Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

Wow. My Mil is 64 this year. Has 2 children in their 40's and youngest grandchild is 8. She was just saying the other day how nice it is that the grandchildren are older now. I just can't imagine her having a baby now.

At 64? How is that even possible? I am hoping this is a typo. If not, there must have been massive intervention by very irresponsible medics.

You never know what is going to happen. My DH was an orphan at 33, his mother died in her 50s. I am in my 60s and partially retired, and am financially responsible for my parents who are in their 80, they had me when they were both 19. All kinds of ways that life shakes out. I had my child in my 40s and don't regret it.

I assumed the father was 64. But if not, it will be irresponsible medics in Eastern Europe or Italy, and bought eggs.

There is possibly too much overthinking here. So many questions (of a different nature) could also be asked of a pregnant 18-year-old like how will you afford to buy a house if you are bringing up a child? Is your boyfriend 100% committed? What would you do if he left you? How do you feel about not being able to go out and socialize in your early 20s while all your friends are? I just feel if everyone asked themselves too many questions, nobody would ever do anything. Everyone is different – some 18-year-olds have long happy futures with their partner and children while others don’t and equally, there are older mothers who successfully have children who are happy and have fulfilling lives. You can plan as much as you like but things are thrown at us along the way and you deal with them as best you can. The world will never be perfect. People on here are being way too judgy. If you had your children young and loved it and they are happy and doing well, then that’s great and if you had your children older and loving it and they also are happy and doing well, that’s also great. There is no right or wrong.

@KimberleyClark has it. My 64 yea old friend will become a dad again, after a gap of 25 years since his youngest was born. Now with a second, much younger, wife. The question "would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially?" still applies here.

I wouldn’t, as it seems like a bad idea. But, people will do as they choose anyway.😗

Yes we understand the biology. The post was about society judging older women differently to men. You missed the point

If we didn’t have children the human race would become extinct. Metaphysical question - is this selfish or not!!? W

What does that even mean though? What other reason does a woman have a child apart from to fulfil a want? No-one is saying ‘oh I don’t really want a child but he/she might be the one to find the cure for cancer so I’d better get on with it’ are they? I don’t understand what an altruistic reason for having a child would be - apart from those who adopt severely disabled children etc.

so if we didn't have children then the human race would become extinct. I don't expect my child to 'save the world'. But to say that having children is being selfish is like saying to just exist is to be selfish. After all, every day i use up some of the planet's resources, I go about my day, i work, have fun, etc. is this selfish? should i just stop existing?

Absolute hard no. Just turned 50. I'm knackered. My kids are late teens and I'm looking forward to getting to a stage where I'm able to plan the next stage of our lives, lovely holidays / breaks for me and DH etc...

Also, we might all look healthier on the outside these days without the 'old woman' perception, but you can't halt time - much greater risk of foetal abnormalities. (my eggs were proven to be old and crusty at 40, and at 50 the risks would be even higher).

I also wouldn't do it for the sake of the child.

Oh and imagine the school gates! It was bad enough when I was young! Could not be arsed with playground politics in my mid 50s, I'd make my child unpopular just by calling people out on their crap. Or I'd have to make friends with the grandmas. Just no! Sorry overthinking the horrors now....

That’s true, but it’s not why you had one.

I don’t think anyone is saying that it’s wrong to have kids - it’s just not altruistic.

And yes, some choices made by an existing person are selfish from a planetary resources perspective e.g. choosing to participate in fast fashion or consume loads of red meat. You could argue that both of these contribute to industry and therefore aren’t selfish, but it’d be a rubbish argument because that’s not why people do it. They do it because they like cheap clothes and steaks.

Calling decisions selfish doesn’t mean that the person should ‘stop existing’ (wtf? we can’t avoid having a carbon footprint), it just recognises their impact on the planet and helps to ensure that everyone isn’t doing it.

Gosh this thread is full to the brim with misogyny from women!

It’s a personal choice if a woman wants to have a baby at 50, and some feel they would not want to. Fair enough. (And most of us women will not as fertility drops off a cliff).

