Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

I'm sorry this is a ridiculous point.

Haha, ftm in my 50s . Yes planned, you don't get pregnant at 50+ unless you have assistance.

Those still ovulating, you'll find your egg quality is very low and unlikely to sustain a term pregnancy.

Yes its weird, I didn't meet the intended father until we were 50+. Mostly its weird because people give you odd vibes but I'm pretty much over that.

Yes it's difficult sometimes, no more than being younger though?

I hope to live another 30 years plus, but if we don't, our beloved child is catered for, probably better than those who unexpectedly pass away in their 30s and 40s.
We have great fun and he's probably a bit over indulged but our aim is a healthy, happy and confident child which so far is the case.

So yes, if its your thing, have a baby at 50+, the stats for Ivf pregnancy are not separated so true successful pregnancy rates are difficult to find. There are greater health risks to mum and child, but its doable.

Be happy, if its now or never...

@Kendodd why? It was assessing people who are saying it’s selfish because of the impact on the child. My point is is the impact so bad that it is better for the child not to be born?

it seems to me very unlikely that the impact of the Mather being 50 would be so extremely bad.

lots of other reasons why a woman may not personally want to do it. But the impact on the child of having an older mother being so severe - in itself - seems very unlikely to me.

@Kendodd why? It was assessing people who are saying it’s selfish because of the impact on the child. My point is is the impact so bad that it is better for the child not to be born?

It’s a ridiculous argument when talking about a hypothetical child who would be none the wiser if it was never born.

@KimberleyClark how is it ridiculous? If some people are saying women shouldn’t do it because the impact on the child of having an older mother is so awful - surely the question is whether that child would still rather have been born?

ie whatever suffering there is as a result of maternal age - it is outweighed by the fact of having life at all. For those judging due to the impact on the child - that surely is the fundamental question.

impact on the mother herself is a separate issue

I think the would you rather not be born argument is a bit pointless as we are all here now.

Being born to a teenager and having my siblings and I all raised away from her wasn't a good situation. It's nice we are all here now, but certain cycles have continued with my sister and her kids and I'm not sure "being born" was that great considering the consequences involved.

Sure I love my life and my siblings but not everyone survives what we have. Higher suicide rates, addictions, homelessness, and jail for kids born in our situation. Our mom actually was in jail.

I think there is a middle ground and being a teenager or a 50 yo is not ideal.

It's not misogyny. I think it's sad when fathers are older too. There are always tragic stories but on the whole yes if you have kids later there is a higher likely hood of leaving them young.

I lost a friend to lung cancer at 42 who never smoked. I wouldn't take that as an endorsement that you smoking is on because you might die from lung cancer anyways.

KimberleyClark how is it ridiculous? If some people are saying women shouldn’t do it because the impact on the child of having an older mother is so awful - surely the question is whether that child would still rather have been born?

No it isn’t? Using that logic you would not allow abortions because the child would still rather be born?

maybe some of your friends envy you for having such a loving relationship with your parents.

I don't deny your pain at losing a parent relatively early in your life. But so many of us suffer for other reasons. I pay the price every day for parents who made some poor life decisions that left me isolated and depressed, and it had a huge impact on how my life has turned out - my parents were educated people in their 20s when I was born. I envy my friends whose parents didn't do that.

You say you reserve the right to judge. I think as a society that's not helpful. because if we judged potential parents for being feckless, too young, too ignorant, too fat, too poor, too rich, foolish, not committed, early divorce, whatever - list goes on, should we judge parents with neuro-diverse kids for having another child, i think it doesn't take us to a good place as a society. It means that we narrow our and other people's options to have a good life and to make decisions that they think are right, and bring up amazing kids.

The question was "would you" and it seems mostly women have responded. Not sure how it's misogynistic to not want to have a baby at 50 and to explain why.

Misogyny seems to have been redefined by some as not supporting whatever a woman wants to do. We should all be shouting You Go Girl, to anything a woman says.

There seems to be only a consideration for the 'older' parent but, what about the child!?

I had two very lovely, amazing supportive parents but, they obviously were older (which comes with it's own health issues) and died when i was young. They were both healthy etc when they had me.

