To have just gone upstairs before my in laws came over

[tobed]

We've had a long day with the kids today and I've had a long week at work and wrangling my children.

My little one has been having tantrums all day and I am basically still in my pjs home wear and look like a mess. The house is reasonably clean.

In laws have said they're coming over if the kids are still awake.. I've been really trying to get them into an earlier bed time routine..

In any case, no one replied so they just turned up. I am upstairs and have told my H to tell them I have a headache.

I just don't want to see anyone.

I feel a bit rude but I just can't face it today.

This would do my head in

Thank god they left early

I would go a bit ballistic if they kept coming round every bloody weekend and unannounced most of the time

That's so not normal behaviour

Is it just an excuse to been seen as if they’re involved with them? Do they actually spend meaningful time with them?

That is not an appropriate time to drop in. Both of your children should be in bed.

No way- my 4 year old and 15 month old been in bed since 7pm

9pm for a 4-yr old is insane. I thought the kids were going to be 10-12!

My children are older, but it pisses me off if someone even calls us at dinner time/between the hours of 7-8pm.

We are clearly going to be busy.

I am absolutely not up for impromptu visits, they are intrusive.

I’d be fuming! You or DH will have to have a word if this is a regular thing. Popping by unannounced is rude at the best of times, with a 4 and 2 yo, just no. You’ve done nothing wrong by making yourself scarce

You need to nip this in the bud from tomorrow - no popping in unannounced and never coming after a certain time.

These threads wind me up so much - why on earth would any sane person think its a good idea to pop over before bedtime with a 1 year old? We arrange grandparent visits weeks in advance, but if they lived close, they would still text/ring us and check its a good time and wouldn’t dream of interrupting the bedtime routine.

Your Husband needs to have a firm conversation with them and set some proper boundaries (always ringing before coming over would be the first one).

Totally agree 👍🏻

The inevitable question - what does DH think about them 'popping in'? Would he back you about them not coming or would he insist on placating them?

Just keep to your boundary that's fine and have a rest. Don't over think. X

I would take control of this in the future and invite them over at earlier times.

I don't think it's so strange that they'd prefer to visit when their son is home, so they can see him, too, but unless they all work very strange hours, they needn't wait until fairly late on weekends.

It's time for your husband to lay down some rules for when is good to visit. The children need to go to bed on schedule for everyone's sake, and he can start establishing this fact with his parents now.

I can't stand it when people (yes, even family) drop by to visit without confirming that it's a good time. It's the height of rudeness, much worse than escaping when you're not feeling up to socialising.

Why don’t you/DH get them involved in the bedtime routine? As in, “So little Jimmy, it’s your bedtime now, why don’t you ask grandad to read your bedtime story and help you do your teeth? MIL, would you mind getting baby her milk and into bed?” If they must drop in at that time give them something to do. That would piss me off so much too, turning up like that.

Omg this typical double standards, there was a similar post the other day, regarding the wife MIL came over and the husband stayed upstairs out-of the way, tiling the bathroom, he got accused of being rude, and controlling, please explain to why the husband was out-of order, but the wife in this post wasn't.

if it helps you out midweek tell them this. They prob think you don’t want or need them midweek. Or when they arrive at w/ends you and husband go out, or do something together. I hate it when DHs don’t rein in their DPs.

A planned visit during the day is a bit different to a surprise visit at a universally inconvenient time for parents

Well said

Probably going against the grain here but I think you should just embrace in laws coming round and wanting to see your children. Granted they could ask in a better manner but it’s not really a massive deal surely.

I would love to be able to have my in laws pop round and see the kids. Mine never got to meet their other grandparents. Time is very precious ❤️

Next time when they arrive say, "Oh great! You're just in time to read their bedtime story and tuck them in. DH and I will be down here opening the wine". That's what we used to do and it was actually a really lovely part of the week.

You were well within your right and they are cheeky to just turn up!

Agree with this:
Text MIL tomorrow morning saying something like 'sorry I missed you yesterday but I was/am unwell. Just wanted to mention we're trying to get the kids into a tighter bedtime routine so we are not having visitors past x time.
Would you like to come round for tea on x day at 1pm instead?'

I’d let DP know that in future if they come unannounced that the kids still keep their bedtime as before 8pm, and he arranges an appropriate time for them to come.

Your DH needs to talk to them and tell them they can't just rock up whenever they feel like it at weekends, especially at bedtime. IF he won't talk to them, and you're not willing to rejigger your evenings to accommodate their rudeness, tell them he'll have to entertain and sort the DCs out for bedtime on his own. And mean it. GO to bed yourself or go out.

Lots of discussion about a similar situation on this thread only it was the husband tiling the bathroom who didn't wash up and make the journey downstairs to chat to his MIL.

Husband and MIL http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4980242-husband-and-mil