To have just gone upstairs before my in laws came over

[tobed]

We've had a long day with the kids today and I've had a long week at work and wrangling my children.

My little one has been having tantrums all day and I am basically still in my pjs home wear and look like a mess. The house is reasonably clean.

In laws have said they're coming over if the kids are still awake.. I've been really trying to get them into an earlier bed time routine..

In any case, no one replied so they just turned up. I am upstairs and have told my H to tell them I have a headache.

I just don't want to see anyone.

I feel a bit rude but I just can't face it today.

DH needs to tell them not to come around this time - bedtime and run up to it is a bit relentless with little ones and the last time you want to see people. And you especially don't want kids being woken up or made all alert and awake by hearing new people in the house when it's time for everything to be calm and predictable.

Agree with this.

Yeah you were rude, however you and dh need to be more assertive and tell them that it’s not a suitable time For them to visit.

if it doesn’t suit you then tell them, even if they have arrived on your door step. You decide what happens in your home, not them.

grow a back bone and stand up for yourself and your family.

Not only that, the MIL had spent the last 12 years telling her daughter that the husband wasn't good enough for her and that she should leave him. And most of Mumsnet STILL considered him rude for not making polite conversation!

Why is it OP's job to communicate with the inlaws - surely it's her DH's responsibility.

Women are allowed to comment on their lives. If something bothers me I will say. I don’t rely on dh to sort it for me.

I agree, but in this instance, it's just routine communication which should be handled by their son - before it becomes bothersome.

Nah don't agree, the principle is still the same wife in this post was just the same as husband in the other post, but the husband always in wrong in both situations, which is laughable to be honest.

The OP of the previous thread said this about her mum:

But this will just be another thing for her to add to the mental list that she keeps of reasons I should leave him. She is quite open with me that she always thought he was not good enough when we got married, and we have been married for 18 years.

The OP goes on to say that she doesn't tell her husband what her mum says, but I bet he can tell what she thinks. Also that OP said how lovely it was to see her mum. I don't have a lot of sympathy for her if she's not standing up for her DH and telling her mum to wind her neck in and I can't get wound up about him not bothering to say hello or acknowledge her.

In this thread the visit was unplanned, at an inconvenient time, and the ILs make a habit of it. The OP would welcome visits at other times, just not this one. So I don't think the parallel works at all.

They should be in bed by 7 maybe 7:30 fir the 4 year old at the absolute latest. No wonder they are having tantrums.

Why not just open the door and say that you are really sorry but you are in the middle of story, bath bed routine.

To be honest. If you had a decent routine for the children you would have been starting it 6:30 ish sk they epuld see that the children were slready going down.

I love these threads, it is always great fun to see how every single situation can be twisted to blame the man, quite abusing

If I was genuinely busy I would greet them nicely and explain and then get on with what I am doing

My IL's started doing this on Sunday afternoons - the only time we had free. They'd message DH as they were getting in the car & it's only about a 3-5 minute drive so no chance to escape.

Tbf they started after I went NC & made all contact with the DC DH's problem & they realised he didn't even think about sorting it.

I made sure I had other plans every Sunday afternoon & if they turned up & I was home I'd go out to run errands, or see a friend. I also started making plans for all of us to leave just after lunch so we weren't home. Just to get the message across.

That is NUTS.

My 21m is in bed by 7.30 latest.
No one is stupid enough welcome to enter my home between 6.30 and 8pm.
6.30-8pm is the bedtime window. It is known! 😅

You're a better woman than me I couldn't live like this AT ALL.
My DH & in-laws would have been read the riot act...In full.

No, you’re not being unreasonable.
infact I think it’s really rude to ‘pop over’ when you’ve asked and nobody has responded. I’d probably tell to…..well….ya know!

This would drive me insane. One thing I've been really strict on is a decent bed time for our kids. Mainly because I want an evening with DH and also because I know how badly they function when they're tired.

My 7yo is in bed and asleep by 8-8.30 and sometimes my 10yo too though he can stay up until 9-9.30 if he wants to but he prefers to go to bed earlier. They take after me!

If anyone disrupted that on a regular basis when they were younger I'd find it really difficult to be pleasant about it.

If one of you had just replied they wouldn't be there!

I think it’s absolutely fine to hide upstairs, but equally, I don’t flex DC’s bedtime for unexpected visitors. I would just crack on with bedtime and rebuff anyone who tried to interfere. My family does this sometimes. I just shut the bedroom door. And if they’d said they came to see the kids I would say, it’s bedtime, but you can come back tomorrow at xxx 🤷‍♀️.

Why mention it was your inlaws. The situation was as it was whoever your visitors would have been.

This ^. I’d have asked DH to make sure they knew it was not convenient to visit.

Evening times are a no no unless invited. Why can't they cone during day like most other grandparents? Time to set some boundaries, after 6pm not on? X

Why show up at someone’s home after not receiving a response to begin with?!

@phoenixrosehere totally agree. But as OP said they often do that I'd have deffo made sure me or DH had text them to say not this evening

How would that be helpful? Going out alone to the cinema? It would be weird behaviour.

A different situation, the mum gave lots of notice of her visit and it was agreed with her daughter, she didn’t just turn up.