To think this may be one red flag too many...

[OrchardBlack]

Posting for traffic.

Been seeing a lovely man for about 3 months. He is kind and thoughtful, has his shit together, sex is good etc.etc.

Last night we went on a night out in London and he ended up shouting at me in the street because I had been talking to a lovely bunch of girls (with him I might add) and getting him involved in the conversation, I'm a sociable person and like meeting new people, but he got in a massive huff about it and it ruined the whole night. I was crying. He was very apologetic and said its his own insecurities (been cheated on). Utterly remorseful today and earlier said his mum would be 'disgusted with my behaviour last night' (?)

Other things that have got me worried -

1. He said he loved me after about 4 weeks. I've not said it back. He says regularly how I've rocked his world, never felt like this before etc etc. Seems v soon.

2. Keeps a list on his phone of all the women he's slept with.

3. Told me an ex he was with 15 years ago or so once called the Police on him during an argument. Said he pulled a fireplace off the wall??

He cried last night when I said I wanted to finish things and it shouldn't be this hard 3 months on. He would be, in his words, absolutely devastated, and practically begged me not to leave him.

SO....AIBU and reading too much into this for what is otherwise a good relationship or should I follow my instinct and accept these are red flags??

YABU - Give him a shot, you're overthinking
YANBU - Run.

He was in state means he was acting to manipulate you op

That poor ex of his is a woman who would probably want to warn you if she could. This is what he’s telling you voluntarily after three months. What the fuck else is there going to be find out about him when he’s not in his ‘aiming to please’ phase. He’s angry and violent and possessive.

RUN A MILE.

Run for the hills

1: lovebombing
2: trophy collecting and hypocrisy (jealous of you talking to women?? But keeping a list of ‘conquests’ like women are fkn animal heads)
3: telling you who he is and what he’s capable of; foreshadowing

then manipulating with “I’ve lost control of you” crocodile tears, hoovering, yikes

well done for noticing and getting out!! You are not too picky pay no mind to whoever says that, you just know your worth and that’s great to see.

Run AWAAAAAAAAAY

I hope that’s the last you hear from him. He sounds a bit unhinged. I think the argument showed you exactly why am ex called the police during an argument. No way I’d hang around for that to happen. Well done for dumping his ass

Get out now

She has!!

Shouting at your in the street is more than enough to end it on its own. And be a no looking back sort of ending.

Ugh. Just had a massive bunch of flowers delivered to my door. I said to the florist delivering them 'noooo I don't want them' and shouted through to my housemate 'he's sent bloody flowers', which florist found most amusing.

The card reads

'I miss you so much.
My heart hurts.
I love you'

🙄
😞

He is abusive. Run and don't look back

What a dick!

In what world beyond badly written by men rom coms do flowers change anyone's mind?

You're well rid.

Thank god you've walked away, there's too many red flags. Enjoy the flowers or throw them out, your choice. He can fuck off.

Leg it, sharpish….more red flags than China…take care

Do you really need to ask?

Love bombing. It's a thing. A manipulative thing.

I'd chop the heads off and send him the stalks. Just to make sure he got the message.

Ohhh I've never done that before! Might be a fun little thing to tick off the bucket list.

I'm not going to reply. It's clear the reason he has done it is to get a response. I've blocked him and he will stay that way.

Ugh.

Very grateful to you all for seeing me through this. 💐 (- the only acceptable flowers in this situation)

You seem quite sensible so I’m sure you don’t need to be told, but just in case… do not communicate with him/acknowledge the flowers at all.

To guys like this, any communication is better than nothing so he’ll carry on trying if he thinks it’ll get any kind of reaction out of you. The best way to get rid of him is to completely ignore him.

Also, be careful and keep your wits about you when out and about, just in case he turns up.

Just finish it. No normal man gets threatened by their partner talking to a group of girls. Definitely trying to manipulate you OP.

FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!

Thank god, well done, OP!
He is clearly a manipulative abuser, and abuse ALWAYS escalates.

Unbelievable there's an idiot on here defending the twat.

OP been there.
I put the flowers into my front garden and left them there. Either someone will take them and make use of them, maybe make someone else happy with them, or he'll see them sitting outside if he's stalking and hopefully get the message.

I've had a stalker for 8 or 9 years now. He still drops things to my parents house. We just leave it out for a stranger to take from the front garden, in London thats pretty quick LOL
I dated my stalker a bit longer than you though, but tbh unhinged is unhinged regardless of the amount of time. Only time I had a break was when he found his next victim girlfriend.
I did the right thing reporting, non mol etc, nothing helped. But at least Clara's Law can help the women he dates as it will be on his file.

Keep strong, do not communicate at allllllllllllll you've said your bit. I hope it all goes well for you. Police told me if they stalk or harass over 5 years it may never stop. Be strong, you've got this.

You’re right - don’t communicate with him over the flowers.

This is slightly different but my former flatmate broke up with her ex who then deliberately sent an Amazon package for himself to our address.

He used to live there but all of his other packages managed to go to his new address and the odd thing was this one was in her name. I think his aim was to make her think it was for her and cause confusion basically . She opened it and closed it again when she saw it was something for him.

A couple of days went by and he must have realised she wasn’t going to call him about it. So he came banging at our door during lockdown shouting the odds demanding she give him the parcel while she was on a work call. He never explained why her name was on it either.

She tried to ignore him at first as she was on a call but he kept ringing our bell. Eventually when the call finished she opened the door quietly gave him the parcel and then closed the door without a word 😂 he never came back! the best thing you can do is not give these type of men any attention.

Watch out when you go out as this type of man may start stalking you.

I'm not trying to frighten you. I'm just doing a forewarned is forearmed.

Gaslighting and love bombing are all reg flags of a narcissist

Stay safe and be on your guard. Hopefully, it will all be over with the flowers. However, he may try to find other ways through friends or work...

Well done for ending things