Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

Yes I would, women are often living into their eighties and nineties. If my child was 40 when I died I would see that as a decent time. So I don’t get the ‘poor child’ comments. I know plenty of women in their forties and fifties who are far fitter and healthier than women in their thirties.

I myself am overweight and unfit and in my late thirties with two kids. I have no desire for more but if I fitted the OP’s description and didn’t have kids but wanted them then absolutely I would.

My dad had me at 58; he lived until 84 despite poor health and obviously because he was so old when he had me, even though he lived to a reasonable age I was only in my 20's when I lost him. Despite this, I think even though I was young, I have processed his passing well as he didn't die prematurely or unexpectedly.

My dad was 49 when he had me and died unexpectedly when I was 17. He’d always seemed quite old to me, he was mistaken for my grandfather a lot, but as I got older and especially now I am only a few years off his age when he died, I realise it wasn’t old at all.

Personally and same with most of my friends early 40s are still fine. 47 ish onwards you start to notice it. Physically and mentally. I genuinely wouldn’t have the patience for a toddler now. Your lovely mumsy caring hormones drain away.

Hell no! I doubt my body would take it, let alone the sleepless nights etc.

It's birthing your own carers, that's of course if they want to become your carer! General UK health is appalling at the moment too.

@Newchapterbeckons never heard of a breast pump? I was not "climbing the career ladder" by the time he was born, though, I had been a consultant for over 10 years, and had a lot of autonomy over my timetable, I saw plenty of my son (and I also worked from home for part of the week, long before the pandemic).

Please don't waste your energy being sorry for my son, he has not been "stuck with people paid to look after him". What a weird description. Are you fundamentally opposed to people having childcare outside the family? Like many many children he has had paid carers alongside his loving family (which includes his dad, who is freelance and makes his own hours so is always available when needed, and two doting older sisters).

I also object to being called "elderly"! My mother is in her eighties, I think she might finally just consent to be being called elderly! And my husband, as I said, is much younger than me. He just is not the type to run about playing sports, never was, nothing to do with age. (I am the one who goes to our son's rugby matches now!)

As is mental health. Don’t forget the child will need to be supported financially too, so it could mean many more years of god damn work. Where is the upside exactly?

T'aint that the truth

Surely it's the sort of age you might wish for a DGC. I didn't get a DGC until I was 52 but I'd secretly hoped for one for a couple of years before I got one.

It’s not the childcare that’s the problem, but your choice to never do anything that didn’t suit you. You talk about a fleet of nannies, tutors to raise your son but seem gloriously unaware that most women embarking on late motherhood will not have the resources you have to lessen the impact on their bodies, lives and children.

Your privilege prevents you from seeing the whole picture.

Your privilege allows you to cherry pick parenting which won’t be a realistic option for most.

I have friends like you that check in but mostly check out of the tough stuff not registering or caring about the impact on their children.

Is your SIL a midwife ? Are there really women in their fifties having babies ??!!!

No! I don't want to be 62/63 when they have their bat/bar mitzvah!!

Absolutely none that I can see. I didn't type that as a good thing... See the brilliant thread on supporting elderly parents and how awful it is. Makes MH far worse for the family carers involved.

I should have made it more clear I agree with you.

Can I just say - lot sof people saying - you can't know the awfulness of infertility and yes of course I would if I could, and if you have kids you can't understand it.

I have every sympathy with someone who desperately wants children and hasn't been able to have them.

On the other hand, I am 56 and have a dd who is 16. So while I cannot know the agony of wanting a child, I can 100% know the cost and the effort required ot bring up children. That dd is my youngest of 3.
Those of us who have kids are saying no, not because we sit on the privilege of having kids but because we know exactly how much it takes, and while most 50 year olds could manage, that is just the beginning. I still parent my older two aged 21 and 18, and having a baby aged 50 means I would be doing that aged 70. I have seen in my own (fit healthy and young at heart) parents how much they age at that point. There is a huge difference between 60 and 70. And I am now supporting elderly parents (now in 80s) alongside teens. I cannot imagine how hard that would be alongside toddlers.

I said in an earlier post that yes, I could imagine having a 6 year old (so born at my 50) but it would come at a cost, and the bulk of that cost is to the child. So no, I would not choose to have a child at age 50, because I know exactly how much time and effort it takes to parent well for 20 years.

I also think that people are naive about assuming that a baby is healthy and NT. Even with donor eggs etc many, many kids have additional needs and bringing up a child with additional needs requires so much more. My 16 year old dd has just been diagnosed with autism. Parenting her has been much more challenging and exhausting than my older two.

Most people don’t have the ideal set of circumstances to have a child, increased age is no better or worse than many of them. If you have a child in your mid 30s you’re likely to be requiring their care at the worst point when they also have their own children to care for. Personally I wouldn’t consider a child in 40s or 50s because it’s not right for me but if it is for others go ahead. I’m guessing if I’d never had children I would be a lot less knackered and financially better off and potentially would feel more positive about parenting later on in life!

I haven’t read any of the replies. I’m just replying to the original question/post. My parents were 50 when they had me and both of them died. They were very healthy, active etc.

• No I wouldn’t have a baby at 50.

No. I would adopt though. Plenty of beautiful children in need of homes so if i was over the age of 45 I would adopt Or Foster.

I also can not bear the dumb narrative that unless we are living life like we are 21 then we are somehow failing!

At this point I AM bloody knackered. And with good reason. I make no apologies for it either.

I have poured my energies into my children, career, education and travels for five decades. We are not somehow faulty because we can’t stand the idea of being embroiled in more demanding child care when we have just arrived at the glorious end game.

I can’t stand the idea that we have to prefix everything with a long list of everything we do ie hiking, rowing, partying, CEO before we can say it’s not for me at this ripe age.

Your view of adoption appears to be somewhat rose tinted.

God no

@Newchapterbeckons you missed the part where the OP said "would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially". I could (well, not at quite 50) and I did. No-one, least of all me, is arguing I was not in a privileged position in having this ability to provide. The premise of this position was part of the question. I am absolutely privileged. I also know my limitations and if I had thought I was going to be caring for a child 24/7, I would not have had a child, it would have been a disaster (and I don't just mean financially).

My job involves intense dealings with many extremely socially disadvantaged people, including parents (and including older parents), don't speak to me about not understanding privilege and lack thereof. I do also take exception to your insinuation about my not caring about the impact of things on my children (would you say that to a father who was not suited to going to playgroups?) I know a great deal about child development. Being taken to Gymboree by a wonderful nanny, rather than me decreasing my income to do the same thing extremely badly was absolutely in my son's interests, believe me.

Got to go to work now!

Not if you were late 30s when you had your own DC!

No, I’d never consider this. My parents were a decade older than those of my peers. I’ve felt it all through my life. I can’t see any advantage of it for the children.

I would say they aren't very fit then.