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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think we need to find a way to infiltrate the dog cult?

639 replies

dogsdilemma · 17/01/2024 11:53

I'll start by saying I favour cats but love all animals. I don't want a dog just now because I find them tying. Would date someone who had one because, contrary to what I'm about to say, I like them and it wouldn't be my responsibility.

But the obsession drives me nuts. It seems no one can own a dog in a normal way anymore. As in I have a dog, the dog is a pet not a person, dogs aren't god-like solve all creatures, it's fine if not everyone loves my dog as much as me - like I am with my cat.

Someone gets a puppy and I go to their house - all conversation is about the puppy and I'm expected to fuss like they've just given birth. I can't say 'ah I've actually come to catch up with my friend, not have endless chat about the puppy's sleep schedule and whether or not it shat in the house today' because their dogs are their babies, so I should treat them as such.

Instagram accounts for dogs - captions written like 'my mum took me for a walk today, I had so much fun'. Only mildly cringy but wtf? Are you a springer spaniel mother or Katie from uni?

I do an exercise class and the owner has a puppy. She brings him along so he's not home alone. At least 15 minutes of the session I've paid for is always taken up by the hive mind fussing the puppy. Everyone loves dogs so no one minds apparently - except I DO mind. If I say this though I'm gonna be the dick.

I'm OLD, and every other profile says 'must love dogs'. I do love them but don't want one, and if I say this it's like I've confessed to being Hitler in a past life. Cue messages trying to change my mind, as though not being obsessed with dogs is a moral failure. I love my cat but wouldn't rule out someone who doesn't feel the same?

The final nail in the coffin. I've been dating someone new. Had an absolute shitter of a week so far - nothing he can help with, not really serious, just work stuff. His response is 15 pictures of his dog being cute to cheer me up. He's just trying to be nice but I do not get it. I wouldn't expect pictures of my cat to cheer anyone up except, maybe, me. I'm being narky but I actually found it so so irritating and cannot even fake enthusiasm to reply. If I say 'awwww cute, thank you' he'll continue with this approach. If I say 'cute but why would your dog cheer me up ha' I'm gonna look like a knob.

I have no problem with others doing what they want to do but recently it is infiltrating everything. I know there are worse issues but ffs it's so annoying - what is this dog cult and how to we stop it? Can I tell this lovely man I'm dating that I actually have little interest in his dog?!?!?

OP posts:
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Frangipanyoul8r · 18/01/2024 22:53

The UK has gone so dog mad people aren’t allowed to say they don’t like them anymore without being a “dog hater” 😂. People on MN are allowed to say they don’t like children without being labelled a “child hater”. This is mumsnet, not dogsnet!

keylemon · 18/01/2024 22:54

And yes tell the man you don’t have any interest in his dog. You will be wasting your time with more dates with him.

keylemon · 18/01/2024 22:57

@Frangipanyoul8r dogs are mostly harmless really do not understand all the hate.

OrganicCamomileTea · 18/01/2024 23:06

I agree that the behaviour of much of the UK dog-owning population is very peculiar. It's always been the case that there were a few eccentric people who went OTT with the adoration/worship of their dogs, but these days they seem to be in the majority. It's very odd and I can't quite fathom out why this change has occurred, nor exactly when.

Theatrefan12 · 18/01/2024 23:07

Frangipanyoul8r · 18/01/2024 22:30

But where are these dog free places? Honestly I would love to find a cafe, pub or restaurant or even a park that didn’t allow dogs.

This 100%. There are only two cafes within a 30 minute walking distance from my house that are dog free - and I have asked

I refuse to eat in places that allow dogs (assistance dogs aside) so lucky that my two human friendly cafes feel the same although I wish there were more

Laura4363 · 18/01/2024 23:08

Haven’t RFTF yet, mostly because I’m busy looking after my poorly cat and she needs lots of cuddles.

This post is actually a good excuse for a rant, so bear with. Or scroll past, up to you.

