Would you have a baby at 50?

[pumpkinpatch6]

Off the back of the "Do you regret having a baby at 40" thread, would you have a child at 50 assuming you can provide for it emotionally and financially? Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

@KimberleyClark @bobomomo yes sorry I did - multitasking

Lots of people of all ages, in all kinds of situations think that they "deserve" children. Many cannot provide an optimal situation for upbringing, or even close to it (poverty, very large family, health issues, disability, world events like war and displacement etc etc), but no-one goes after them the way they go after older mothers. If a refugee mother living in a camp has a baby are you going to criticise her? No, of course not, you will be supportive of her rights.

My mother at 50 was a trooper as she is now at 70.

I had dd at 42 and I would happily have another at 50 if I could afford it l, but 8 simply can't.

So if you didn’t do any actual parenting and it was all done by hired help - how on earth can you possibly say how difficult or otherwise this would be for women that can not afford an army of hired help??

And whilst I didn’t love every aspect playing and socialising with my dc, I did it anyway because I love them, you sound very selfish and removed from the reality of actual parenting much less doing so into older age!

Nooooo not for me personally!
I've had babies at 30 and 32 and felt much older at 32 already! Would love one more in a year or two but then I'm done! Definitely done by late 30s.

No. Totally unfair on the child.

@emilysquest Yes, I know that it could have all been outsourced, but that wasn't my idea of being a mother. We are all different and I wanted to be hands on.
Now I enjoy not having small people needing me every moment of the day.

It's not a judgment on your choices.

I guess you could ask people with older parents whether they would rather not have been born at all than be born to older parents?

I think that it would have been great to have met someone when I was in my 20s and had a family then. But that didn't happen. Life is like that.

We got together and married when I was 40 and it took some years to have children; my husband didn't want to do IVF, so we went with the flow. I was delighted to have 2 children, in the end.

I think I am much more chilled with a lot of the teenage issues than I would have been when I was younger. The children seem happy and they are doing well at school.

The other thing with medical risks, is that although the overall risk of some complications is a bit higher for mother and baby, if the mother is older, those risks are still very much less than 50%.

So by far the majority of mums will be okay in pregnancy, even if a bit older, and by far the majority of babies will not have a chromosomal abnormality. It is true that there will be a higher risk overall though.

No. Looking after our grandchild for one day a week is tiring enough!

Not in a million years.

I had DD at 43 and that's pushing it. It wasn't the early years - they were absolutely fine. Its more being early 60's when they are late teens that's the challenge.

@Newchapterbeckons I never said I didn't do any parenting, I did tons. Just not the going to the park, baking cookies part. There are different types of parents. (Not all fathers are expected to do those things, especially if they have a demanding career!) I loved and still love being a mother (I am also a stepmother to two amazing adult women who I brought up from when they were small children, I don't think they would be critical of my parenting even though I didn't stay at home with them at any point).

God no. Definitely not. And I would urge others to not, unless they so very desperately wanted to and had been unable to conceive before then.

No fucking way. The lack of sleep would crucify me now. Not to mention the toddler years - I'm 54 now and no way would I cope with that, along with teenage years in my 60s. Plus poor kids faced with the real possibility of losing a parent or having caring responsibilities when they themselves are only just starting out in life. I think it's selfish. And yes it's easy to say when you've had kids, but it's also very easy to view parenting and child-rearing with rose tinted glasses when you've not been through it. Parenting is hard work physically and emotionally and taking that on at 50 would be utter madness, imo.

My mum was the youngest of 10, born when my gran was 49.

@Gunnersforthecup thanks for that, somewhat like my situation. My first marriage was absolutely an inappropriate situation into which to bring children for many reasons.

@emilysquest nobody is being critical of you working.
Lots of dads do very little parenting.
If you mean you just talked and played with your children a tiny bit each day, then yes you largely opted out of parenting as a lot of dads do.

Obviously medical assistance would be needed.

Not obviously, unless you mean the sort of standard medical assistance most women have either in hospital or otherwise.

Not me personally but I already have children. But if I didn't have them, and wanted children, absolutely. I know lots of mums who had their 2nd and even 3rd kid when they were 50/51!

Yes, you may be more tired but many might find that by the time the child is 10-15 years old at 60/65 you'll have stepped down from work and you will have much more time (and, likely, patience).

I also think that those I've met who did have children later are very young at heart and seem much younger. Keep thinking it's because having kids keeps you active/young.

@Gunnersforthecup I guess you could ask people with older parents whether they would rather not have been born at all than be born to older parents?
I think this is key - I was the child of older parents who both died when I was in my 20s. It was tough, but loosing a parent is always tough at any age, and some of my friends have had it far tougher. I would rather have had my older, good parents than younger crap ones. People always seem to assume that younger parents are all filled with energy and fully engaged - obviously some are but many aren't.

@onceinabluemoon2 you will have to be very well off to step down or retire at 60/65 with teenage children. It is much more likely that you will have to continue working beyond state pension age.

100% no

Not fair on child

I do think this is part of our selfish generation where if people want something, they think they should have it.

To be a good parent for 20 solid years plus takes stamina, energy, patience and persistence. It should never be undertaken lightly or underestimated. Until you have done this from start to finish at least once and are heading into your fifties no one can possibly explain what a huge, life long undertaking it is to do it properly.

Anyone can pop out a child and contribute very little to their emotional well being, education and social development. To offer a secure, supportive deep relationship that goes the distance the foundations are paramount. It is for the same reason athletes retire etc because our bodies age, our cells are dying, our memories and minds are not as sharp as they once were.

The intensity of child rearing increases not decreases into the teenage years.

Absolutely not - The health risks to child, unless a young egg and sperm were used by donors.
Even then- The thought of a teenager in one’s Sixties- Nope!

No. Having a baby at 50 would be awful. It's a time in life when you relish your freedom.