Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

I would only use childcare for work, not a nanny to parent my children.

I'm 50 and absolutely not. I feel sick at the thought.

Come on OP, what do you think?

It’s incredibly selfish. My parents were older when they had me. I’m only mid 30s now and it’s heartbreaking knowing they’ll probably die within the next decade

No. My SIL had a baby at 47 and then went through menopause at 50 with night sweats, anxiety and a toddler that didn't sleep. They were both pretty miserable in the early years but luckily the child is very easy going nowadays.

@StormySam Similar happened to two people I know, one was 45, the other 47. Ironically the first had previously experienced fertility problems so just assumed that she couldn’t get pregnant without intervention. It’s been exhausting for both of them, but they both have healthy children. 😀

@kingtamponthefurred

You can't be serious? hired help is never as good as a loving parent. You would prefer to pay someone than look after your own child? 🤯
I have so many happy memories of looking after my children, now they are older I still smile at all the things we did, all the fantastic fun we had, the stupid or silly things they said. The long lovely summers, carefree and easy.
I could have gone to work, but I doubt I would be enjoying those memories as much.
There's a mum local to me and her toddlers are very whiney, it's amusing watching the arguments over wearing a hat, the drama when one steals the best puddle for splashing in. Frankly they can be quite ridiculous and it makes me misty eyed at those fabulous days when finding a caterpillar is the most exciting thing ever and you watch their world open up, as every little thing is amazing!

How has this deteriorated into a fight between SAHMs and WOHMS? And an "I am the best mum" competition.

Anyway, OP hasn't returned; wonder what she thinks.

No no no no no 😊. I wouldn’t have a baby at 40 let alone 50. I’m 52 now and no way would I cope with being pregnant.

I was post menopause by 46 anyway!

I went back at 6 months both times, I have great memories of their early childhoods. Us working mothers do nature walks, baking and bike rides too you know !

Really? To the point where you wish you'd never been born (which is usually the alternative when it comes to older parents - it isn't a lifestyle choice for many)? It's heartbreaking losing a parent at any age so what makes you think it would be so much better when you are 40s or 50s?

You can adequately provide for a child financially without requiring an army of Nannies et al. You said you/others should go ahead with a baby after 50 without checking your privilege and own life experience. You haven’t even reached early adulthood or life stage with one child yet, so I am wondering how you would even know how it feels?

I hope you are damn well more self aware in RL than you are on here, because surely that it is a pre requisite for your role. I work in a similar field, and I find my work very humbling. Money though does not and never will equal good parenting. Some of the best parents I have ever met were those without huge amounts of resources and support.

Oh give over. I never had "armies" of nannies, how emotive! Like many children my son has had a number of carers/tutors over his 14 years, to augment family care and educational arrangements.

You make assumptions. I have in fact twice "reached adult life stage", my stepdaughters are in their late 20s/early 30s now, and DH and I together brought them both up from childhood. They are now high-achieving professional women (one has just qualified as a doctor) and we are a close family.

You have no idea what I do and do not need money for (I have no intention of discussing my financial circumstances in detail, but they are complicated), but don't assume that I have pursued my career only for financial reasons. Very far from it. But for me to achieve in it some childcare was necessary, of course, and that has to budgeted for and paid. Not exactly an unusual situation.

I never said you cannot be a good parent without lots of money. I said that my parenting decisions (and my age) did not make me a bad parent, it's a very different thing.

Mother of fuck NO! I think anyone having a child over 30 is mental.

@MotherofGorgons If that's aimed at me...it hasn't, everyone has to make their own choices, that might be financial or it might be for sanity.

But choosing to pay someone when you don't have to? why have children if you don't want to look after them?

I was very privileged in not needing to work, but I didn't and don't have an opinion on what others do. I can't imagine many people who had the funds to stop work, would think, oh no, I'd prefer to pay someone else to do this...can you?

Oh dear god that "why have children if you don't want to look after them..." shit.

The 18th century called, it wants its attitudes back....

@Neurodiversitydoctor

Of course I know that, but if you had won the lottery when child one was 5 months...would you have gone back?

I was responding to the PP comment.. That she would never look after her own children if she could pay someone else.

My choice was baby in 40s or no baby (totally inappropriate first marriage for having a baby in, and then multiple pregnancy losses over a number of years). I believe I made the right choice.

@theDudesmummy
Did you read what I was responding to?

If you didn't need to work, would you have preferred paid child care?

Or did you just jump...?

I had a baby at 41. Didn’t meet my husband until early 30s and then struggled with multiple miscarriages. Back then though I still felt exactly the same as I did at 31 and I was no more knackered than any of the rest of my NCT group who were early to mid 30s. Now at 51 I am exhausted and fed up with the daily grind and definitely have less energy. And that’s despite exercising 5 days a week and no real health issues and not having hit menopause yet. So in my personal circumstances I absolutely would not have a baby at 50. The thought makes me shudder.
However had I not had a child yet, and was still capable of conceiving naturally I might still be considering it. Who knows? My own cut off kept getting older the longer we went without a baby. I like to think I wouldn’t still be trying . My personal red line was that I wouldn’t use fertility treatment. I felt that if I could still conceive and carry a healthy child that I was not yet too old.

I wouldn’t personally no.

But maybe if I hadn’t already had children in my 30s, and had money for some help, I would. I don’t know!

This is like how I look back on life at school with misty eyes when all I ever said was I can’t wait to grow up.

It’s funny how time makes you forget the shitty nappies, temper tantrums, sleepless nights and crying on the toilet just to get a little peace 😂

God I hope I look back and only remember the nature trails!

No. Had my second at 33. I think anything after 35 would be extremely hard imo.

Can't imagine many people who had the funds to stop work, would think, oh no, I'd prefer to pay someone else to do this...can you?

Yes, I can, actually.

Because dealing with the loss of a parent or in my case, for example being responsible financially for an ill parent is extremely hard when you have little kids to support too. If this happens when your kids have left the nest you'll have both more time and financial resources.

No it's selfish