AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

[13umpuu]

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

PS most gay men I know hate drag!

You say you don't want to hear criticism of drag, but that's drag for you. Dripping in misogyny and contemptuous of women.

Sadly, this is why I don't like shows like that - there seems to be a free pass for being bitchy towards real women.

Misogyny.

Haven't read the full thread. However, I think that there is an element of competition in some of the drag stuff - competition being a very male approach to difference. It is as though the drag artistes are "winning" and being more successful at being female than actual women, by having extraordinary make up, hairstyles or wigs and costumes.

There is an element of putting on your face , getting dressed up and going out, that women can do if they want to; and it is as though this is all that it takes to be a woman and so the drag contingent can win at being women by being better at it than us (and we generally have lots of other stuff going on and possibly a limited appetite for the glamour stuff).

So it sounds as though part of this was being dissed for not satisfying that glamour stereotype as well as the drag guy did, who was being pretty rude.

I think this whole dynamic has got pretty old, to be honest. I'm not really interested in watching men wearing unlikely items pretending they are female, especially if they are being offensive towards women and/or children.

Drag used to punch up against homophobia. Now it punches down on women.

Hard to pinpoint exactly when it switched, but it was around the same time as TRA started having a bit more traction with the 'mainstream'.

To me, Drag is expression, its creativity, rebellion, and non-conformity. It isnt a narrow view of beauty of even femininity. I find that very freeing. There is alot of self acceptance and community.

@Bibbidybobbidyroo
To me, Drag is expression, its creativity, rebellion, and non-conformity. It isnt a narrow view of beauty of even femininity. I find that very freeing. There is alot of self acceptance and community

That's exactly how I see it too

Exactly and that's why I hate drag.

Are you sure drag has changed or have you just discovered transphobia as a way to legitimise your discomfort with it?

Yanbu but at the end of the day it's a dude in a dress, I imagine his natural hair isn't all that. He's just an arsehole. And likely has a pathetic hollow meaningless life that needs to be filled with fakeness and nastiness to get the laughs he so craves. 🙄

There is a lot of self acceptance and community.
Again! "self acceptance and community" for the men at the expense of women.
Can't you find some other form of creativity that doesn't mock women?

Women are part of the gay community too.

Can't you find some other form of creativity that doesn't mock women?

Yet again, not everyone thinks it's mocking. They see it as people expressing themselves.

Read the full thread. I am referring to women.

There is so much repetition here.

You don't have to like Drag, You are allowed to find it crude, or offensive. You can hate it if you want! That is ok! I am sure there is plenty of stuff that I hate that you might love.

You don't have to shut up about it either. God knows there are already a myriad of threads on here already that are anti drag.

That being said, other people, especially women, are allowed to like Drag, There is little point in going round in circles trying to find an answer because their interpretation and beliefs are fundamentally different from yours on how they view it.

This.

I've seen it called womanface.

The double standard is ridiculous.

That being said, other people, especially women, are allowed to like Drag, There is little point in going round in circles trying to find an answer because their interpretation and beliefs are fundamentally different from yours on how they view it
Exactly! It's like some just can't get their heads round the fact not everyone thinks the same as them.

Oh we can all accept people ‘don’t think the same as us’, but most people would call out racism, homophobia, ableism etc if it was being used for disparaging entertainment value. You can absolutely enjoy misogyny as your source of entertainment but it doesn’t stop being misogyny just because you enjoy it and people won’t stop calling it out for what it is just because some chose to pretend it’s not.

Well yeah that's kind of the point of the joke. If OP had come back with "At least I'm not wearing a wig!" that would have been in the spirit and everyone would have laughed. Catty banter is part of a drag queen's performance. It's awful OP was upset by it but it absolutely wasn't a personal remark, just part of the act.

To me, Drag is expression, its creativity, rebellion, and non-conformity. It isnt a narrow view of beauty of even femininity. I find that very freeing. There is a lot of self acceptance and community.

Perfectly put. And women are part of that community too. (Though I suppose I'm therefore a handmaiden or not a 'real woman')

More and more people of all genders and backgrounds are doing drag. People aren't always doing feminine looks. There's drag Kings too. There's also space aliens, ice cream cones, zombies, amorphous blobs, clowns etc etc.

The people who say it's mocking women are severely missing the point.

Are you sure drag has changed or have you just discovered transphobia as a way to legitimise your discomfort with it?

I'm sure drag has changed.

That's why I said what I said.

It's not "womanface" though is it because women don't naturally have faces full of make up and extravagant hair. It's totally unlike blackface where performers are mocking a minority group by imitating something which is inherent to black people, ie their skin colour. It's not a parody of being female, it's a parody of gender stereotypes, subverting the historical perception that gay men are feminine by being performatively hyper-feminine. It also has a historical role as performance being one of the few mediums it was acceptable for men to be gender non-conforming. Admittedly with Drag Race etc its been somewhat divorced from its roots but suggesting it's an equivalent to blackface is an absurb misunderstanding both of what drag is and what it's trying to accomplish and of why blackface is offensive.

I think you need to look up the history of blackface then. As it was never ever considered mocking, in fact it was talked about very much like you do about drag now.
If anything, drag is more openly mocking.
I doubt in 50 years your post will have aged well and I do find it shocking you don't understand the comparison.