To think it's odd my husband didn't eat the roast meat because my dad had touched it

[LaviniaLee]

Just before Christmas, my husband and I went to visit my family for the weekend, for an early-christmas celebration. My sister did a big roast for us (for my parents, siblings & families).

The meat was a lovely roast lamb. My dad was helping by carving the meat. He put his hand on the skin of the joint and carved. So he had touched the edges of the meat.

My husband loves meat but he didn't take any of it. When I asked him later, he said it was because he didn't think my dad had clean hands, because he once heard him (at a different time) flush the loo and come out quickly, and he suspected that he hadn't washed his hands. So now his general assumption is that my dad doesn't have clean hands.

AIBU to think it's odd that my husband didn't eat the meat for this reason? (given he normally loves it).

"Willy fingers!"😆 such good descriptor for non hand washers!!

@LaviniaLee He comes from an old-school background and also carries round a hanky in his pocket.
Oh god. Snot hands and penis fingers. This is getting worse. Your dad would ick me out

Surely lots of people touch roast meat when they carve and serve it? In cafes, the staff have to touch your food to make a sandwich, for example.

No. We use a carving set which includes a knife and a fork. I can't say I have ever seen anyone hold the meat with their hands. It's hot for one thing

Put it this way, I wouldn't go round your dad's house for Coq au vin, OP.

Spend bit longer in public toilets. This will be self reported survey. I carried hand gel well before covid exactly because way too many people don't have hygiene standards.
Rinsing hand for 5 seconda under cold wayer does nothing

My pet peeve are those public toilets with handles you need to pull to exit. I get this.

My FIL will use a spoon to take out jam/honey, lick it clean, and then put it back in the jar.

Oh god I had this loads as a kid. I know my dad didn’t wash his hands after a wee as he never closed the bathroom door (you’d go in after and not flushed and a cigarette end in there) so assume he probably didn’t after a number two. Perhaps the worms were linked.

Oh my god yes. I do not want to touch them. Should be the other way around

Do any of you ever eat out? You think chefs never touch your food with their bare hands?

I'm with your DH. If I knew for a fact that someone had come out of the toilet without washing their hands, it would stick in my mind. There are plenty of occasions I would overlook, even though I'm fussy myself, but not after using a toilet. That's very basic hygiene, the minimum you would expect.

I wouldn't have either.

Novovirus is increasing:
https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/national-norovirus-and-rotavirus-surveillance-reports-2023-to-2024-season/national-norovirus-and-rotavirus-report-week-1-report-data-up-to-week-51-24-december-2023

Handwashing can stop the spread of novovirus:

https://ukhsa.blog.gov.uk/2022/11/17/norovirus-what-to-do-if-you-catch-it-and-helping-to-stop-the-spread/

Yes but you don't see that so it's easier to forget/ignore than when you've seen someone's dodgy hygiene practices in person.

A few years back, I watched my mum handle raw sausages, rinse her fingers under the tap, then wipe them on the communal hand towel. I confess I was quite shocked as I am fanatical about hand washing, but still use communal hand towels. I concluded that, as we didn’t spend our childhoods with continual or even frequent stomach upsets, that probably the risks from this behaviour were much lower than my emetphobe brain were telling me.

In public spaces, I still wash my hands very thoroughly indeed and use my sleeves or clothing to navigate my way out of public toilets to reduce the risk of picking up norovirus, but in the home (including in laws, when I had them) not so much. Those are risks I’ve lived with my whole life and though they must increase the risks to some extent, it’s not significant enough to stop me eating something I enjoy.

So OP, if you’re still reading, I can kind of understand your husband getting the ick and avoiding it, but it’s probably not that logical, especially if he’s eaten meat your dad has carved many times before as your dad’s habits haven’t changed.

This. I don’t like the thought and am fairly careful myself, but if I backed off eating every time I couldn’t be certain ( which is all it was here) that someone hadn’t possibly touched my food with less than clean hands I’d turn into a nervous (and socially irritating) wreck. I hate thinking about those little tea towels chefs have tucked in the waist of their apron that they keep wiping, wiping on. So I don’t, because I like eating out and can’t stand in the kitchen supervising. And when dining at a friend’s, you can never be certain who touched what. Cheese platters often get a couple of fingers on the rind to steady them when cutting a chunk off, then back in the fridge for next time. In this circumstance I’d have just removed a very thin slither of the outer skin of the lamb and got on with it.

I’m with your DH. Unless your dad washed his hands immediately before doing the food then he shouldn’t be touching food. Even if he washed his hands and walked around the house for a bit he still needs to wash his hands before handing food. Grim.

Team DH here.

I was dubious eating FIL's Xmas turkey this year.
Last year he scraped the carcus bare with his hands, dropped some on the dirty lino, scooped it up and ate it. I was nearly heaving.
SIL bought them some lovely hand wash to go by the sink. One year later it's still full.
I'm with your DH.

But I have never witnessed the chef leaving the toilet without washing their hands. And I can't ask, so I have to just assume they care about hygiene, at least in a professional capacity. People touch food when they're cooking, including me. That isn't the issue.

This sounds like me, esp the sleeves in public loos! ( a short strip of toilet tissue to open the door can be useful!) But it’s just as you say: getting ill from it is pretty rare and you have to find a way to function without your phobias impacting on everyone around. I’m a bit more demanding in my own home with immediate family members, but would just go with the flow at ILs unless I actually witnessed them removing something caught on dog’s bum then slicing the loaf of bread for example. What the eye doesn’t see the heart shouldn’t grieve over as they say.

Haven’t read all posts so guess many have said the same , but do you / he ever eat out ?
ever eaten pre packaged food ? Buy a meal deal sandwich? I’d just roll my eyes at this and truly hope he’s never in a situation where just having food is a win .

Ops dh may have ocd. But seriously who’s wants penis hand meat. I wouldn’t.

The amount of men who don’t wash hands, is grim. Just wondering around shaking hands and what not after holding their penises or the quick hand down and scratch or displacement.

But in a cafe or restaurant staff are trained in food hygiene. I think I’m with your husband. I have refused food people have handed to me with their bare hands if I suspect they aren’t too clean.

Yes I agree. And I hate the thought of it. But in a way that’s the point: it’s happening all the time all around us handwashers. To make a sandwich I wash my hands then open the bread bag/ take it out of the paper sleeve, then touch the butter container etc, all of which may just have reinfected my hands because the shelf stacker at the supermarket had just emerged from some nasty business in the loo ( and there so many possibilities at this bit of the story ) without washing his hands then grasped the very loaf of bread I later make my sandwich with. Germs are everywhere and it’s about reducing levels not eradicating. You’ve got to develop some level of tolerance both mentally and in terms of immunity.

Team husband. I try to avoid eating or drinking in the inlaws house. I'm squeamish and their food hygiene is suspect to say the least. Years ago I worried it down out of politeness but my 50s are about trying to suit myself if at all possible ! So I'll go for the biscuits our of the package but not the hand cut stuff.

Also I'm way pickier about stuff outside my own home, it's like there's a 'safety' in my own kitchen. I've been like that since a kid