AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

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Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

Wow I'd forgotten about those. It was a terrifying experience

I can't believe that you are a fan of drag queens but we're u aware that their routine and persona are often based on faux bitchiness and mocking others!

Genuine question….

You can recognise something is a bit offensive but not particularly care/still find it funny.

The thrust of modern drag seems to be basically “eeewww vaginas are disgusting”, “women are all slags”, “women stink of fish”, and so on.

I struggle to see how drag isn’t misogynistic at its core - whether each individual intends to be or not. I’m sure there are drag artists who only think they’re being funny and don’t see how portraying womanhood as something intrinsically icky is misogynistic.

So is it really a difference in opinion? Can modern drag with all its insinuations about women ever not be misogynistic?

Or is it just that misogynistic entertainment can still be really funny if you don’t think about it too much? ( I can see how this view might be held if you personally know drag artists who aren’t woman haters.)

I know there are some things that I enjoy that are potentially problematic - I can see and recognise the fact but it doesn’t bother me enough to taint my enjoyment (for example - men effectively blocking women from punditry in men’s football).

Im too tired to phrase this very well but hopefully you get the gist. As I said further up, we all pick our hills. There’s no judgement if this isn’t one you want to climb.

Well, what did you expect? Perhaps it has opened your eyes a bit to what this „entertainment“ is actually about.

Sorry this happened to you OP.

Drag is awful. It’s not innocently intentioned, despite what some believe. It’s horrible and similar would not be acceptable in any other facet of life. It represents systemic misogyny and trivialises feminism. There is absolutely nothing funny about it.
How it’s acceptable in 2024 I don’t know.
Oh but I do. Misogyny.

It’s a reflection on them, not you OP. Horrible.

I’m sorry you were upset and there are some individual drag queens who are lovely, but the form itself is inherently misogynistic and given they allow the term “fish” on the show (which I have complained to the BBC about and was dismissed), it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you.

Drag is misogynistic and the whole narrative of drag is mocking and denigrating women. It was originally a means of gay men reclaiming thier power - at the expense of women.

It's no longer one oppressed group mocking another, it's misogyny packaged as entertainment.

If you are a women and go somewhere like that, don't expect to be treated respectfully!

Either laugh it off or re evaluate your choices

Yes, this is drag culture, you being a fan, they probably expected you would be in on that?
I don't even follow drag race, but watch a few of the previous winners in their other ventures and even I now know that is "a read" and a playful mocking banter everyone does to each other within that community?

Exactly.
If you find it funny watching men dressed as women taking the piss out of women , then don’t be offended when they take the piss out of you (a woman).

If you didn’t find it funny, then maybe it’s time to reassess your opinion of drag.

The audience for drag is almost solely women. It is women who have promoted it and accepted it, just as it is women who have promoted and accepted trans ideology to the point that it has gotten wildly out of control and has harmed women. Part of it was to stick two fingers up to men.

when men expressed concern, distaste or dislike for these things they were told they were bigots and then have had to just keep their heads down.

women need to take responsibility for these things. Drag and trans ideology is absolutely rooted in misogyny and hatred of women but women have been its very willing handmaidens for around quarter of a century.

Isn't free speech a wonderful thing! People are able to give their opinion and being the ugly that is drag to the forefront.
Of course, now there are children doing drag, bringing in a whole "new" audience. Get 'em while they're young!🙄

A man in a dress tries to humiliate a woman just out trying to enjoy her evening. I know you dont want a debate OP but come on, are you really surprised. It is misogyny to it's very core and it is not in the least bit entertaining. Sorry he made you feel that way but honestly i wouldnt give him the oxygen to let it bother me ( plus i would never have gone to a drag act in the first place but thats just me!)

You must see the nasty behaviour when you see it on Tv? Watching it just feeds into the misogyny.

Seeing that expo on really depressed me - I hate drag and everything it stands for and it's everywhere.

I'm sorry you got a personal taste of it.
But not surprised.

Misogynist man doing a misogynistic act behaves in a misogynistic way. It’s all funny until it’s directed at you personally isn’t it.

God yes. They terrified me, was always in dread of being picked on! Not so much a fun night out.

It’s not up for debate, or a matter of personal opinion.

Drag is misogynistic.

For some people, that’s not an issue. They find it funny / entertaining, anyway. And - whatever - it’s a free world.

But you can’t just decide it’s not misogynistic, because you enjoy it.

It is misogynistic. Just make your peace with the fact that you find something misogynistic entertaining, and stop trying to persuade the rest of us that night is day, and black is white.

This, in spades.

Catty / rudeness is part of their act, but I can see why you didn’t expect it having been so complimentary.

Bursting into tears was unreasonable or OTT. Do you think, as you’re shy, you might have felt a bit more emotionally charged because you put yourself out there to speak to them? That would explain the tears.

one things for sure- they won’t be thinking about it now and neither should you 🙂

Absolutely this. Not about you but about a man who hates women, belittling a women for laughs. This thread IS about drag in general, whether you like it or not. You’ve just learned a little later than some around here that it’s not ‘just fun’.

It is STILL incredibly rude when coming from a drag queen. Which is why I dislike drag performances!
And it does seem a bit much to insult somebody in a meet and greet sort of setting...

OP: You´re not "just a mum". You´re a mum and and that´s awesome! And I´m sure your natural hair looks fine! :)

It’s amazing how excused misogyny is, isn’t it. Imagine if racist or homophobic comments were used as a ‘bit of banter’ in an act, would anyone be saying ‘oh yes but it’s just part of the culture isn’t it’. Misogyny is the last safe harbour of acceptable abuse in the name of entertainment.

With all due respect I have little interest in explaining myself to you, the same way you don’t owe me an explanation to your point of view. You are entitled to yours and I am entitled to mine.

what I do find unacceptable is the intellectual snobbery and name calling which is running rampant on this thread.

I don't have quite as much of an issue with drag as some and I get the bitchiness being part of the "act" but it does sound like it was uncalled for and I can see why it was upsetting. Directed at another queen, or as part of an act then it's expected but in the context you described, not really on.

The thrust of modern drag seems to be basically “eeewww vaginas are disgusting”, “women are all slags”, “women stink of fish”, and so on.

Beyond possibly Ru Paul’s carry on (which I have never seen), I don’t recognise this characterisation of drag queens at all.

I’ve known/ watched /met a lot over the years on the ‘scene’, and I’ve never known any to be gratuitously insulting, unless it’s in response to unpleasant heckling.

They’re often very self deprecating, do a lot of “where are you from?” “I’m sorry” type jokes, grumble about how hot their wigs are, and imply that they have shagged all the good looking men in the room. Some do a line in “ah, walking boots… the dykes are in tonight” type jokes, but that’s about it.

Mostly they turn up, sing ballads, and bugger off again.

Yes, exactly this.