To think it's odd my husband didn't eat the roast meat because my dad had touched it

[LaviniaLee]

Just before Christmas, my husband and I went to visit my family for the weekend, for an early-christmas celebration. My sister did a big roast for us (for my parents, siblings & families).

The meat was a lovely roast lamb. My dad was helping by carving the meat. He put his hand on the skin of the joint and carved. So he had touched the edges of the meat.

My husband loves meat but he didn't take any of it. When I asked him later, he said it was because he didn't think my dad had clean hands, because he once heard him (at a different time) flush the loo and come out quickly, and he suspected that he hadn't washed his hands. So now his general assumption is that my dad doesn't have clean hands.

AIBU to think it's odd that my husband didn't eat the meat for this reason? (given he normally loves it).

If I knew that a person had just been to the bathroom, handled their penis and not washed their hands before touching my food, I wouldn’t eat it either. However it doesn’t sound like your father had went to the bathroom on this occasion - though I suppose it doesn’t preclude him from having gone to the bathroom earlier in the day.

People will always have different sanitary standards than you. If your DH was put off his food because of your father’s lack of hygiene that’s not weird, it’s human.

I’ve never touched meat when carving it. Always used a fork.

I’m actually the opposite - I guess because I can control my own home more successfully and also spend more time there. The balance of the time I take a deep breath and live more dangerously! But then I quite like eating out/ visiting so I really have to take this approach if I’m ever to be invited back/ not go round the bend with anxiety. I can’t think when it’s got me ill. I’ve not had anything make me vomit for decades. Then again I would avoid something I knew to be a problem and actually witnessed.

It's a bit germ obsessed, sure. Bit random that you've decided to ask everyone on the internet a month later though.

This is not OCD ffs. It's a preference for basic hygiene to avoid the spread of vomiting bugs etc. My youngest has contamination OCD. It is a bloody sight more complex than just wanting to eat food prepared by someone with clean hands. If the OP's DH had OCD, believe me, she wouldn't be posting here.

Yay! Peak Mumsnet. All men are vile. And it only took about 20 posts to get there. A new record?

I wouldn't have eaten that meat either. I use a fork stabbed into the meat to hold it still while I cut it. I cannot imagine putting my whole hand palm down on a joint of meat and I can imagine thinking if someone touches their penis and doesn't wash their hands and puts their whole hand over cooked meat, yeah they ain't got clean hands.

Out of interest, did your dad wash his hands AFTER touching the meat?

It's pretty likely that DF had washed his hands at some point between using the toilet some months earlier and carving the meat.

It is an unhealthy level of anxiety to sanitise hands multiple times through a meal, and to refuse to eat food because of something someone may have done a few months earlier.

Our immune systems need constant updating with stimulus to function. It's not healthy or realistic for people to attempt to eradicate any exposure to germs. Yes I wash my hands before preparing food for others, and at appropriate points through the process, but it would take me a lot to query other peoples' hygiene practices, and certainly more than an out of context doubt.

Surely lots of people touch roast meat when they carve and serve it? In cafes, the staff have to touch your food to make a sandwich, for example.

I’ve usually seen them wearing gloves though due to food and safety standards, tbh.

I use a fork and knife sometimes a fork and kitchen scissors because it’s too hot to touch when I’m cooking and I don’t want the juices and grease on my hands anyway. I wash my hands several times throughout the process of cooking especially when handling meat, not wanting to cross-contaminate.

This

yuck, just no

Dont touch my food with your dirty hands, theres just no need

Many years ago, I worked as a H&S officer for a large organisation (nationwide) one of the offices had a H&S company in to do some work and as part of it they tested the cleanliness of the water and did bacteria counts across the office. The kitchen worktop showed fecal matter present through people not washing their hands. 🤢 From that day I wiped the office kitchen tops and all the drawer & microwave handles several times a day. There were over 200 people working in the office block so just imagine what was on door handles, desk tops etc

DH obviously has issues with germs if he's using sanitiser repeatedly, during a meal.

However, it's hardly outside the realms of normal to wash your hands before eating.

If he's aware your DF didn't wash his hands after using the loo, it's very unlikely that the one time he didn't wash, is the time your DH noticed. Far more likely that he habitually doesn't wash his hands. (why the hell anyone would choose to wash their hands then touch the flush is beyond me, and I'd not consider hands clean after touching the flush either)

Why did your DF have his hand on the meat anyway - didn't he burn himself?! - no, that's not normal. You use a carving or eating fork to steady it. Slapping your hand down on what everyone else is going to eat is a bit grim because it's completely unnecessary.

Add to that that your DH thinks he has evidence that your DFs hands are habitually not washed after the loo, then I think it's entirely reasonable of him not to want to eat a side of e coli with his lamb.

Actually, I think it's weird that you think he's the unusual one, not your DF!

Unhinged is a horrible thing to say. I have anxiety and for a long time couldn't eat food if someone had touched it as I was scared of catching something from them (covid fear really didn't help with this).

Anxiety doesn't make you unhinged. Watch what you're saying for goodness sake.

The OP's DH is carrying round bottles of sanitiser and sanitising his hands during a meal. That is not "normal" levels of concern about germs. The fact that he is clearly hyper vigilant about germs and food also means that his perception of other people's cleanliness (or lack of it) is probably skewed. He suspects that the OP's father doesn't wash his hands after going to the loo based on his own obsession with cleaning and germs and does not have any proof to back this up.

The person with issues here is not the father who may or may not be washing his hands. It's the DH.

If he's aware your DF didn't wash his hands after using the loo, it's very unlikely that the one time he didn't wash, is the time your DH noticed

DH is not “aware” though is he. He wasn’t in the loo with DF at the time, he didn’t have a stopwatch and the claim about DF is simply the inference of someone in the grip of anxiety about germs rather than any factual observed phenomenon.

Xpost - exactly.

I would take DH’s anxious toilet monitoring with a pinch of salt in the circumstances.

Can't believe some of the people one here thinking your DH is the odd one?!

If I believed your DF had come out of the toilet without washing his hands I'd barely be touching a doorhandle in their house. Wiping his shitty arse then coming through to fondle the dinner... 😷😷😷

That said, while I think the OP's DH is being a bit of a drama queen, I think it is a bit strange to hold the meat with your hand while you carve, even if your hands are clean. I don't think it would be unreasonable for some to ask the dad to use a fork to hold the joint steady.

Like I said, it would never occur to me not to eat the meat, but I would also never handle the meat while carving it in front of guests.

You should always wash your hands before touching food, especially food that's to be served to others.

I see this thread is full of people normalising OCD and pretending paranoid and irrational fears are just 'hygienic'. Standard morning on Mumsnet, then.

OP, your husband has a problem.

Yep.

All you people who think it's weird to touch food with you hands... you don't seriously think that in a professional kitchen, the chefs are only using utensils to touch your food, do you? It's absolutely 100% normal for chefs to use their hands to arrange your food on the plate and to touch food after it's cooked. Have you never seen chefs plating up food in a restaurant with an open kitchen?! It's not 'mucky'. It's completely standard.

Your Dad should have used a fork.

Only read page 1 but the thought occurs: who puts their hands on freshly-cooked meat? Forks exist, people!