get customised baubles with human faces on - cringey as feck