Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

@fromhellsheartistabatthee It would be better if they could though

Being a step parent is nothing like the same. You are not responsible ultimately for them beyond being kind and supportive.

As a first child, maybe. If I'd already had DC, then no way.

Yes, I lost a parent during the baby days and I could barely see straight during the last few months of illness and the many months after between the grief, being up all night, breastfeeding, comforting my dm and my children, helping with the funeral arrangements. My Dad had us fairly young and sadly died young though. I'd take all that over losing a parent as a child. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

This if for me the double standards in a nutshell.

’As long as the woman is young…’

A man suffers absolutely zero judgement at age 50. Even late 50s there isn’t much judgement for a man. Yet if men are so crucial as fathers to a child’s upbringing, then it is both parents who matter.

Really I do think there is something misogynistic underlying the judgement of mothers at 50. There is a kind of disgust and revulsion. It’s like women over a certain age are supposed to fall into the background, not be attractive, certainly not be fertile, accept their husband might swap them for a younger fertile woman, but not dare to claim any of that ground herself.

If I wanted one, then yes I would. Lots of women feel great at 50, are fit and healthy, financially better off than when younger and come from families with a history of living into their 90s! This is such a personal thing and no woman should be shamed for wanting and choosing motherhood, when she is in a position to love and care for any resulting child.

I wouldn't choose it in my circumstances since I already have 4 children and I feel done now, but if I'd not been able to have children earlier, then yes.

@fluffyduvetcover I'm so sorry about your son. To lose a child is truly the most awful thing that can happen to a person

@MotherofGorgons

Wow, well that's fine for you then. I guess some people would prefer to outsource day to day parenting, even when they could do it themselves and had no financial need for a job.

That's not me though. I loved being a mum.

A thread obviously designed to evoke fertility privilege and shame older mums. 🙄👏🏻

God, is this the new way to be a victim...having kids in your 50s?

Honestly yeah sometimes when it makes me really sad. And the new year always makes me think about it more, we’ve also had a death in the family recently so maybe I’m just feeling over emotional about it at the moment. I have older siblings so for my parents it wasn’t a lifestyle choice or a struggle to conceive, it was because they just wanted another baby. They both have health issues and of course I am more than willing to help them, but I can’t help but compare myself to my friends who can enjoy their time with their parents whilst knowing they probably have another 30 odd years with them. It just doesn’t feel like it’s something I should be worrying about now. I know there is no guarantee and people can die at any age. But for me, based on my experience and feelings, I would not have a baby at 50.

@SingleMum11 I judge older fathers as well. But it is not sexist to say in cases where you have an older man and young woman having a baby, it will be the mother doing the childcare.
Fathers matter? In an ideal world. But honestly too many fathers do not do much, especially older ones.
And the rest of your comment is just barmy. I am in my fifties and do not think I am ready to be put out to pasture.

100,000% this.

*’As long as the woman is young…’
*
If a woman of 50 was partnered with a 30yo, sure, but how often do couples like this have babies? It's much more common with the man being the older spouse.

Also, I'd say that accepting 50 is perhaps 'too old' to have a baby doesn't imply any of the other things like being unattractive or being cheated on...

Most women of 50 aren't, but they can still be attractive and be in secure relationships

You literally had an opinion in the paragraph above 😂

You presumably had a husband to pay for you so you could stay at home. Plenty of us don’t have that, or in my case, couldn’t think of anything worse than being home all day and financially dependent.

Ok, so, didn't expect so many responses. Lol! I have adult children. Was in an abusive marriage for years then left when my oldest was around 9. After that I brought them up on my own. It was very difficult in many ways, but I just want to clarify, I have never regretted them for a second, just wish life had worked differently, for them mostly. I loved being a mum. Years later I met a lovely man, everything I had hoped for, (mostly, lol) kind, loving, respectful, and after being together for a couple of years we tried to get pregnant, I was in my 40's by this point. Tried for years and it didn't happen so around 48 I decided to give up. But it just doesn't go away. It's always there. And when I see celebrities having babies at my age I think, well if it's ok for them, why's it not ok for me?

I have a grandchild who I love the bones of but it's different. I should add that I would never, ever expect any child to provide care for me in old age. Ever. So I guess I posted just to see others opinions, if there was many of us out there. Seems not! Lol!

Fine - as long as the main caregiver parent is young.
99.9% that will be the mum.
I still think old dads should not have had a child, but at least the child has their main caregiver to live a decent number of years.

People like to pretend that most mums and dads do the same amount. In reality it is the mums who do the hard grind of childcare nearly all the time.

@Snowdogsmitten No, actually I made all my own money. I was a bit lucky back in the day, so no need to work now.

Can't see an opinion in the paragraph above?? do you mean who would work if you had lots of money and didn't need to?
Well who would? I honestly can't imagine preferring to send my child to paid care.

Thank you for this post 😊

I do get that you are saying women do most of the child upbringing. But I do think you miss that what you are saying it misogynistic, it lets men off the hook.

You would not judge a man at age 50 but would judge a woman. You wouldn’t judge a man because even though they want to claim the role of father and parent, they wouldn’t really do much parenting. I agree with you many men are a bit lazy, many woman are the main care givers. BUT I wouldn’t use this inequality to further put down a woman age 50 having a child, more than a man.

@Newchapterbeckons I am not going to go into my circumstances but I was absolutely responsible for them, including financially, emotionally and in every other way.

Which if you follow this logic, we should be supporting any woman age 50 having a child. She is the main caregiver, so it’s up to her, her decision, her responsibility in the main.

😂😂

@SingleMum11 it is not fair on the child.
I mean people can have children without my permission. But I would judge them.
Having a baby is fine at 50, having teenagers in your sixties is a different ball game. The generation gap is too large and the risk of ill health or death young is too high.

If a woman naturally has a baby at 50 the chances are she will live a long life expectancy. But the numbers of women who do this naturally are in single figures each year. Women over fifty who are mothers have nearly always had fertility treatment, often with a donated egg. That is because their bodies are no longer young enough to have a baby naturally.

Sure.