To have just gone upstairs before my in laws came over

[tobed]

We've had a long day with the kids today and I've had a long week at work and wrangling my children.

My little one has been having tantrums all day and I am basically still in my pjs home wear and look like a mess. The house is reasonably clean.

In laws have said they're coming over if the kids are still awake.. I've been really trying to get them into an earlier bed time routine..

In any case, no one replied so they just turned up. I am upstairs and have told my H to tell them I have a headache.

I just don't want to see anyone.

I feel a bit rude but I just can't face it today.

@tobed at 8.15pm??? they can get on their bikes!!! if they want to see the grandchildren it has to be a reasonable time and also at a time convenient for both you and your husband!!

WTF

Why weren't the kids in pj's or bed anyway? Then you could have said sorry they're going to bed now bye.

Message tomorrow that they need to visit before 7pm in future because that is bedtime.

Unhinged. It just needs explaining. Routine is overrated especially at weekends. Had I have had this message I’d have replied no kids are in bed. Or just have sold the headache and left bedtime to dad!

You think the OP’s rude??
Maybe the in-laws shouldn’t invite themselves round? Turning up unannounced and uninvited is very rude in my book.

You need to tell them no and don’t open the door to them. They’d soon get the message.

Wow. You need to knock this on the head. At first I thought you had gone up to put the kids to bed but would be staying up too, but the kids are downstairs?!

Let this be the last evening they pop round uninvited op. Evenings are not a time to visit people with small children.

Your dh/dp needs to state to them clearly that evening visits are too disruptive and you'd prefer to organise catch ups during the day (and with a bit of warning).

WTH you don't just turn up uninvited

Firm boundaries would avoid it. My parents don't come without asking first and getting a response. No one turns up ever. If they did I'd tell them that it's inconvenient and I'll catch up with them another time. They have a key and even when invited always ring the bell and wait for me to open the door. You inlaws are rude.

This. You weren’t rude by not replying. If they were so dealt to come round they should’ve followed up with a phone call.

Who turns up at someone’s house uninvited! It’s so odd

You were totally reasonable but I’d be popping down to get the kids and get them to bed. I’ve taken kids for naps when we’ve had visitors before. It’s just not worth the aftermath not to! Your routine doesn’t need to change for anyone imo.

That’s way too late to pop over, YANBU

No dropping in and definitely not at bedtime. I’d lose patience fast with that. If they turn up unannounced at bedtime, it’s their lookout. I wouldn’t go down.

It’s rude to keep turning up at bedtime, it’s basic common sense and decency.

Unless they’re going to bring tomorrow’s dinner already cooked for you, do any ironing and put the kids to bed ( quietly) and read them a story they’re bloody unreasonable.

You could try inviting them for a specific time — we’d love to see you for coffee and cake at 11 on (day suitable for you)

Quite right

DH needs to have a boundaries conv with them. That’s quite rude.

If your relationship is relaxed enough they can pop over uninvited then it’s relaxed enough that you can just chill upstairs when they’re there.

Stay where you are, have a hot shower and put yourself to bed. DH can wrangle kids this evening.

Then in future set a special ringtone for ILs messages and leap to the phone when it goes off to say "no doesn't suit, will catch up another time!"

And don't answer the fucking door.

Its fine OP. You're not feeling physically or mentally able for visitors. A headache is a quicker and more socially accepted way of saying that. And people who just turn up because its suits them without confirmation can't expect perfect hosting. They're your Hs parents for goodness sake. He should be able to manage them on his own.

you both need to be on top of this. But if you really don't want them to come, you need to reply.

And your H should have headed them off and put the DCs to bed at their normal time

That’s too late

I would stay upstairs and go to bed. Let your husband deal with it tonight. They are unreasonable for turning up uninvited at such an inconvenient time. For the future, I would tell them that you're establishing a regular bedtime routine and evenings aren't a good time to visit. If they do turn up carry on bathing the kids and putting them to bed, don't offer them a drink or anything.

You’re really rude. Sometimes people turn up when you’d rather they didn’t, but that’s no excuse to hide upstairs.

You were not rude, but the ILs are, and your husband has no boundaries. At that age they need to be in bed by 8, not get excited by GPs at 9pm. Your DH should defend your DCs best interests, not your ILs.

Omg tipping up at 8pm for young children. Your DH needs to stop this now.

Genuine question, why would the kids keep waking because they went to bed later than usual?

They do it maybe once every couple of weeks because of work commitments, they say.

They could however, choose to come when they're not working, when I'm alone having dinner with my kids 5 times a week and would actually appreciate the company and a bit of help. But they choose to do it at the weekends, when my H is home.