I prefer cats to dogs, but I do like most dogs, except slobbery ones, I just can’t deal with slobber 🤢

I work for a pet supplies company. There are 5 of us in the office and I’m the only one who doesn’t have a dog. Everyone else is obsessed with their dogs. Every day they’re showing each other photos of what their amazing fur babies did yesterday, which usually seems to be tilting their head sideways or begging for a biscuit. I don’t find this particularly impressive personally but what do I know 🤷🏻

Any time anyone comes into the shop with a dog the whole office apart from me goes off to make a huge fuss of it, which is ok, but then I’m manning all the phones on my own for however long, and when everyone comes back they’re always amazed that I didn’t want to go and look at the lovely doggy. Yes ok then, next time is one of you going to stay here to answer the phones? No I thought not.

Actually I just remembered one time when I was in the shop and a beautiful German Shepherd came in. I gave her a fuss and then went back to the office to let everyone know she was there, only to be told that German Shepherds are 10 a penny and not really worth making a fuss over! What? They are my favourite breed, they’re gorgeous!

I knew when I took the job that the office was dog-friendly and I was fine with that, occasionally one of the directors will pop in with their dog for an hour or so and that’s quite nice, they’re lovely soppy things who like a fuss. But last week a sales rep came in and brought her massive gangly 1 year-old puppy with her, a Great Dane crossed with something else big, I can’t remember what now. She stayed for 4 hours! and let the pup do whatever the heck he liked the whole time while everyone cooed at him - which would have been fine, except that he didn’t bother with anyone else in the office, he just wanted to get under my desk where the samples of dog treats are kept (god knows why but that’s where they have to live for whatever reason), so he was constantly in my way. I accidentally ran over his tail with my chair when I needed to reach to answer one of the other phones, because every fecker else was too busy admiring his massive paws, and the rep was not impressed. I think she thought it was on purpose - it really wasn’t! After they’d gone everyone spent the rest of the day marvelling about what a lovely morning we’d had, while I tried to catch up on the stuff I couldn’t get done while he was shoving my chair sideways and trampling all over my feet.

Anyway. So I don’t really get the dog-worship, but I had mostly let it go over my head. I accepted that I was obviously a bit odd, because I only had cats. Or at least I did have cats, until I had to have my lovely boy Max put to sleep just after Christmas. Now I only have 1 cat. When I told my colleagues I thought they might be sympathetic, as fellow pet owners. But it seems it wasn’t really a big deal, because after all, cats aren’t like dogs are they? Cats aren’t really family members, unlike dogs. Cats don’t really like their owners, but obviously dogs worship their mummies and daddies, so it’s much worse for the owner when a dog dies. Apparently.

Now my 1 remaining cat is poorly, with a different problem than the one Max had. I stupidly mentioned this at work today, and the general consensus was never mind, if you lose this cat as well you could always get a puppy.

I know all dog owners aren’t like this. My sister is a dog person and hates cats, and even she was sympathetic about Max. But it does seem that some dog owners consider all other animals to be inferior, and that if you own anything other than a dog you aren’t really attached to them, and they aren’t attached to you either. I really don’t understand this point of view.

It probably seems like a bit of an over-reaction, but I’m actually thinking about finding another job. I can’t believe how insensitive they’ve all been. I was in bits the whole of Christmas week, hoping that Max would get better. I cancelled a long-planned trip to see my family who I hadn’t seen for 6 months, because I needed to be at home with him. I spent more than a month’s wages trying to save him. But to them he was “only a cat” and wasn’t really important, especially since he wasn’t even a “proper breed”, he was (shock, horror!) just a moggy. I was even told I should have just had him put to sleep in the first place instead of wasting all that money on him. Although to be fair she did get side-eyed by everyone else, I think even they realised that was slightly insensitive!

Anyway, rant over - I really needed to get that off my chest!

Theatrefan12 · 18/01/2024 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You are seriously comparing someone who murdered millions of people to someone who doesn’t like a dog?

Reported

ScartlettSole · 18/01/2024 23:20

Theatrefan12 · 18/01/2024 23:13

You are seriously comparing someone who murdered millions of people to someone who doesn’t like a dog?

Reported

The original post says if they say the dont like dogs they are looked at as though they confessed to being Hitler in a past life. Which is why i jokingly asked if she was.

