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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

401 replies

13umpuu · 14/01/2024 22:15

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

OP posts:
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5128gap · 15/01/2024 13:56

quisensoucie · 15/01/2024 12:02

The pearl-clutching has reached a new zenith
Thank goodness for the few rational and reasonable responses

Giggling coyly while a bloke in a wig insults your appearance and talks about the smell of fish, is hardly the height of broad minded non prudery though, is it? You don't need to be wearing and clutching pearls to want a bit more from a day out that some 80s throw back in diamanté insulting you.

TrixieFatell · 15/01/2024 13:58

I've been to drag con. The queens were nothing but lovely and were very kind and sweet. One was saying I should be in the photo with my daughter's and I said I looked a state and was too old and they werent having that. I'd have been upset too.

MySqueeHasBeenSeverelyHarshed · 15/01/2024 14:30

I was at Dragcon as well. I had specific queens I wanted to meet that were nothing less than polite and for the most part very sweet and happy to meet their fans. A few of them were clearly exhausted but still very complimentary.

There are a handful of queens who are known to be rude to fans, sometimes it's because they're having a bad day, sometimes it's because they made a badly judged joke, sometimes it's just who they are and their fans overlook it because it's not directed at them. If it's not been mentioned who it was in the thread (haven't read the whole thing yet, sorry...) I can make a few guesses as to who it was.

rooftopbird · 15/01/2024 16:41

Not specifically a response to OP but I foolishly commented on an Instagram post that my DS7 got upset in a pub last year when a drag queen came over and yelled into his microphone next to us.

I had 33 responses which were utterly batshit!! One of them was a long word salady incoherent post which wildly decided as I am a mother of a a kid who was scared of a DQ I must clearly be a supporter of Epstein and Trump and that 'my kid was an asshole' and what was he doing in a pub etc.

Americans who don't know anything outside of their own state culturally but the extraordinary and very loudly defensive drag queen fans were shocking in their animosity.

swayingpalmtree · 15/01/2024 16:45

5128gap · 15/01/2024 13:56

Giggling coyly while a bloke in a wig insults your appearance and talks about the smell of fish, is hardly the height of broad minded non prudery though, is it? You don't need to be wearing and clutching pearls to want a bit more from a day out that some 80s throw back in diamanté insulting you.

Exactly- thats hardly my idea of "fun" and I am as far from a prude or a pearl clutcher as you can get 😂

peakygold · 15/01/2024 17:11

YABVU just for going to a revolting drag event. That'll teach ya.

peakygold · 15/01/2024 17:16

quisensoucie · 15/01/2024 12:02

The pearl-clutching has reached a new zenith
Thank goodness for the few rational and reasonable responses

"the few" are drag queens, I expect.

CasperGutman · 15/01/2024 17:31

peakygold · 15/01/2024 17:16

"the few" are drag queens, I expect.

Weird response. I'm pretty sure I'm not.

Fionaville · 15/01/2024 17:48

It's a man being rude to a woman, but it's 'hilarious' because he's dressed as a drag queen. It's horrible and unacceptable to me.
I used to admire RuPaul. The skill involved in the make up and wigs etc. I thought Lily Savage was funny too. I still enjoy the absurdity of a pantomime dame.
It's all got a bit much now though and I can see how for lots of drag acts, it's just an excuse to be derogatory towards women. So, I wouldn't go near one of these events. It's horrible that he said that to you, I think for a lot of them though, that's just the nature of the beast.

endinthefrownz · 15/01/2024 18:20

Isn't that what drag is about though.
Men pretending to be catty exaggerated women.

Awful.

BayCityCoaster · 15/01/2024 18:34

I really don’t get why people are getting so defensive of any criticism of drag.

It’s OK to question stuff. I used to think it was brilliant. But then it started to make me uncomfortable, and it was because it feels like men (or, the men who do it) really think we’re so silly that it’s mock-worthy.

One of my absolute all time favourite movies is Some Like it Hot. Obviously it’s not about drag queens, but the story line is based around two men dressed as women.

It’s hilarious. I will always love it, and Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon are comedic geniuses (genii? 🤔).

