Are affairs super common?

[User5512]

Every other joke is about 🙄 affairs! Are affairs that common? I thought something like this would be scandalous in my friendship circles, but I heard the other day about a someone I know breaking up with her good friend as she developed feelings for the husband 😳They are 40 ffs !!

They shouldn't be. I was in a group of some really horrible women before and regularly we socialised together until one day at a barbecue after a few drinks they all took the piss out of me for having never been the other woman like its normal. I never socialised with them again and a few years later I have made a couple of lovely friends who are nothing like this. You're better off lonely than in company of people like that Op, subhuman scum have affairs and can't control their romantic emotions like this.

I think there is a hugely wider range of emotions, acting on them, and types of marriage, than many rather naive people think, yes.

I don't think this means "everyone is always having an affair" and honesty is a good guiderail for every area of life. But once you've seen through the slightly odd expectations of lifelong monogamy, the pressure it puts on folks, and the irrationality of the things you're allowed and not allowed to do, there's no going back really.

In my age group it seems to be yes. Out of 5 couples, 3 men had affairs that we know off. All in professional jobs, 2.5 kids, late 30s, men having the affairs. Some stay, some choose the OW, some choose to kick out the men.

Yes. Horrifyingly so.

They’re rife in my (large) workplace, and nobody bats an eyelid.

in theory no, but the chances are majority of people at one point or another have some type of affair, eg emotional, etc

I think the great majority of men would if they had the chance. The number of married men who have hit on me over the years is shocking - while acting totally committed to their partners. And let’s not start on the married men on dating apps which has made it all too easy now.

I don’t think they’re wildly unusual.

Affairs are common! You never think it will happen to you ... until it does. I read all the threads on here about women never/rarely having sex with their husbands. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they have their reasons and in many situations one could hardly blame them! But their naïveté and denial about what lies ahead kills me
You have to accept that no sex will spell the end of most marriages. However the majority of men are too cowardly to end things/end up on their own, so end up having their cake and eating it.

I'm in a hobby group with 5 married people. I'm single.
One woman has had affairs in previous marriages. One man and another woman in the group I've seen touching hands with each other, and that particular man often casts around for female attention. Another man in the hobby group is in an open marriage. And the third man in the hobby group... I don't know anything about his activities either way.

Not where I am, saying that I work in a dominant female environment, most women being 50+ and very few men. There's been no affairs that I no of, no gossip either!

I find it hard. Some of my favourite people had/are having affairs. It makes me really sad. It's like finding out your best friend is a huge racist or loves hunting. You don't expect it, then you have to somehow make peace with knowing that they are that type of person. Then you feel ashamed. Like you are somehow supportive or complicit in their behaviour. Then you look at other people who know and realise that they are all ok with it and it bums you out even more to think you might be the only person who hates it.

Or maybe that is just me. It's a huge headfuck.

This. That’s exactly what I was going to say

I've never been hit on by a married man. Nor would I go near one.
I've never worked where they are rife either.

However, I know lots of females who have had affairs with married men or men with partners.

@ILove2024Already

Jeeze that's a shocking experience!

Yes, think I remember seeing somewhere that something like 10% of births, father isn't actually the biological dad.

What’s your point - that only scarlet females hit on married men? Married men don’t hit on women, because that’s your experience?

My experience is that they are fairly common. I once worked in an office where affairs were really common. At least twice a year someone would be splitting with their long term partners and getting with someone at work.

Where I work now, it’s less common and would be a huge scandal. But outside work I have seen it again and again in social circles. Such a friendship groups, hobby groups

I am of the opinion that women do it nearly as much as men. However, women seem to be less inclined to leave and much better at hiding it. And when they are found out it’s kept much quieter. I also think the when a woman is having an affair with a man, the man is much less likely to get pissed off and tell the husband. But that’s just from what I have observed m, might not be the trend on a larger scale.

'Super common'?

@WavingCatsandDogs is just offering another anecdote, same as everyone else up thread, not their fault it’s not aligned with your prejudices

I used to work in primary education and 100% of the male heads were having, or had an affair with a member of staff at some time. They seemed to treat the schools as their personal fiefdom.
I know of one school where the woman’s husband came up to beat the shit out of the head, which was an interesting situation for the office staff to deal with in the heads absence.

Nooooo

I think I think emotional affairs are very common- it's so easy now because we have constant access to other people via our phones/social media etc.

Physical affairs - I don't know; I don't know anyone who has had one (or might be oblivious to it!) but I'm only 34 so perhaps it's to come...

In my friendship group they're not common. Among my close friends and their husbands I don't know anyone who's had an affair.

Yeah probably more common than you appreciate sadly. The amount of people with friendzones of the opposite sex, ex's, etc, in their phone who they chat to on the side eventually meeting up when ones relationship gets tough. Social media and online dating also doesn't help. There's a reason why there are so many kids growing up in broken families these days.

When I had a revenge affair, none of my friendship group knew except for my oldest friend who lives abroad (as I knew she wouldn't judge/gossip).