Reported 🙄 seriously, get a grip! You reporting the OP too?

beachcitygirl · 18/01/2024 23:53

I find the language some dog owners use extremely triggering. As a bereaved parent and a sand's befriended. I've grit my teeth and came on here ready to offer support ie " my boy won't make it through the night" and it's a bloody dog 😤🤬🤬

T1Dmama · 19/01/2024 00:14

highlo · 17/01/2024 12:24

I have a dog, who I love. Who I think is amazing and cute and loveable. But she is my dog.

I also have a Dd who I love infinitely more than the dog. I genuinely don't get people who love their dogs like their children?!

I echo everything in your post and until I read this I've actually felt like a terrible, neglectful dog owner. She's more than well looked after, fed, exercised, played with. But I'm under no illusion she's anything 'special' to anyone but me and my Dd. If I have a guest, I tend to keep her in another room (in a big comfy padded dog bed with a chew), and when we're out I keep myself and my dog to ourselves unless someone proactively tries to interact with her.

My DP on the other hand is obsessed with his dog. Expects it to be the centre of everyone else's universe. He often says he doesn't know how he'll cope if he dies etc. the evenings we're not together (we don't live together) I get a photo of his dog sleeping. Every night. All the pics look identical. I've stopped acknowledging/replying to them and change the subject. He seems oblivious. I tried sending a pic of my dog back but he loves that 🤦🏽‍♀️

We can just be watching tv together and he'll pause the tv or interrupt to say "aw look how cute X is" and gazes at him like he's a newborn baby.

My DP doesn't have dc and he seems to think his love for his dog is similar to my love for my Dd.
My Dd goes to her dads and I miss her, he thinks it's comparable to him not seeing his dog for the same amount of time.

I consciously don't send him updates of why my Dd does one a daily basis, how cute she looks, what position she's lying in, whether she's been a "good girl" - let alone what my own dog does. So why would I care what his does??

Or I arrange to meet my dsis for lunch and she turns up with her dog while mine is at home chilled out in her bed. Why do they need to come everywhere?

PS as much as this is a rant about my DP, I agree with your comments about society in general, and that's as a dog owner! I just ended up on a rant...

Agree with this.
I don’t take my dogs to peoples houses, they don’t come to cafes or shopping with me…. But they do live a muddy forest walk and a belly rub at home…. One is crate trained and sleeps in it over night…
I love my dogs and would be devastated if anything happened to them, but as this poster says my daughter is my world, my dogs are just part of that…
I can not fathom why so many people suddenly have their dogs in town with them, and they’re walking round an indoor shopping centre! I don’t believe the majority of dogs like being dragged places that are packed and noisy!

My dogs are indeed dogs, they’re part of my pack but not my babies. They’re both very happy with forest walks and certainly aren’t missing anything by not standing around outside primark or next with one of us while the other is inside. Instead they’re happily sleeping at home after their lovely walk.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 19/01/2024 00:22

I like it when they put their dog on social media with their own account - keeps all their gushing to like minded people and I don't have to put up with it.

I'm so glad that I don't know anyone in Australia like that. They have dogs, but they are most definitely dogs and not children. But then most people just leave their dog at home during the day and don't get dog walkers, I rarely see them in cafes and coffee shops (maybe sometimes at outside tables at coffee shops that cater for those on a walk).

Or maybe I've been lucky. I see a few at my DS's cricket games but they're either very well trained or on a lead - the owners would be persona non grata if their dog took off with the cricket ball.....

Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 19/01/2024 00:30

If you think dog people are bad join the Hamster groups on Facebook. Absolutely batshit.

EverleighMay · 19/01/2024 00:40

YeOldeGreyhound · 18/01/2024 22:03

You do realise that human bum and genital germs are most likely on the furniture (and 100% certainly the bedding) too?

If any of my family have a 'bad toilet' incident we all scoot our bare arses over the floor rather than having a good clean up with 3ply quilted followed by a shower to clean off. We're definitely as unhygienic as the dog...

