Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

I think it is very different to have your FIRST child at 50, versus someone who is 50 with teenagers thinking of starting again by having a baby.

I had twins at 47. I'm now 51 with active 4-year olds, and work full time in a senior, stressful role.
I started TTC at about 40, and after 10 IVFs, 2 miscarriages, I finally had my miracles. :) Yes, I'm tired, with very little time for me, but I think I'd be tired if I were 30 too! I spent my 30s travelling, building up my career, loads of hobbies, etc, so now I am happy to just focus on the twins and work.

I'm not worried about age. My parents are healthy 93/94 year olds. They were in their 40s having me and my younger brother (and older siblings too). Hopefully I've inherited their long-life genes. I think having kids later in life keeps you young-at-heart. e.g. I go ice-skating regularly with the twins, and will take them skiing starting next winter. I'm also senior in work, so have the flexibility to manage my own schedule, and do 90% of drop offs/pick-ups and can attend all school events.

I also was proud to have an older mum when I was a teenager. Back in the 60s/70s, she had to give up work when she got married, so most of her friends got married relatively later (in their late 30s) so they could have some career before having to give it up. So the children of my mum's friends were around my age too.

The only downside, is that I probably will not have a huge amount of time with any grandchildren.

I think one of this issues with older moms for me is that while I know quite a few who gave birth they all used donor eggs which I have issues with. So the more normalized older parents are, the more donor eggs/sperm and surrogacy are needed.

Also while there financial strengths for many, one thing I have noticed ( this is simply my own observations) is that older parents are more set in their ways.

There's a bigger disconnect between them and their teenagers, and when the kids are young things are much more rigid.

That might just be the people I've seen, but I've seen a lot of struggle with kids being kids.

My stepdad was in his 60's when I was a teenager and he had zero patience. It was bad.

My birth mom was 15 when she had me and no, I don't recommend that either.

@Apollonia1 thanks so much for that post! We have quite a lot in common (I didn't have twins though!) and I encountered quite a lot of (rather unexpected) overt rudeness and snide remarks earlier on this thread.

I'm 48 and 18 weeks pregnant with our first child

@redleaves75 congratulations!

Thank you so much

Congratulations. That's awesome.

To be fair, it's unlikely they'd have been perfect parents at 30 either.

i occasionally thought about children but never really wanted to have them so always thought best not. In my mid forties I wondered if I’d made the right decision and decided I had. The thought of the work of babies and young children then, and even more now mid fifties, is just overwhelming. But I do sort of wish now I had a daughter in her early twenties … pity you can’t without going through everything else!

No unless you have a oartner whi is very involved in all aspect of household, shared the load otherwise it is really going to be very hard to manage, trust me.

Physically, if I feel as I do now then yes.
Mentally, no because I’d be conscious of the fact that I’d be nearly 70 whilst they were still in the teenage years. That wouldn’t feel right for the child plus I want to retire before then- which would feel impossible if trying to financially support a child through uni.

@Apollonia1 your experience sounds almost identical to mine. As I posted earlier, I had twins at 48 and it was and still is a fantastic experience I did the same as you in my 30s, still working full time now, went skating with them at 61 (can still skate pretty well), etc and like you, my mum is 94 and still active so it's nice to hear about others having positive experiences too and giving hope to anyone who would love to have children but think it's too late due to negative comments. I think anyone with motivation, passion for life, positivity and good health can have children later in life.

I’m sort of in the middle of a low chance scare at the moment and I’m 49. I had my youngest at 40. Tbh even when my daughter hints that she would leave her future baby with me when it suits it gives me the shivers, I’ve just had enough. So I wouldn’t have it no, it seems a shame but it would seem a bit ridiculous to me at that age, I’d worry about leaving them when they’re still young and most of the life stages kids have would get on my nerves when I’m so old.

No chance, I have a toddler now at mid 40’s and I feel like I have died most of the time I’m
so tired.

If you are able to get pregnant, you are able to be a parent. At any age.

I think the question is - Is it fair for a 10 year old to have a 60 year old Mother? Or a 19/20 year old to have a 70 year old Mother? Or a 30 year old to potentially bury an 80 odd yr old parent?

My 37 year old best friend is now an orphan (?). Her parents had her at 50 and are both now dead . She has no other family, she is all alone, and she is struggling.

What's 'fair on the child' is being super loved and wanted and cared for. Plus people are living longer 😉

I have to say I did think about it. I had my first (and only) at 45 due to several years trying/IVF and I was wondering about having a second - feeling guilty because my son would be an only child etc but unfortunately we are over the other side of the world and our embryos were in Czech Republic and covid put paid to any chance of us actually doing it. Looking back though, I'm glad we weren't able to because at my age (52) I'm tired enough with a 7 year old and I don't honestly think I could have coped with a younger one as well.

I did his 28 now and kept me young, his a trainee paramedic my eldest is 52 and middle one 48 have four grandchildren and three great grand, and in fabulous new relationship but won’t be having anymore lol 😂
I’m still on no medication by the way … so he did me no harm 👍

Not quite an answer to the having a baby at 50 question but I had my first DG at a couple of months short of 43 and my second at a couple of months short of 47. Both IVF (own eggs) after many years of trying. I wouldn't have chosen to do it so late but sometimes things just work out that way.

I'm now almost 60 with a 17 year old and a 13 year old - I don't regret it one bit and am very glad I have them. I think it has kept me more active and more in touch with young people. I don't agree with a PP that I am set in my ways as an older person (I find it hard actually to even think of myself as an older person!), and I am certainly not disconnected from my DC.

I had lots of time before they were born for career and travel etc, and was lucky enough to be able to keep on my career on a good salary when they arrived.

The only drawbacks: (1) I will have to keep working (part-time) to help them both through universityor whatever career path they choose, and (2) as a PP said, I may not get that long with any grandchildren who might arrive (although, having said that, both my grandmothers lived past 80 and my mother is almost 89 now).

I am most definitely NOT tired and worn out now, and I haven't been at earlier stages of the DCs' lives either.

I think there is definitely a difference between having your first DC at a later age, and having more DC at a later age after having some younger DC, finding yourself worn out by that and then starting the whole thing all over again.

My friend had her first at 48

No. I’m 50 with residency of a 3 and 4 year old. I’ve had them since the youngest was born. It’s exhausting. I would never do it by choice!

i'm 37 having baby number 6 my husband will be 50 when our baby is born. i'm tired now i certainly couldn't have a baby at 50 but think it's a lot different for men. my nan had a baby at 56 but unfortunately a still born and the birth nearly killed her she had a haemorrhage

If it wasn’t for the bad press that comes with pregnancy after 35 - then maybe, only if I hadn’t had children yet.

I had my children young and I’m looking forward to being 50 and have adult children rather than young children. That comes from a place where I’m looking forward to getting my life back but also being scared of the physical effects.

Adopt or foster at 50? Maybe with help from a community of family though.

Same here, I had my third lad at 50 his 28 now and has kept me in touch and alert …best thing I ever did, 👍