Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

"In the 2019-21 period seven women over 60 gave birth, with two of them over 65."

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/nov/17/ons-data-shows-15-rise-in-births-among-women-over-age-of-50-in-england

Wow so many questions:
Firstly I am asuming you used donor eggs following your IVF ?
Are you open with the twins about this ?
How do you see it all working out in 10-20 years ? IME the teenage years were far more exhausting than babies or toddlers, 2am pick ups than involve driving and being alert, rather than cuddly night feeds in your warm house in your pjs. Are you care arrangements for yourself in older age absolutely watertight ? It would be phenomenally unfair to expect your DTs to give up their 30s for elder care when you had he priviledge of building your career and travelling in that decade. Finally how would you balance things if your 90 yo parents need support or care with 2 4 yos to care for ?

No way as in perimenopause at this stage and energy levels low and not fair on a child as parent will be far too old and could not even imagine it to be honest.

My Mum had a pregnancy possibility in her late forties/early fifties. When it turned out to not be the case, her Doctor reminded her how old she would have been for various milestones in the child's life. She didn't live to see her sixtieth birthday... So the risk is always that you will leave a young child without parents or with sick elderly parents.

Having children isn’t exactly good for the planet. And most people do it for selfish reasons.

Why do people assume children will need to care? I had children in my early 40s and we made very sure we were solvent enough to pay for any care we might need and will pay for any support we need (although realize that’s not possible for everyone). I wouldn’t want my kids caring for me at ANY age. Also everyone saying the lack of sleep would be a killer - while I think there is an issue with energy levels (which for me probably kicked in late 50s, but I had a very demanding job as well as family responsibilities) like most of my friends I needed less sleep as I got older, and coped much better with disturbed nights than I would have done in my 20s.

Money doesn't solve everything there are so many other things to sort out, accompanying to hospital appointments, power of attorney. It is actually a bit sad if you think you can outsource all elder care.

I have a friend who is 50 who’s life has been destroyed by looking after her parents for the last five years and it doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon.

it’s horrible. It doesn’t make it any less awful for her that she’s 50

@Neurodiversitydoctor tou can pay for a carer to accompany you by taxi. I don’t want my children having to take time off work etc. and what if they live abroad or miles away? I want my kids to live their fullest life at whatever age, and the number of people on these boards who feel bitter and burnt out from elder care is sobering. There may be some decisions they need to make in extreme circumstances but I don’t want them having the day to day grind of care. My mother had this with her mother and it was beyond grim.

I’d have felt heartless paying for a stranger to take my dementia suffering mother to a hospital appointment in a taxi so that I didn’t have to take time off work. You wouldn’t do it for your child, so why would you for your vulnerable elderly parent?

I’m 58, 2DC one 40 one 25, I’ve just bought a small bungalow ready for the next chapter of life. Im post menopausal now, and that is the exact reason in my opinion women shouldn’t have babies in their 50’s. The impact menopause can cause is horrific without dealing with raising a child at the same time.

@KimberleyClark because I would make sure they know that’s what I want. And some children can’t help anyway due to distance or responsibilities so it’s really not that uncommon to “buy in” help of this kind.

Hell no. I’m 41 and pregnant with 2nd. I decided a hard stop that I didn’t want to be pregnant beyond 42 birthday, predominantly because of the exponentially higher risks of both the pregnancy and the child having issues. My first is almost two. I massively regret not doing this years earlier. I think society mistakenly encourages young people to focus on work and have children in their 30s, and obviously this Means later and later. It wasn’t till I was TTC I read up on the increased risks to baby. No one tells you this when you’re in your 20s. There are costs. I’m also utterly knackered.

It's usually difficult and sad when parents die but this is getting ridiculous now. At 37 your friend is well into adulthood and should be able to look after herself. If she can't do it at 37 then is she likely to able to do it at 47 or 57? Are parents never allowed to die? Is there ever an age where you can say that you don't really need your parents anymore? I think the problem might not he that her parents had her in their 50s but thet they didn't teach her to be independent. They obviously lived a long life so being in their 50s didn't cut their time with their child short.

On the other hand your friend has lost both her parents and is grieving. That's natural. I suspect it's you who is bringing her parents' age into it and not her.

Where it does become difficult is when you have young kids and elderly parents who need you. However, there are so many other factors involved in this thst you never know if or what will become a difficult situation.

@FlynnD93 i don’t think women should have babies at 18 🤷‍♀️ i think that’s far worse than an emotionally and financially established wan having one at 50

but I can still recognise that it’s still entirely possible that a child from an 18 year old mother can be glad they were born. And the age of the mother is just one factor in a child’s life

Most people lose parents at some point. It is not pleasant but it is eminently survivable. Does your friend not have other friends, a partner, a job, interests?

Most people lose parents at some point. It is not pleasant but it is eminently survivable. Does your friend not have other friends, a partner, a job, interests?

Not having a close family is not something friends or random uncles and cousins can fill.

Having your own family can help, but maybe this woman doesn't. Survivable is still deeply unpleasant, it's reality and one of the pitfalls/risks of having children at a certain age, as most ages have.

@Rosinda but unless you yourself die young it's completely inevitable. It doesn't necessarily hurt less when you're older - I've had friends devastated to lose parents in their 50s. You don't stop loving your parents as you get older. It's an unpleasant but inevitable part of life.

It tough at any age but most people would still rather have a good 50 years with their parents than lose them at 10 years old.

If I found myself pregnant at 50 I would be hugely concerned that something might happen to me during labour and I'd leave my existing children without a mother.

I would also be concerned that I wouldn't have the energy to deal with a young child in my 50s or a stroppy teenager in my 60s, or that I could become ill and force my child into a caring role at a time when they should be focussing on their education or setting out to make their way in the world.

That’s extraordinary. No one I know did it for selfish reasons. I cherish the bond with my son, it is one of the world’s most precious experiences. I hope to raise him and a responsible and kind citizen. If that’s selfish then we have different definitions of the word.

You had a baby to fulfil your want for one, yes? That’s a selfish reason. You didn’t do it for altruistic reasons.

DH has a halfsister who was born when her parents were 55 & 42. She is 22 her Dad died in 2021, her Mom is 64 and had cancer last year, can't help but feel sorry for her.

A friend is having one at 64. Second marriage. Madness.

I agree having children is selfish ( I have them). I am raising my DC to be kind and lovely, but who knows: they could be turn out to be serial killers at worst or tax dodgers at best. I don't know how parents are so convinced their DC will save the world!

Also, I don't expect they will have very good lives, given climate change and the recession. So, selfish, though perhaps understandably so.