Asking 30pp for friends 30th birthday

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

It's our friends 30th in June and we've found out the family have rented a house out to host up to 100 people. We've all been asked to pay 30pp for drinks, food etc. we've already spent a fortune for the couples wedding, previous parties etc last year and although the money isn't an issue, I just feel it's a bit steep to ask for 30pp towards all the food and alcohol, considering it's also a 45 minute drive away so we will have to fork out for taxis too.

Say what now?

Don’t go then…

£30pp

Pay it or stay home?

For other friends who don't have parties but go our for a meal do you each pay for your own? If so then you may wish to think of it as comparable. However if not just decline the invitation and don't go. If enough people do that I expect a MN post complaining they have been stuck with a bill.

Usually parties like this are held in pub function rooms etc.. where food is free and you buy your own drinks..
If you don't want to pay.. don't go.

That means we will have to pay £60 just to attend a party plus £45 for a taxi unless on of us doesn't drink. It's my partners best friend so we can't really say no, but I don't think that's reasonable IMO.

Let your partner go alone? You pick him up?

Whether it's reasonable or not really doesn't matter because you're not going to get them to change the fact that they're asking for money. So what actually matters is whether or not you go -- and, no, just because it's a close friend doesn't actually mean you HAVE to go.

People never cease to amaze me. Have the party/wedding that you can AFFORD. If you can’t afford it, rethink your plans. I assume that when the party posts go on social media, the cost pp won’t be mentioned!

For me it depends how much food and drink that covers! You wouldn’t get more than a couple of rounds for 2 people around here, let alone food. 😂

£30pp for a nice night in a private venue with all included food and drinks sounds a bargain and great night out IMO!

These people are not "hosting" a party; a good host doesn't present a bill to her friends!

£30 for an all inclusive evening with good friends is fine in my opinion. But this type of thing should have been asked before booking, eg does everyone want to book a house and we share the costs, not we have booked a house please pay £30 each.

But it's simple, just don't go if you're not happy to pay for your own food and drink and a night away.

I don't think they've done anything wrong. It's upfront and clear. You can accept or decline.

Personally I wouldn't like it as I don't drink and it annoys me if I have to subsidise people drinking.

£30 each is less than we'd spend on a meal out and drinks for a friend's birthday so I'd see it as a win tbh. Can you share a taxi with anyone else heading in the same direction?

I agree with this, is it was in a restaurant you’d be expected to pay and £30 is much less than what you’d pay having a meal and drinks

^^ This. You can keep quiet and go. Make up a reason not to. Or your DH can be upfront with his friend, maybe along the lines of “John, that’s a bit much. If I’m paying that much to celebrate your birthday I’ll take you to XXXX.”

This sort of thing is cultural. There’s nothing inherently evil about it unless there is pressure on people to pay what they can’t afford. If it’s not the normal thing in your circle it will seem odd. If lots of people go and enjoy it, they might start to do the same and it will become the done thing in your circle. So if you don’t like it - resist.

Read it again - it's not a "night away". 100 people are going. The people throwing the party are renting a house in which to throw a party.

It wouldn't be too bad if you got a decent amount of food and drink. If you are subsidising the venue hire that's cheeky.

I agree £60 plus travel is a lot.

Can you club together for a minibus to reduce travel cost.

I'm ok thanks. Night away, evening away, either way away from home for the evening at a party all inclusive. Either go or don't.

Don’t go then. Let partner go solo.

I think I know what you mean. We were friends with a couple like this. Always chose very fancy venues/activities for their occasions which you had to pay for just because that's where it's going to happen. When it was our turn, we chose activities/venues that accommodated for everyone's budget or at least given consideration to. I wouldn't have chosen a venue that's far away meaning people need to factor in taxis at such a high cost. And then we would have footed at least 50% of the food/drink bill. A lot of our group just dropped them after cottoning on to this. Choosing a venue for 100 people and then charging them to attend as well as travel there - CF's.

£30 for a meal is really really reasonable.

Stay over nearby, taxi share or have a nominated driver to reduce transport costs.

£100 for a night out for two adults sounds pretty good to me, especially as it includes all food, drink and transport.