However the sheer ‘oh my god an old decrepit granny at the school gates how disgusting’ and ‘woman are so selfish they will die when the child is 10’ and ‘it’s so unfair on the child they won’t even be able to pick up a toy they will be so decrepit’.

Whereas as a father at age 50? Oh no, sign of virility, sign of being able to leave his wife and start another family with a young woman near his kids age. But no judgement!

Contrary to popular belief women are perfectly capable of making good decisions about being a parent and do not fall apart at age 50, on the whole. They also live longer than men to a significant amount.

So let’s save our judgement for men shall we?

Just becausepeople disagree with you it does mean they ae misogynistic.

@Neurodiversitydoctor she’s saying it’s misogynistic because there are different standards applies to men

Not by me. Old sperm doesn't make great babies.

As a granny who regularly picks GC up from school I would say older mothers would blend in with the majority as we grannies seem to be doing alot of picking up from school.

Well obviously we don't all have a terrible menopause, I didn't. Barely noticed it and the bits I did notice were all positive. We can't plan for everything, my DHs father died when DH was a babe in arms, he was in his 20s. Should we say we shouldn't have babies in our 20s because we could die? My father died in his 40s when I was 13, should we say we shouldn't have children in our 30s because we might die?

Life's a gamble, we can't plan everything. Having a baby at 50 wouldn't be for everyone but it doesn't mean it is anymore of a wrong decision than my late FIL becoming a father in his 20s. He took the gamble and left a child fatherless. I think everyone should make their own decisions and take their own chances.

Just for clarity I'm in my 70s and raising a teenage GC, it is no harder than it was with any of my own and easier than some of them!

The post is titled 'would you have a baby at 50', so unsurprisingly people are answering whether they would have a baby at 50.

Some people say ' hell no, I wouldn't want to because xxx'. Fine.

If the question was ' would you have a baby at 18, I'm guessing a lot of the outraged posters wouldn't have much to say about misogyny, probably would agree.

Anyone who has a child on either end of the spectrum will be touchy, as with any personal decision others are disapproving of. Doesn't make it misogyny though (unless they outright said being a father at 50 is admirable, but mother is selfish).

I have known in the past someone who did have a baby (via IVF) around that age due to very tragic circumstances and was obviously happy for them but per se, no.
If it happens naturally (highly unlikely) then that’s different and meant and that’s wonderful but definitely not otherwise. I think nature’s cut off age is what we should stick to.

the altriusm/selfishness argument didn't come from me. My point is that accusing others of selfishness is going down a rabbit hole. Are parents who drink 'selfish' coz they could get ill. should fat people not have children as their kids could be diabetic? Are people on low incomes who have a child 'selfish' as they will take up government resources and need social housing? who is selfish and who is not, and why? One could argue that it is selfish to do voluntary work or raise money for charity because people are seeking kudos or doing it to feel good about themselves. seriously, virtually everything is selfish. I doubt that so many of the posters have given a seconds thought as to what is selfish and not, but are quick to blame older mothers for being selfish, and yes, it does feel like this is a misogynistic and ageist take.

No, and as a child of parents who had me when they were in their 50s I reserve the right to judge anyone who thinks it's a good idea. Having your parents in their 80s when you're just turning 30 is awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I adore my mother, and my father (who passed away already), and am eternally envious of all my friends who have a much higher possibility of their parents being around for decades to come whereas I have a higher possibility than average of being 'orphaned' before I've even hit my 40s.

@ky7sa if given the option of not being born at
all or being born the your parents thiugh what would you choose?

my parents had me at 30 and were awful. I’ve been non contact since I was 30. I suffered awful trauma. Still happy to be alive though.

That's a tough one as I was adopted from outside of the country (another reason why my parents are older... they were too old to be allowed to adopt in the UK!) so I suppose I'd be alive regardless.

As mentioned I adore my parents I just wish I had longer with them both. I wouldn't make the same choices they did in their situation.