But. Their entire schtick, while dressed as women, is to depict us as daft, pouting airheads who only care about looking good, clothes, and catching men. It’s demeaning and offensive, really.

That’s not who we are, and it’s a rude wake-up call to think that’s what men see / think of, when they think of women. In a way, I don’t blame them, because they’re saturated by images of pouting, airbrushed women, made up to look beautiful and attractive to the male gaze.

It’s also like …. I shave my legs and wear make-up. But I know it’s not a free choice to do those things. I do them, in large part, because society tells me body hair is just fine on men, but it’s not acceptable on women.

It’s called critical thinking.

Instead of shutting your eyes, singing ‘la, la, la’, putting your fingers in your ears and jumping to the defence of drag queens, just open your mind have a think about it.

You can still enjoy it (just like I still love Some Like it Hot), while also acknowledging the questionable aspects.

And not every single DQ will be a misogynistic arsehole. No doubt many aren’t. It doesn’t alter the fact that the art form is predicated on a group of people picking up the worst stereotypes of another group, and using those to make people laugh.

NoMoreFalafelsForYou · 15/01/2024 18:43

I love watching Drag Race UK, but yeah I'd have felt upset too. Just no need, nasty.
Hope you're OK, try not to let it get to you (easier said than done I know)
It's them that's the problem, not you 💐

Westernesse · 15/01/2024 18:50

NoMoreFalafelsForYou · 15/01/2024 18:43

I love watching Drag Race UK, but yeah I'd have felt upset too. Just no need, nasty.
Hope you're OK, try not to let it get to you (easier said than done I know)
It's them that's the problem, not you 💐

What is it that people like about Drag Race? Genuine question. Nobody has ever been able to explain that to me.

MsMe24 · 15/01/2024 18:50

Unreasonable. I'd have laughed -it's what Drag Queens do, just banter.

NoMoreFalafelsForYou · 15/01/2024 20:05

banter 🙄
What arseholes use to hide behind to be nasty to others.
Always does a lot of heavy lifting, that word.

Bibbidybobbidyroo · 15/01/2024 20:11

NoMoreFalafelsForYou · 15/01/2024 20:05

banter 🙄
What arseholes use to hide behind to be nasty to others.
Always does a lot of heavy lifting, that word.

It’s funny the amount of GC folks who love Ricky Gervais and defend his right to “banter” as long as he’s commenting on the same people you don’t like I guess?

CostelloJones · 15/01/2024 20:15

A - I am really jealous you went to DragCon.. I would love to go one day. I hope apart from this you had a fabulous time 💙

B - I can well imagine a Queen saying this but one thing you have to remember is a lot of people go wanting to be robbed by the queens. In a drag performance there are loads of people thinking “pick me!” to be taken the piss out of.

I am so sorry it upset you. I am sure it wasn’t actually meant nastily at all and it say just landed badly. (I hope this makes sense I’m not the most eloquent)

C - FWIW I met Trixie Mattel once and she told me my most fave shoes were “the ugliest fucking things she’s ever seen” 😂😂😂 slightly gutted but also found it hilarious

NoMoreFalafelsForYou · 15/01/2024 20:17

@Bibbidybobbidyroo
It’s funny the amount of GC folks who love Ricky Gervais and defend his right to “banter” as long as he’s commenting on the same people you don’t like I guess?
Not sure what you mean, I'm not GC?
Agree though if you mean "banter" is OK if it's the like of RIcky G but not when it's a drag queen ,- yeah pretty hypocritical that really!

MsMe24 · 15/01/2024 20:22

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Kalevala · 15/01/2024 20:24

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Huh?

MsMe24 · 15/01/2024 20:24

Why would anyone need to explain to you?

zurala · 15/01/2024 20:25

MsMe24 · 15/01/2024 20:24

Why would anyone need to explain to you?

Would you explain to me? Your comment doesn't seem to make any sense.

MsMe24 · 15/01/2024 20:25

American?

CostelloJones · 15/01/2024 20:26

MsMe24 · 15/01/2024 20:25

American?

I’m British and another person who thinks your sentence makes no sense 👍🏻

MsMe24 · 15/01/2024 20:26

Homophobia makes no sense to me.