I wouldnt have changed them for the world as they were wonderful but, to be over 50 and having a newborn baby isn't in my opinion ideal. I could have been well cared for and looked after once they died. But, i miss them in my life.

It a ridiculous argument because a child not born wouldn't be around to be sad about not being born. Its like asking fresh air if it would prefer to be a person.

@Kendodd you are not understanding the point.

I’ll try one more time - some people
are saying women shouldn’t do it because the impact on the child would be so bad.

but if the child will still be happy to be alive and rather be born than not to have been born - than the logical conclusion is that any detrimental impact on a child by having an older mother is not - in itself- a reason not to have the child as the ultimate benefit to the child of being born is still greater.

dis you make the abortion comment? I can’t remember. That was a bizarre comment - the issue of abortion is about bodily autonomy. They are not related arguments.

No!!

a friend did it and has a beautiful child whom she's bringing up fantastically on her own. I admire her greatly. She's a very youthful 50 tho

Christ no! I'm 52 and still only recentlt perimenopausal. I occasionally dream I'm pregnant, and wake up traumatised! I would have felt exactly same when I was 42 though tbh. Also it's not fair on the child.

Most people are still glad they're alive though no matter what they've been through. So you could argue it's ok for kids to be born to abusive parents if they're still glad they're here? Which would obviously be a terrible argument. I actually would've chosen not to be born, but I know that's an incredibly taboo thing to say so I don't say it much! We're just supposed to be glad to be here, seems like we don't really get a say-like some other posters pointed out, it's literally ALL about the parents. Actually pointing out you might leave your child parentless early is completely crazy to even contemplate apparently, strange world!

I actually think older fathers are worse since they're far less likely to make it to 90+ than women are. Both my grandmothers lived til 97, so I'm hoping my mum lives that long (she's already had cancer when I was 13 and we were so lucky she beat it). My dad is long gone, despite being super healthy all his life, he had cancer-one caused by OLD AGE (prostate cancer) but sadly he didn't beat it.

If I'd actually lost my mum as a teenager and then lost my dad in my early 20s I think I would've ended it. Obviously there will be people who get over something like that easier than others, I was very close to my parents and very affected by my dad's death. Some won't be and it won't be such a big deal, but to not even contemplate this happening or to just shrug it off as "well my kid will still be happy to be alive" is just burying your heads in the sand imo.

I have longed for another child for a long time, but no, 50(+) feels to old for a new baby ... to me. Still, I try and understand people for whome this is their one and only chance. It was a relief when finally menopauze decided to arrive so I could in good conscience stop birthcontrole.

It’s s like many things, there are pros and cons and you definitely still get the joy and happiness of having a child, regardless of how old you are as a parent.
You get the downsides too, which you get at any age too.
The argument that it's selfish to have a baby at 50 or older can be persuasive and is ultimately why I would say no. But if you’d always wanted a child and finally at the chance at 50 then that’s another matter for the individual and I would never judge. Interesting question OP 😀

Like others on this thread I was born to older parents who has both died before I was 25. It has affected my whole life. I can’t say I wish I’d never been born because by extension my kids would’ve never been born and I find that thought absolutely awful but honestly - if they hadn’t had me, well I’d never have existed so couldn’t care (which is the point kendodd is making I believe).

I have friends who had their kids older. There have been quite a few health scares and devastatingly one death, leaving another child without a parent. I absolutely no way would have a baby at 50 nor would I ever have a baby with a 50 year old man.

Yes. If you can get pregnant naturally then there’s no issue. If you are in a stable relationship and can provide for the child financially and give them a good life then yes of course, he/she will be better off than the majority of children in the UK today.

@goodkidsmaadhouse What age we’re you when they had you, if you don’t mind me asking?

45

Had my first at 33 - fine
My second at 38 - definitely flagging a bit as he didn't sleep well for the first 3 years
I'm now 53 and am well and truly knackered.

My friend (single) had a baby at 48. Anonymous egg and sperm donor from abroad.

Spends all her time palming him off to her elderly mother now as it’s ‘too hard being a single mum’