Are affairs super common?

[User5512]

Every other joke is about 🙄 affairs! Are affairs that common? I thought something like this would be scandalous in my friendship circles, but I heard the other day about a someone I know breaking up with her good friend as she developed feelings for the husband 😳They are 40 ffs !!

They shouldn't be. I was in a group of some really horrible women before and regularly we socialised together until one day at a barbecue after a few drinks they all took the piss out of me for having never been the other woman like its normal.

Wtf? What awful people - you're will rid there!

I think fidelity in marriage is quite an unrealistic expectation especially if there are periods where the marriage is sexless.

I don't know of many, but then divorce isn't (yet!) common among age peers (late 30s). Most people aren't going to share details of an affair unless they're divorcing.

Of the friends I have that are older (40s and 50s) far more are divorced than those in their 30s, some due to affairs, so I assume that my younger friendship group will catch up

All these people saying they’re not common in their social circle or friend group - you are naive. You have no way of knowing what goes on beneath the veneer of the most respectable looking marriage.

There are no right circumstances.

I think they're not unusual but certainly not super common. A lot of women are very naive about their husbands.

However, I do have to say I know more women who have cheated then men. It seems to me that there is an entire misconception about sex - its women who actually want it and men who cba once they are settled.

They shouldn't be, but of course they are. A lot of people think that they have a godlike insight into other people's marriages and just know what everyone is or isn't doing. They haven't. Or that all affairs are discovered. They're not.

Sex releases all kinds of chemicals into our brains- there is a reason people risk everything for it, no matter how stupid it is from an outside perspective

This is a very good point! We are programmed to want sex, the drive to have it can be incredibly strong.

Like other pp's have said, you see it all the time on here where a woman is not interested in sex with her dh/dp and they are so naive about it. People who are not interested in sex can often be very flippant about sex, it's not important to them so they don't consider that it is important to someone else. I can pretty much say with certainty that if my dh no longer wanted to have sex with me, then I'd probably end up looking elsewhere. Even though I know it would be a terrible idea and have awful ramifications, the desire to have sex and feel wanted would be very strong.

On the subject of how common affairs are, from my knowledge of friends and colleagues past and present, I'd say that affairs are very common.

This is awful behaviour.

How noble of you - not expecting him to leave for you.

I would bet the wife does not know and is not ignoring it.

Get your own life and stop ruining other people’s.

It’s exactly this naivety I’m talking about

I have a very full, very fulfilling life.

If she does, he'll just find someone else. He's a cheater - that's the problem.

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees you know what was meant by that, nice job at picking holes though and missing the point!

I genuinely don’t know anyone who’s had an affair, as in - rumours, fact or splitting up to live with another etc.
obviously don’t know behind closed doors but other than one open relationship near me there doesn’t seem to be any of that in my work or personal circle!

My first thought was no, but actually I've had an affair (so long ago I'd sort of forgotten) my best friend saw a married man for ages, another good friend saw someone towards the end of her marriage. The last big place I worked at, it was all over the place and although you often aren't aware of what colleagues are doing, you are certainly aware when suddenly marriages break up and you realise what's going on. Now I'm extremely old I can't say it would happen amongst anyone I know, but I'd never say never!

I had an affair last November December. It was a leaving affair to get the husband to finally leave. Been with new partner since

Very few in my social circle

Yes it’s always been this way

I think there are probably more affairs now or people being unfaithful as it’s so easy to get to know someone with old, the use of phones/sm etc

I think the vast majority of men will have a no strings affair if they could get away with it

It’s not naivety, it’s basic human kindness.

You are naive / kidding yourself that you aren’t doing anything wrong.

People who have affairs - as a married person or as the other person - are the lowest common denominator

You obviously have no idea of the devastation infidelity causes. It literally destroys the betrayed person.
They and their family will never be the same again.

I've known of quite a few over the years. The most explosive years ago, when it came out at church, after the service, that two of the choir members had been having an affair for years. The wife of the man involved was also in the choir. The affair couple moved away and are still together, as far as I know.

I'm not attractive, yet even I have had a number of married men trying it on over the years. The most persistent kept trying for along time, until I blocked him when he threw a tantrum over something minor. Trouble was he was a good friend so I'd been trying to ignore the come ons.

My ex had a five year affair and we had sex almost every single day of that time. I bloody hate that whenever a man goes digging around, it’s the innocent wife who’s assumed to be starving them of sex! You

I didn't know anyone who'd had an affair until we all hit our 40s and now yes sadly it's common. I think that must be the decade for boredom to set in.

It's him who would cause that to his family though because he's married he made the vows and it's his job to protect his family unit. As someone else said if it wasn't her it would be someone else

It's him who would cause that to his family though because he's married he made the vows and it's his job to protect his family unit. As someone else said if it wasn't her it would be someone else

the married partner is obviously more at fault but I don’t think it’s particularly healthy to be the OW or OM. The ones I know have been quite damaged by the situations.

The head teacher (married with kids) at my first school had an affair with a ex colleague's partner. He came to the school for a fight but was prevented from entering the school. The same HT also had an affair with his PA. This HT was a total tyrant and bully and out of all the things he did (pouring a pint over one of the teachers to name one) affairs seemed quite tame! As far as I know he's still a HT. Definitely knows where the bodies are

@decisionssmecisions if I'm honest I know a lot of side chicks say it's fine they don't want the commitment they are happy with the crumbs but I think this is delusional if I'm honest. Times like Christmas anniversary's valentines etc this man they give themselves too a living this facade with another woman they can be seen in public with and have pictures on social media with looking perfectly happy. There's no way they never see this and feel on the outside and used