AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

[13umpuu]

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

Well I mean she could private message them couldn’t she? 😒

Try not to take it to heart. The person who made the comment was playing a part. They may have decided - for whatever reason, e.g., because they have faced hostility from audience members in the past - that their character has a rather acidic personality, and speaks her mind rather too much.

Their character inhabits a world where make-up and hair is styled to a very high degree. Even the most beautiful simple/natural hair style wouldn't fit with the drag aesthetic, which is incredibly artificial (in the original sense that it involves a great deal of artifice - the making of something by art or skill). Styles involving less effort just aren't valued.

I suspect the person playing the role would behave very differently if you met them in real life. The problem here is that you have met them when they're in 'performing mode': at the convention they were still in character, even after they'd finished their song and dance number. When you spoke to them, they responded as if they were still performing. They were playing a character for comedy - and with some success, given that others laughed. You interacted with them as if they were being themselves, still in costume but out of character, but it seems you may have misread the situation (or at least, read it differently from the DQ).

No.

That is horrendous! There is no way that such a comment could ever be considered as funny! I get that drag Queen comedy is catty - BUT there are so many reasons why that comment could cause offence so I don’t understand why the queen would take such a risk in upsetting their fan for such a crap joke?!

Dear Lord above. May I suggest that any of you too frail to cope with a personal remark, humorous to many, but not to the over sensitive, refrain from attending events where this is likely to occur? It's easily done. Don't buy a ticket to go to see them. These events are for adults. Behave like one or stay home.

Its the character. They use catty comments for laughs.

No way would they be horrified if they knew the op was upset. Otherwise what is the point of their bitchy personas?

Men being bitches to women whilst pretending to be women and superior to all real women because they spend hours preening.

Yuck.

Possibly in turn, people too lacking in empathy to accept that people sometimes get hurt feelings about unkind remarks, should perhaps not offer advice to upset people. Not an entirely adult response there.

Sorry mum. Will try to do better.

Drag is based on misogyny and embarrassing women. Why are you surprised this man appropriating and humiliating the very basis womanhood would put you down to get laughs?

The whole drag set up is vile. Maybe you'll reconsider supporting these woman hating men from now on.

You've watched the show, right? Playing up bitchiness for laughs is a huge part of the act. No I wouldn't like it as I can be a bit insecure with people I don't know, but I'd imagine going up to a DQ and chatting to them while they're in character is like sitting in the front row of a stand up gig - you're opening yourself up to becoming part of their act.

@Milange you're describing the 80s

The pearl-clutching has reached a new zenith
Thank goodness for the few rational and reasonable responses

Ah, the age-old misogynistic cry of "can't you take a joke, luv?"

I would never use luv.
Love perhaps, but not luv
Interpret my comment whichever way you want. It just reinforces to those of us who see drag as it is, how daft others are

^This.

@CasperGutman

Try not to take it to heart. The person who made the comment was playing a part. They may have decided - for whatever reason, e.g., because they have faced hostility from audience members in the past - that their character has a rather acidic personality, and speaks her mind rather too much.

Thank you to all who have read my post and have taken the time comment.

I am someone who gets upset easily - we’re all different after all and I’m a sensitive person (and I don’t expect that to change any time soon!) - so for me it has been helpful to read the kind comments and be told to move on - which I needed!

The comment above from CasperGutman (which some others have said too) is helpful. I get it, it is all part of the show… if you support the premise of that show or not

They're drag queens, being a bitch and catty is part of their act, I've had similar before because I like drag acts and some of the stuff them come out with is so insulting but its hysterical - it's not meant to hurt you, its just the act. If you are sensitive its probably best to avoid drag acts in person because I can guarantee they're going to be catty - perhaps stick to watching it on tv? I can understand you being upset if you're a person who does get upset easily and I'm so sorry you did but please try to put it behind you as it isn't personal.

I don't know why anyone would expect anything else from a bunch of narcissistic men.

Glad 😊 to hear that different viewpoints has been insightful and interesting for you to hear too,

I agree it's part of the act ect too @CasperGutman

@cerisepanther73 - yes, hearing all the views posted has been food for thought

(I work FT too, hence not replying much today)

I wouldn't want to attend any show where misogyny was 'part of the act'. It's offensive and unacceptable.

They are brutal - I went to a drag bottomless brunch couple of months ago and they were quite ruthless to a few people.

I got away fairly lightly with a comment to me about having Botox/not being able to move my face which was a little embarrassing however I'd had my reminder about needing a top of Botox 2 months prior to that and was feeling low that I couldn't afford it so took it as a small win that I didn't need any more for some time to come

I wasnt born ‘til the end of the 80’s and last saw drag queens at Christmas…