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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just gone upstairs before my in laws came over

124 replies

tobed · 13/01/2024 20:13

We've had a long day with the kids today and I've had a long week at work and wrangling my children.

My little one has been having tantrums all day and I am basically still in my pjs home wear and look like a mess. The house is reasonably clean.

In laws have said they're coming over if the kids are still awake.. I've been really trying to get them into an earlier bed time routine..

In any case, no one replied so they just turned up. I am upstairs and have told my H to tell them I have a headache.

I just don't want to see anyone.

I feel a bit rude but I just can't face it today.

OP posts:
mouseychick · 13/01/2024 20:15

Why didn't DH say oh sorry no they're just going to bed. Is he unaware of their bed time routine?

Allinadayswork80 · 13/01/2024 20:15

Totally feel you, I’d prob do the same! I can relate to feeling knackered after working all week and sorting kids/everyone out and tackling a tantruming toddler and sometimes I need to be a slob and take some time in the eve to just chill and not be entertaining. Don’t blame you.

menopausalmare · 13/01/2024 20:19

There is a time to pop over and bedtime isn't it. You have my full support to hide upstairs.

EauNeu · 13/01/2024 20:21

your DH needs to enforce a no pop-ins rule. Rude AF to rock up at bedtime.

I'd go out to the cinema and let DH be the one to calm the kids down after their helpful visit

Original poster
tobed · 13/01/2024 20:22

They do this a lot on Saturdays and Sundays. I am usually always there but I just can't face it today.

OP posts:
BadBarry · 13/01/2024 20:23

How old are your kids? Crazy to come
over at bedtime.
Is this a regular thing?

rwalker · 13/01/2024 20:23

Rude to ignore there message to see there grandkids

if you didn’t want them to come you should of said rude to sit upstairs

coconutpie · 13/01/2024 20:24

Of course YANBU. You have a DH problem. He should have told them when they arrived that it's way too late and they need to go home. Popping over at bedtime is really bloody ridiculous.

101Nutella · 13/01/2024 20:24

@tobed YANBU
You can’t just turn up to someone’s house if they haven’t agreed it! You didn’t reply so therefore it wasn’t a plan.

Also who visits at bed time?!

stay upstairs. Put tv on in the room and hide or read a book in your kiddies room whilst they sleep.

I did this the other week. We’d all been ill, baby teething, DP being a nightmare. Baby wanted feeding as ILs arrived. I stayed up with her said she wouldn’t settle unless on me (true). Watched a film, had a nap, result of an evening! DP fed people and cleaned up after them!

BetrayedAuntie · 13/01/2024 20:26

Please tell me you put your DC to bed anyway? If not, message DH to bring them up now
Your ILs are bloody rude bastards. Who messages to invite themselves round!?!?!

Original poster
tobed · 13/01/2024 20:26

The kids are downstairs and will probably be up until past 9 pm now.

They're 4 and 21 months.

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 13/01/2024 20:27

No. As per the DH/MIL thread you were rude...

Of course it could have been avoided had you just replied to say "kids are in bed sorry"

Original poster
tobed · 13/01/2024 20:27

BetrayedAuntie · 13/01/2024 20:26

Please tell me you put your DC to bed anyway? If not, message DH to bring them up now
Your ILs are bloody rude bastards. Who messages to invite themselves round!?!?!

Edited

They don't always usually message to ask, they just say ' we are coming '.

OP posts:
BetrayedAuntie · 13/01/2024 20:27

tobed · 13/01/2024 20:26

The kids are downstairs and will probably be up until past 9 pm now.

They're 4 and 21 months.

That's appalling. The 4yr old needs to be in a proper routine ready for school. I'd be storming down there and grabbing my children

Dartmoorcheffy · 13/01/2024 20:28

That's crazy . Both kids should be in bed at this Time of night.

ChangeAgain2 · 13/01/2024 20:28

You need better boundaries.

rwalker · 13/01/2024 20:30

ChangeAgain2 · 13/01/2024 20:28

You need better boundaries.

Replying to the text would of avoided all this

Notadoormat4 · 13/01/2024 20:30

Everyone saying you shouldve text back....no. What if the message hadn't been seen? You don't just invite yourself over, especially if a text hasn't been replied to.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 13/01/2024 20:30

tobed · 13/01/2024 20:26

The kids are downstairs and will probably be up until past 9 pm now.

They're 4 and 21 months.

Your inlaws are fuckers of extreme! Wtf are they thinking coming over at this time? Next time 1 yo awakes at 5am I'd pop over to say hi.
Again what fuckers!!

101Nutella · 13/01/2024 20:31

@tobed thry usually just text ‘we’re coming’ ….until now!

now is your chance to change this. Take kids , do bedtime and have a prepared phrase ready. Then do this every time eg the kids are going to bed now. Their bedtime is at XX. I’ll say bye now incase I get stuck up there!

Every time. 😎

Original poster
tobed · 13/01/2024 20:32

Notadoormat4 · 13/01/2024 20:30

Everyone saying you shouldve text back....no. What if the message hadn't been seen? You don't just invite yourself over, especially if a text hasn't been replied to.

Yeah also was not a lot of notice to be fair. I thought H was going to reply and before I knew it, the door bell rang.

OP posts:
ColourMeBlue · 13/01/2024 20:33

My father and his partner always wanted to visit on a Sunday,at 7 o'clock in the evening.I ended up putting a stop to it.I would be sorting uniforms out,making lunches,making sure the kids are showered.Also wanting to spend time with my partner who works all week,and we have a 11 month old to bath and settle down too.They did message me anyway to say they would be popping in.Told them no straight away.

Rachelff · 13/01/2024 20:33

Notadoormat4 · 13/01/2024 20:30

Everyone saying you shouldve text back....no. What if the message hadn't been seen? You don't just invite yourself over, especially if a text hasn't been replied to.

Totally! Dinner/bedtime is the most chaotic part of the day with young kids and I often wouldn’t see my phone. The last thing I’d need is them rocking up uninvited. We told the in-laws weeknights didn’t suit as they kept on coming when we were doing bed/bath time routine with our baby and toddler. They’d be in the bathroom getting under my feet as I clung onto my last ounce of patience trying to get my kids to bed which was now taking way longer. Bedtime is a tense affair at the best of times 🙈

Tinkerbyebye · 13/01/2024 20:34

I would text him and tell him he has a choice

kids come to bed now or you are going to bed and he can sort and get up with them if they keep waking
he also needs to set firmer boundaries with his parents

coodawoodashooda · 13/01/2024 20:36

I'd do that. I'd either take a glass of wine or a flask of tea.