To think this may be one red flag too many...

[OrchardBlack]

Posting for traffic.

Been seeing a lovely man for about 3 months. He is kind and thoughtful, has his shit together, sex is good etc.etc.

Last night we went on a night out in London and he ended up shouting at me in the street because I had been talking to a lovely bunch of girls (with him I might add) and getting him involved in the conversation, I'm a sociable person and like meeting new people, but he got in a massive huff about it and it ruined the whole night. I was crying. He was very apologetic and said its his own insecurities (been cheated on). Utterly remorseful today and earlier said his mum would be 'disgusted with my behaviour last night' (?)

Other things that have got me worried -

1. He said he loved me after about 4 weeks. I've not said it back. He says regularly how I've rocked his world, never felt like this before etc etc. Seems v soon.

2. Keeps a list on his phone of all the women he's slept with.

3. Told me an ex he was with 15 years ago or so once called the Police on him during an argument. Said he pulled a fireplace off the wall??

He cried last night when I said I wanted to finish things and it shouldn't be this hard 3 months on. He would be, in his words, absolutely devastated, and practically begged me not to leave him.

SO....AIBU and reading too much into this for what is otherwise a good relationship or should I follow my instinct and accept these are red flags??

YABU - Give him a shot, you're overthinking
YANBU - Run.

ICK

An ex of mine who refused to leave me the fuck alone after things ended, kept sending me updates about his little girl and how much she missed me. Manipulative bastard.

If he doesn't back off, call the non emergency police line and give them his details to lodge a harassment complaint. I had to do that with the bloke mentioned above. I ended up going into a police station to give a statement over Christmas of 2019, because even though he was warned off, he wouldn't listen. I hope it doesn't get to that point with you.

Jesus wept I have come back home and he's left a load of letters, photos (framed) that he's printed out, gifts he's obviously bought/made for me in the last few days, as well as his coat that I always used to wear.

I've put it all back outside and unblocked him before messaging saying 'contact me again and I'll report you for harassment', before blocking again.

I don't know how much clearer I could have been.

Getting a bit nervous.....

To be on the safe side, I would now start making a timeline on a notepad of everything with rough times, dates etc about what is happening. Start it with a brief synopsis of when you started seeing him, what happened and when you finished before moving on to what is happening.

It will make your life easier if you need to go to the police. He is clearly a narcissist, who thinks gaslighting and love bombing will work.

I am so sorry you're going through this. My thoughts are being practical now, for your own sake as you really don't know what he could try next. Scary for you

Urgh, what a nightmare. Hopefully the threat of police will put him off. I had this years and years ago from some random bloke who kept sending flowers to my work and ringing me when I'd made it absolutely clear I was in a relationship and wasn't interested. In the end I got one of the blokes at work to answer my office phone and tell him to stop (in a not very nice way). It worked thankfully. I really hope this is the end of it for you.

Been seeing a lovely man for about 3 months. He is kind and thoughtful, has his shit together

He’s not lovely, he isn’t kind and he doesn’t have his shit together. Nobody who shouts at you in the street for chatting, keeps a list of women he has slept with on his phone and had the police called on him during an argument because of his behaviour is absolutely NONE of those things.

Good advice from @keffie12

Read the thread?

Hope he gets the hint and fades like a bad memory. Not trying to scare you, he sounds fucking nuts hopefully he's back on tinder and leaves you well alone.

He definitely has stalker capabilities. You are right to be nervous. Stay vigilant, keep a log as suggested above, and make sure you are aware of your surroundings when leaving your house and workplace. Perhaps do a Clare's Law to find out what you might be dealing with.

Yikes OP. Thank goodness you have seen what he's like after three months and not wasted any more time on this "lovely bloke". They really do hide in plain sight don't they.

Hopefully you sending that clear message with stop him.

Well done!! Xxxx

Bejaysus!

RUN!!!

👍 Well done

Keep all his messages, texts etc, everything. Including your messages telling him to not contact you.

Hopefully you won't end up needing them but might as well save everything just incase while you can.