🤔

GothConversionTherapy · 19/01/2024 04:26

@Laura4363 They sound like a bunch of psychopaths, just waiting for you say something so they can say that opposite

murphy8037 · 19/01/2024 06:37

This! Sorry OP! But at least I’m self aware about it. I hope!!!

PrawnDumplings · 19/01/2024 06:50

Lying in bed drinking tea here with my beautiful girl beside me 🐾

She's got the most velvety ears
She's always so happy to see me
She smells like biscuits
She never barks
She never bites
She means I walk every day
Anyone who meets her falls in love
She'd never write a post on mumsnet complaining about an entire species.
She's awesome

Sorry OP but YABU dogs are the best! 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Ickthyosaur · 19/01/2024 07:50

💯👏🏻 I love dogs, I am definitely a dog person, but every time a friend gets a dog it suddenly seems to become their entire personality and their whole lives and our friendship revolve around the dog from then on. Arghhhhh.

Catwench · 19/01/2024 07:50

It’s a bit difficult to stop them however mine don’t tend to bother, they cut across the odd back fence but that’s about it. Mine would generally be too scared to enter your house unless I was there equally if they were upsetting someone there is ways to resolve it such as a cold water pistol or cat repellent. Most cats don’t do any harm, its generally unneutured ones which are not as looked after which can.

MrsRachelDanvers · 19/01/2024 07:53

@Laura4363 sending you best wishes and hope he recovers. Losing your companion is hard. I’ll never have another pet like my current cat-and that includes the dogs I’ve had. And I get you about the dogs. Great in their place but not being a nuisance.

clickifyouwanna · 19/01/2024 08:01

PrawnDumplings · 19/01/2024 06:50

Lying in bed drinking tea here with my beautiful girl beside me 🐾

She's got the most velvety ears
She's always so happy to see me
She smells like biscuits
She never barks
She never bites
She means I walk every day
Anyone who meets her falls in love
She'd never write a post on mumsnet complaining about an entire species.
She's awesome

Sorry OP but YABU dogs are the best! 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Lovely post, I’ll add they make you laugh, and they connect you with other humans, especially the elderly who have said to me if it wasn’t for their dogs getting them out and about they would never speak to another human from one week to the next.

TiaSeeya · 19/01/2024 08:06

PrawnDumplings · 19/01/2024 06:50

Lying in bed drinking tea here with my beautiful girl beside me 🐾

She's got the most velvety ears
She's always so happy to see me
She smells like biscuits
She never barks
She never bites
She means I walk every day
Anyone who meets her falls in love
She'd never write a post on mumsnet complaining about an entire species.
She's awesome

Sorry OP but YABU dogs are the best! 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Most people aren’t complaining about dogs

They are complaining about dog bores

PrawnDumplings · 19/01/2024 08:09

@TiaSeeya most people don't take exception to other people liking dogs.

clickifyouwanna · 19/01/2024 08:12

YeOldeGreyhound · 18/01/2024 22:52

Do you think the same of people who clean up poo as part of their job? That could be anything from a zookeeper, to a nurse.

How did you manage nappy changing when your children were small? Oh, you must have become immune.

Care assistants for the very elderly who are doubly incontinent must be feeling very appreciated after reading this. Revolting is it? Good job other people don’t feel the same.

TiaSeeya · 19/01/2024 08:13

PrawnDumplings · 19/01/2024 08:09

@TiaSeeya most people don't take exception to other people liking dogs.

If you read the thread, most people don’t take exception to people liking dogs.

Most people do take exception to dog monologues, dog obsession and dog fanaticism.

sorrynotathome · 19/01/2024 08:16

clickifyouwanna · 19/01/2024 08:01

Lovely post, I’ll add they make you laugh, and they connect you with other humans, especially the elderly who have said to me if it wasn’t for their dogs getting them out and about they would never speak to another human from one week to the next.

I don't mind dogs but they don't make me laugh, I've never met one and instantly fallen in love with it, and I don't need a dog to connect me to other humans as I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself.

I think people are attracted to dogs because of the unconditional love they give to their owners, even when treated astonishingly badly. It's much easier than forming relationships with people, who are complex and need something back.

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